Dear PK,
I don’t want to believe that was your love language because I was honestly going through hell for the 5 years we dated. You’re probably still upset with me because I called off our wedding. That’s fine but listen, throughout those years we dated, your words constantly broke me down. I lost all my self-esteem and self-respect because I tolerated so much from you just to be your perfect girlfriend. You thought being tough on me was the best way to show your love but you broke me, you crushed my spirit and worse of it all your harsh words drained me of my self-confidence as a lady. All the while, you constantly reminded me of my faults and brushed my efforts and sacrifices under the rug. I’m still recovering.
For the immense role you played in my life and all the lessons that you taught me, I say “thank you”. I appreciate your persistence to marry me because we had a son and you felt obliged to. But No I couldn’t compromise with your behavior. That’s not the way I wanted my married life to look like. I didn’t want to feel I married an enemy. I didn’t want to pretend everything was fine with my marriage whiles I was being emotionally tortured in my own home. I guess you lost the fact that we all have that ideal person in mind but at the end of the day, we are faced with reality. I was the reality PK. I couldn’t tolerate you always dictating to me on what to wear and what not to. You always wanted to impose. For goodness sake!! I also had my own choices and the right to satisfy ‘Me”.
Do you know, I had terrible morning sicknesses and had to go to work every morning pretending nothing was wrong? All I needed, especially through the pregnancy was someone who would support me, understand how I felt, and be the shoulder I could lean on. I needed you to be that person but instead, you chose to incessantly complain about my inability to be the girlfriend I used to be. Working in a financial institution in that state coupled with all the drama from you was hectic. You fought with me at the slightest chance and you never admitted your wrongs or said sorry but that’s okay, I’m healing.
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You fought me at every chance you got, simply because I couldn’t satisfy you with sex as I used to. For crying out loud PK, I was recovering from my CS, GOSH!! . Not that I didn’t love you? I did with everything in me, you were my priority. I supported your dreams and stood by you even when your family let you down. I believe you know I didn’t agree to your proposal for financial gains. No, I was trained to build a life with a man and not be an opportunist. I tried to cope, yes I did and God knows the number of times I initiated a discourse but PK you were too full of yourself. You were always right and I wasn’t.
Indeed God met me where you left me, He took my hand and told me I was worth it. He saved my life at the theater room and just when I thought I’d lost my baby, he brought him back to life. (our son was a blue baby). The lord has given me a second chance at life and I intend to make full use of it for His glory. He saved me from post-partum depression, yes! I suffered depression when I had our son. And it hurts to think you actually said you didn’t believe what I went through and I just wanted to make excuses, Wow!!
But God gave me a second chance to rediscover myself and my true value. I had another opportunity to choose and I chose Happiness. I needed to be happy. I couldn’t throw that away by marrying you. I have had enough of your intransigent behavior. Truth is, I’m no longer angry with you, I’m not vengeful either because God has given me enough. I’ve experienced the peace of God and I intend to keep things that way. I forgive you and I pray you find happiness too PK.
Jesus gave me beauty for my ashes. Take care
—Esi
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