I just read about a mama whose husband is asking her to terminate a pregnancy because it was unplanned. Well, something similar happened to me. That’s why I am here sharing my story, hoping she gets encouraged to choose what she wants without any fear.

Just like Adazewa, my baby was also one year and more than half a year older when I conceived again. We had decided not to have another baby. I was even on the pills but I missed some of the pills and messed the whole thing up. Here lies the case where I am married to a difficult man. You can imagine my anxiety when it came to breaking the news to him.

I knew he would be very upset but it was pregnancy. I couldn’t have hidden from him. So after days of thinking and thinking, I told myself; “I am carrying a new life in my womb, not a death sentence. Whether it would ruin his day or not, my husband deserves to know the truth.” That’s how I finally came clean.

Only God remembers in detail the way he looked at me when I broke the news to him. You would think I was a useless woman who was asking him for food or an expensive favour. I got all this from just one look he gave me. So you can imagine the war that transpired when he finally opened his mouth to talk.

I didn’t try to be defensive. I knew I was at fault and I admitted it. When his anger did not die down, I knew he would make me pay somehow. That’s the kind of man I married. He is not one to let a sin go unpunished. That’s why I accepted that it was I who messed up, and mentally prepared myself for anything that would come.

Oh, and the storm did come. You should see the way my husband treated me like garbage, oh God. He started having an affair with an older woman because he felt I was too disgusting for him to look at.

It broke my heart the way he handled the situation but I did not stoop to his level. I did not fight him or act out when he did. While he revelled in his weakness, I stayed strong. While he ignored me, I took good care of myself and the pregnancy. I attended regular antenatal visits, and ate well-vegetables and fruits that I could easily get in the gardens around.

Halfway through my sixth month, I developed a terrible cough. It was so bad that it caused my abdomen to tighten each time I coughed. Unfortunately, this caused my water to prematurely break. The baby was coming way too early. By then my husband had travelled for work and I was alone with the kids.

I was utterly unprepared. I hadn’t shopped for the baby. I thought I had more time until it all happened so fast. I packed the old stuff from when I had the older kids, called my sister and off to the hospital I went. I called my husband so I expected him to show up. However, he didn’t. He only sent his sister to clear the bills.

When we were discharged from the hospital, my husband didn’t come anywhere near us. He didn’t even check up on the baby to see how she was doing. We were all in the same house but the baby and I lived in a different world, while he lived in another one of his own making.

The time came for us to name the baby but my husband didn’t have a name for our child. I didn’t complain or nag him. I went ahead and picked a name for our daughter. I gave her Grace in my local language as a surname. It was after that name that my husband gave her an English for her first name.

As my daughter grew older and was ready to start school, he refused to pay her school fees. Regardless, I enrolled her in school and paid the fees. When she got sick, he refused to pay medical bills. That one too, I take care of it. My husband made it clear our daughter was not wanted, but you know what? I gave her my all and continue to do so.

My miracle baby is now twelve years old. She was born pre-term but she beat the Incubators. I used kangaroo. She was so tiny yet so strong. Back then, she didn’t look like she would make it but she grew up so fast. Today, she performs exceptionally well in her academics. She is a good girl; humble, so calm, hardworking, confident, and most importantly, very close to me.

Wherever she goes, people fall in love with her. I also make sure she always knows how much I love her. She is a child I wanted to have and God knew I was about to make a mistake by not having her. That’s why he made it possible even with the pills.

She doesn’t know and will never know how her father behaved before her birth, and even after her birth. I chose to be so present in her life that she would not notice her father’s coldness toward her. That is all that matters to me. It is important to me that she is so overwhelmed by my love that she has no room to pay attention to who is not loving her right. I hope my story encourages other mothers who find themselves in my shoes. Even in a situation like this, my dear mothers, we can still be the best for our children.

—Grace’s Mum

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