He was my childhood sweetheart. At least that was the joke. I was a ten-year-old child while he was a grown man so it really was just jokes whenever he told me, “I will marry you when you grow up.” I admired him a great deal so yes, I did want him to wait for me so we would be married when I grew up. I sold kenkey at that time. I was living with my aunt and things were difficult for us financially so selling was the way to help. That’s how I met Bra (brother) Yaw. I went to sell kenkey in his house and he bought some. He became one of my regular customers after that day.

My father died when I was six years old. Three years later, my mother remarried and moved to the Western Region with her new husband. My mother’s younger sister took me in. It was when her husband travelled to Europe that things became unbearable for us financially. I started selling plantain and cassava on weekends and after school. After a while, I replaced those items with kenkey and groundnut. This was in 1997.

Anyway, I passed by Bra Yaw’s house to sell kenkey to him until I turned twelve. I had gone there to sell to him as usual but that day I met his absence. I went again on several occasions but they kept telling me he was no longer around. He was my only customer in that house so eventually I stopped going there. In the year 2000, my aunt moved to Europe to join her husband. So I was sent to live with my grandparents.

I didn’t think I would ever see or hear from Bra Yaw again until I ran into him on my university campus one Saturday afternoon. I was twenty then and he was much older. I stopped and stared and he also stared me down. He then asked, “Hello, do you remember me?” I replied immediately, “Yes, I know you from Berekum.” He asked where I had been; “I went to school and returned to meet your absence. Where did you disappear to?” Instead of answering him, I just stood there watching him without knowing what to say.

At that time I was quite naive. I couldn’t read people especially when it came to sexual relationships. However, that day I could read him clearly. What I saw in his eyes were pure desire and love. Although I was in the university, I had never been in a relationship. I had never done it either. I was still very green. Anything about boys or men always had me running for the hills. My grandmother always told me to exercise patience when guys were concerned. “If you take your time and the right man comes your way you will know it,” she often advised. That’s why at that age I was still unknowledgeable when it came to men.

Before we parted ways Bra Yaw took my number. He started visiting me in school from that moment. Sometimes he came alone. We talked about everything; humanity, the planet, the weather, and my schoolwork among other things. Other times too, he visited with his friends. He would introduce me to them as his wife-to-be and we would all make jokes about it. It was just like those times when I was ten years old and he joked that I was his wife.

As time went on, he also introduced me to his two older sisters who happened to know my mum. Our friendship continued into 2009. One Sunday of that very year, he invited me to his home and officially proposed love to me. By then he was working with one of the banks in the area. Honestly, I was not surprised at this development. He always made me aware of his intentions from the very day we met. However, I never took him seriously because of our age difference.

Even if I tried to overlook the age gap, I felt he was too sophisticated to settle down with a young girl like me. I had this notion because I met one of his girlfriends back when I sold kenkey to him. She was beautiful and looked like she came from a rich family. Compared to her, I was just a plain Jane, too naive and young to meet the tastes of men of his likes.

I also considered our faiths. It was the most important one to me. We all belong to the same religion but the teachings in my church are different from the teachings in his. I knew because of this, my parents would never allow me to marry him. So I had to turn him down even though I was crazy about him. It was easier to do than hurting him and myself by subjecting him to my family’s rejection.

Despite my refusal to marry him, he held out hope that I would change my mind. For a whole year he tried to sway me to his side but I knew it would be pointless to give him a chance so I stood my ground. After that year, he met another woman and fell for her. He told me about her before he proposed to her. “Are you truly letting me go? Will you really be okay if I go ahead and marry her?” He asked me. I consented to it. I told him I was happy he found love with someone else and wished him well.

On the outside, I appeared indifferent toward his decision to move on. However, on the inside, I was shattered. A few months later he fixed a date for their wedding and sent me an invite. I declined it. I knew in my heart that there was no way I could watch him marry another woman while I still loved him. Nonetheless, the night before the wedding, he called me and begged me to come and witness his marriage. I said no but he wept. I felt so sad that I also wept.

The next morning I dressed up and went to the church. As soon as I arrived a gentleman walked up to me and ushered me to a seat. I thanked him but I couldn’t sit down. I started hyperventilating and couldn’t breathe. So I stood at the back and watched the events unfold. In the course of the program, the minister asked them to stand and I saw him watching the crowd until his gaze landed on me. He watched me and I watched him. Then he turned to his bride and started reciting his vows. It was too painful to watch. I was gone from the church before he could finish.

After his wedding, he called me from his hotel room and we talked at length but that didn’t make me feel any better. I was heartbroken but I knew I had to pick up the pieces and move on. Bra Yaw was officially off the market. I thought I would never love anyone else again but time proved me wrong.

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I met a gentleman who unbeknownst to me, has had eyes for me since my senior high school days.  He initially approached me as a friend and from there we became an item. I was his girlfriend but not fully. Considering my heartbreak experience, I was skeptical about loving someone new. Yes, I was still a virgin with zero relationship experience under my belt.

When I saw that his intentions were genuine, I decided to also give it my all. After all, what did I have to lose? We dated for a year and then got married. When you meet the right one, you will just know it. That’s what my grandmother said. That was exactly what I felt with my husband. That’s why we didn’t waste time before getting married. We are now proud parents of three beautiful children.

It Will Be Difficult For Me To Commit To One Person

I am very happy in my marriage. I love my husband so much that I know I will choose him again in my next life. However, every once in a while, I think about Bra Yaw. I think about what would have happened if it hadn’t been for our different faiths. I think about how our lives would have turned out. I don’t wish for a different life from what I have but I can’t help my mind from wandering imaginary worlds sometimes. And I always feel guilty after I have gone wandering. It feels like I am cheating on my husband emotionally. But I can’t seem to stop doing it.

On one occasion I met Bra Yaw’s wife and one of his sisters. His wife doesn’t know me but she might have heard about me because he named his only daughter after me. On the day that we met, she offered to be my friend. She seemed like a lovely woman but I flatly turned her down. Friendship with her seems like a whole Pandora’s box I wouldn’t want to open. Bra Yaw should remain a ghost that visits every once in a while. At least that one is better than becoming besties with the woman he married instead of me, right?

—Akosua

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