I am sharing this in response to the lady who said her mother is not concerned about her love life. I just want to say that the fact that your mum doesn’t put pressure on you to get married doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you. I believe she is a good mother. Society already makes things difficult for you. It would be worse if your support system also bombarded you with questions like, “When are you getting married?” I believe that’s why your mum doesn’t say anything. This is my story.

I too have a good relationship with my mother. There is nothing about me that she doesn’t know. I am a grown woman but whenever I had to leave the house my mum would ask, “Where are you going?” After I told her she would respond, “Be safe. Make sure you get home before sunset.”

During the lockdown period in 2020, my mother made it a point to tell me stories of all the young people in our village who were getting married. Even when I moved out of the house and was living on my own, she still told me these stories. I visited her every two weeks. Every time I got there she would start, “Guess whose child got married recently?” I could never guess correctly but I would have to play along until she got tired and told me.

My mother didn’t have to clearly state her intentions. I am mature enough to understand that all the stories she shared were reminders that I was getting older yet I didn’t have a husband. I wasn’t offended. If anything, I appreciated her kindness. She could have easily said, “People younger than you are getting married, so when are you bringing home a man?” Rather, she chose to go about it subtly.

That same year in December, I went home for the Christmas holidays. We were all caught up in the festivities. There was enough food and drinks to fill our bellies. My father especially, was very merry. He wouldn’t stay away from the liquor bottles.

After I handed everyone their presents, my dad, whose mouth kept running because he had too much to drink boisterously said, “Thank you very much for these thoughtful gifts, my dear. It’s nice but what we truly want is for you to get married soon. Even if you don’t get married, have a baby. You will see what good will come out of it.”

That was the first time any of them had directly addressed my non-existent love life. I was so surprised I turned to look at my mother’s face but looked away before I could make eye contact with her. I knew just then that the two of them had discussed it. My mother couldn’t share their concerns with me so my drunk father did it.

READ ALSO: He Says He Loves Me But I Can’t See It. Can You See It?

2021 was a difficult year for me. And the only thing that made sense to me at the time was the constant desire to have a child. I would go to sleep and see the face of an adorable child. I would wake up in the morning with thoughts of having a baby. It was a drive I couldn’t control.

In 2022, I gave birth to a son. I named him after my father. He was so happy that he threw a party to celebrate the birth of my son. He is not the only grandchild they have but they spoil him rotten. Although I am not married, they love my son and accept him completely. I believe all those times they never said anything, they must have been worried that I would remain single forever and never have kids. That’s why they adore my son so much.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

So dear Missy, do not conclude that your mum isn’t concerned about you or your future. There are people who respect other people’s boundaries. They care about you so much that they do nothing to mess with your emotions.

I will advise you to relax and be open to new love. I am also looking for a life partner. Sadly, here in Kenya there is a reputation that single mothers are not marriageable anymore. Because of that, it’s difficult to find a man who genuinely loves you. I wish us both, and every woman in our shoes the best of luck. May we all get the love we deserve.

—Mama B

If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.

#SB