A year before we got married, someone told me that Kwesi had been spending a lot of time with a lady at his workplace. It first started as an office friendship but at some point, it was beginning to look like their relationship was more than platonic. They were often seen doing everything at work together. If one didn’t know them, they would easily assume they were husband and wife.

At that stage in our relationship, there was no sign that he was cheating or even flirting with other women. So I was shocked by what I heard. I studied him for a while trying to see for myself if the reports were true. This guy was squeaky clean. I found nothing to connect him to the cheating fiance I was told he was. However, that didn’t stop me from confronting him.

When I spoke to him about this lady, he swore heaven and earth that everything I must have heard were lies. He said they were just friends. “I don’t even hang around her so much for it to be a matter of concern to whoever is watching me.” Well, considering that I didn’t have any proof of the allegations, I chose to believe him. I did tell him to cut off ties with the lady though. “If there is truly nothing going on between you two then it should be easy for you to stop talking to her, right?” He eagerly agreed to do it if it meant that much to me.

A few months later, Kwesi came to ask me; “Who told you about the lady at my workplace? She said she only talks to one person. So she wants to know if it is the same person who gave you the reports.” I didn’t say anything. I listened to him go on and on giving himself out. Someone who promised to cut ties with this lady unwittingly admitted that they still communicated constantly. When I pointed it out to him it turned into a fight.

It was after we got married that it came to my knowledge that he was lying to me all along. He had a relationship with the lady, and that’s why he never cut her off. I kept asking myself, “What have I gotten myself into?” That lady aside, he started another affair with a different woman after we got married. This time around, I snooped through his phone and found out before he could cover his tracks.

You should see how remorseful he was. He even cried when I threatened to leave him. “I won’t talk to her. I am done with all those games,” he swore. Could you believe that over two years later, I discovered that he was still in touch with her?

When I tried to have a conversation with him about it, all he did was lie and give me excuses. “Oh, it’s not as if I still talk to her. She sent me a message but I didn’t want to seem rude by ignoring her.” Till now, I am sure he is still talking to her.

READ ALSO: Even In Her Absence, My Wife Drives Other Women Away From Me.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that he was entertaining another lady. When I asked him, “Are you cheating on me with her too?” He answered, “Relax. There is nothing going on between us. I told you that what happened in the past was a mistake. I am no longer that man. Akua is just a friend, I mean it.” Once again I asked him to cut ties with her and he agreed. But it turned out that he didn’t do it.

Even if he won’t cut her off completely, shouldn’t he minimize the amount of time he spends talking to her? Unfortunately, none of that has changed. I don’t understand what is so difficult about cutting off someone you claim means nothing to you if that is what will bring peace to your marriage. In my experience, my husband would rather hurt my feelings to protect Akua and the other women who came before her. They are like trophies to him, I suppose. He collects them and refuses to get rid of them even when he swears they don’t matter to him. Who knows how many more will come after her?

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If after four years of marriage, he is not willing to change, then I am convinced he doesn’t value this marriage. Or he just doesn’t respect me. It isn’t that I haven’t complained about the way his behaviour makes me feel. I have voiced out my uneasiness several times but it all fell on deaf ears.

With everything I have seen so far, I believe it’s best I leave now. If I stay and keep forgiving him, it will only empower him to do worse. He makes it look like I am making mountains out of molehills. So I want to know if he is right. Am I exaggerating things? Or I am taking the best decision to leave?

—Ernestina

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