My wife caught me cheating. Two days later, she packed her things and left with the kids. She didn’t tell me she was leaving. I went to work and came back to meet an empty house. When I called her line she told me the marriage was over.

“Just like that?” I thought we were going to talk about it. I thought we would address it like all couples do when they face a problem.” She responded, “There’s nothing to talk about. If you slept with another woman then it means you love her more. You’re free to go to her. You can start a home with her just like you told her.”

All my pleas went unheard. I read all the articles that answered the question, “What you should do when your wife catches you cheating.” I put them into action. I accepted my fault. I showed remorse. I was ready to give her time to heal. I was ready to be transparent and be a better man. All that didn’t work on my wife.

I was so embarrassed I didn’t know who to call and discuss the issue with.  I stayed home thinking of the next action until my wife’s father called. He wanted to know what was happening. I was too embarrassed to say anything so I told him I would come home and discuss the issues. Their house wasn’t far from where we lived but it took me days to be able to go and see them.

“What’s going on? She’s not saying anything. She says you’ll tell your own story.” Her father queried. I looked at him embarrassingly and accepted I cheated on her. My wife screamed, “You didn’t just cheat. Mention the woman you cheated with so we’ll all know you don’t have shame.”

I went on my knees. I pleaded for mercy. I asked them to intercede on my behalf. I needed my wife and the kids back home. My father-in-law told me he couldn’t decide for my wife. My mother-in-law calmed me and told me she would talk to her.

A month later, my wife called. She said she wanted a divorce. “I don’t want the whole world to hear our story so don’t drag it. Let’s go through it amicably so no one hears about your devilish deeds.”

My heart sunk into my stomach. I thought she was punishing me for some time and later come back home after I’d shown remorse. “Lucy, don’t do that. I’m begging you in the name of God. The world would laugh at us. This marriage is too young to go through a divorce. Don’t you have a heart that forgives, Lucy?”

All along, my parents didn’t know what was happening. I was too ashamed to tell them about it. I thought I could weather the storm and put my marriage back on track without their involvement. When my wife mentioned divorce, I had to bring them in. My mom asked, “So what is it on that lady that you couldn’t find on your wife? You shame us.” My dad tried to be an understanding father. He assured me he would do his best.

After two family meetings and a visit from our pastor, my wife insisted on a divorce. The pastor asked for separation for a year to think through things. My wife retorted, “It won’t change anything. It would be easier to fly to the sun with wax wings than for me to change my mind. I’m not returning to shame. I’m not returning to a man who’ll jump over me and sleep with a neighbour’s house help. What’s in a house help that should put my marriage to shame?”

I tried. I exhausted all the points in the list of things a man should do when he’s caught cheating but nothing worked. One month later, the traditional marriage was over. She used that as evidence to end the ordinance marriage. In court, she said, “I don’t want anything from him. We haven’t made a lot together as a couple but he should keep everything. Me and the kids will start afresh.”

Soon we were over. Both traditionally and legally. I was allowed to see the kids. Our first was four. The second was only two. I visited them on weekends. I sent a gift. I took them out on weekends. I couldn’t bring them home because I didn’t want them to see how lonely and empty my life had become. The first one kept asking me, “Dad when are you coming home? Mom says this is our new home so when are you coming?” The innocence of a child is charming until it begins to break your sinful heart.

We were happy. We hardly fought. Life wasn’t a daily splendour but we had it by the neck. We were doing just fine until I allowed that girl to hold the neck of my marriage and broke it into two.

READ ALSO: We Were Friends Until He Stole A Piece Of My Life From Me

I found a new job outside town and left. It felt like the world knew about my indiscretion so when they looked at me, I felt the judgement in their eyes. “Somewhere new will do. I will visit once in a while to see my kids,” I told myself.

I was calling regularly to check on the kids. Lucy didn’t want to talk to me so each time I called, she gave the phone to the kid without saying a word to me. The first would tell me about school and missing erasers. The second will speak gibberish with a pure heart and intent. When I was with them on the phone, I didn’t want to stop. Sometimes I would ask the first kid, “What’s mommy doing?” He’ll tell me something that didn’t explain anything but was good enough.

Two years later, I was on the phone with my mom when she mentioned that she had heard Lucy was about to marry. The man was coming from abroad to marry her. “It’s a lie!” I screamed. My mom answered, “I don’t know how true that is but that’s what I heard.”

I hadn’t visited for more than four months but the next weekend, I picked a bus and went home. Lucy was no longer living with her parents. She got herself a small apartment where she lived with the kids. On weekends, she sent them to her parents so she could be free to live her life. It was a Friday evening when I got into town. I went to her house and she wasn’t there. I waited at the main gate until she got there late in the evening.

When she saw me she jolted. I said sorry. She asked what I was doing there. She told me if I wanted to see the kids I should go to her parents. I told her, “I came to see you.” She stood there looking at me as if she didn’t believe she was the one I came to see. She took me in, sat on the floor while I sat on the sofa. She said, “Now, here we are. Let me hear you.”

I looked around the room. I saw our family portrait on the wall. We took that photo when our second was a year old. I got up and walked to it. I said, “We are still here.” She answered, “It’s just a photo. Something to tell the kids it’s still a home.”

I told her, “Yeah, it’s still a home but I’m not in it, unfortunately. But you know what? It’s not too late. I will do anything to have us back.”

She laughed out loudly. I said I was serious. She said I couldn’t be serious. She sat on the floor in her shoes and work dress and listened to me talk for minutes without end. She said, “You destroyed us. I blame you.” I answered, “That’s why I want to put us back together again. I started a new life and it’s working. For two years it’s always been you and the family in my mind. I’m too scared to start again. It has to be you and the kids and me again. Think about it, we were not that bad until I made things bad with my indiscretion.”

We talked all night in her empty hall. She sat on the floor with her legs apart listening and thinking and shaking her head. She said, “Unfortunately, there’s someone. We are getting serious. He’s coming home soon. When he comes, anything can happen.” I went quiet for a while. “You trust he would be a better father to the kids than I would ever be?” I asked. She answered, “He’s not coming into my life because of the kids. The kids are our chapter. He’s a new chapter I’m opening in my life.”

I left her house around 1 a.m. She was sober and reflective. She sent me to the gate and waved me goodbye. I waved back like a kid in love. She didn’t talk to me again for like three months. She didn’t pick up my calls. My text messages went unanswered. I woke up at dawn just to write a long message that would never be answered but I didn’t stop writing them. One day she called. She said, “If you’re serious about what you’re saying, I’ll listen to you. The kids need their father. It’s not the excuse but…”

I cut in, “I understand. I didn’t lie about anything I said the other day when I was with you. I’m ready. Come with the kids.”

They came around every weekend. That’s how it started.

Anytime she came around, she left something of hers behind. I understand that’s how women mark their territory. It’s a silent communication that said, “This space belongs to me. No woman should trespass.” I got a new wardrobe. I put whatever she left behind in the wardrobe. I built her a mirror and a stand for her makeup. She brought makeup things and didn’t leave with them. One evening she was with me when her mom called. She told her mom. “I’m with Andy.” I could hear her mom screaming through the phone. She was excited about something I didn’t know. Lucy said, “We’ll come home soon. Tell dad.”

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It


The man from abroad who wanted to marry her? She told him the father of his kids was coming back. She apologised for leading him on. She ended the relationship the very day he landed.

We went home and reconciled our marriage. It was something small for us to take things from where we left off. It’s been six years.  I’ve never looked back. I’ve never looked back at a woman who passed me by. It’s been Lucy I see even when I close my eyes. I’m very careful because I know how it feels to lose her. She wanted a third kid so we made one. It’s a girl. I call her “WP” in short. In full, I call her Welcome Party.” The result of our coming back together.

—Andy

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