The other evening I attended a poetry recital that was held by the Abuja Literary Society. The hall was packed with art enthusiasts and connoisseurs. The evening was lively, and filled with lots of fun and entertainment. I was having an amazing time but I had to leave right in the middle of the show so I would make it to another event.

As I walked out of the hall into the lobby of the 5-Star Hotel, a pretty light-skinned young lady, who I’d noticed in the hall hurriedly caught up with me. “Good evening sir. Please are you leaving?” She politely asked. When I nodded my affirmation, she asked, “Please can you give me a ride?” I was surprised because in this day and age, who walks up to a total stranger and asks for a ride? She didn’t even ask which way I was going, to determine if it aligned with her path.

Out of curiosity, I took a closer look at her. I wanted to see if I could gauge her mental or emotional state from her body language. I could sense she was worried. It was almost 9 pm so I concluded that she was concerned about going home alone. I asked where she was going. When she mentioned the name of the place, it was nowhere near my route.

However, I found her beauty calming and quite irresistible. So the man in me happily obliged to drop her off. The fact that she was a fellow spoken word artist also caught my interest. When she spoke, her voice felt like an enchantment. Let’s just admit that I was secretly smitten with this damsel in distress.

I said to myself, “I am a gentleman with honorable intentions. I am only offering her a helping hand. There is nothing more to it.” It was important that I remind myself of this in order to resist temptation. So I said this to myself repeatedly, as I introduced myself to her and ushered her into the car I was driving for the evening.

Because it wasn’t my car I was driving, I had some difficulty putting the key in the ignition. While I fumbled to start the car, I turned to the pretty lady and said; “Sorry it’s taking so long. This is my wife’s car and I haven’t used it in a long time so I am a little lost around it.” She smiled shyly and said it was alright.

I sensed a shift in her energy. When she first approached me, there was no sign of shyness so why was she now giving me shy smiles? I asked her her name and she responded, “I am Ada.” “Interesting coincidence,” I answered, “My wife is also Ada.” That was twice now that I mentioned my wife to this beautiful lady, so I made a mental note not to do that again.

The warmth she first showed me at this point had reduced but I didn’t let it stop me from making small talk with her. When I asked what she did for a living, she replied that she worked in insurance. “You are kidding,” I uttered in excitement, “You won’t believe this but my wife also works in insurance.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I mentally scratched my head and thought, “Sh*t! I did it again. What kind of man mentions his wife three times in a row while talking to a beautiful woman who caught his interest?”

At this point, I could feel her visibly pulling away from me, but I wanted to know more about her so I pushed a little. The next question I asked her was about her hometown. She said she was from Imo State. Like a silly child, I squealed in delight. “Guess what?” I asked her then followed with, “My wife is from Imo state too.”

“I am such an idiot,” I insulted myself as I gave up all hopes of having a conversation with Ada. I was sure that if there was any hint of interest from either of us, my repeated mention of my wife would have killed that notion. I am quite helpless around women. My wife will attest to that. And it showed in the way this new Ada alighted from the car when we got to her place. It was rather hurried, in my opinion. As if she couldn’t wait to leave the presence of this ‘wife wrapper’ of a man!

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On my way home later that evening, I mulled over what happened and asked myself, “Oh boy, is it that you don’t know how to talk to a woman without bringing your wife into the matter ni? What is all this ‘my wife my wife’ that I was saying sef?”

It’s evident that my wife has me wrapped around her fingers. It’s not even something I am ashamed to admit. I am one of those men you see dancing to the tune his woman plays. Our relationship has always been like that. Right from the moment we started dating, she told me she was not going anywhere. She comes from Mbaise so she tells me, “No matter what you do, I am your Mbaise girlfriend forever.” Even after marriage, she still calls herself that, and I also call her my My Mbaise Girlfriend Forever.

She once told me that as long as I am with her, she will spoil my market for other ladies. I thought she was joking so I just laughed. However, after what happened the other night, I know it’s true. I don’t know what she did but whatever it is, I am happy it’s working. I haven’t wanted another woman since I met her, and on the few occasions I found myself attracted to someone else, I ended up talking about her incessantly.

Yes, the other night was not the first time I experienced such a thing and I know it won’t be the last. Regardless, I don’t mind. I am just happy I only have eyes for her. “Please baby,” I threw my head back and laughed as I drove home to her, “Keep spoiling my market. Life with you alone is peaceful and happy.”

—Joseph

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