In our first month of dating, he called me one day and asked, “Babe I need some money urgently. Can you give me a loan?” “How much?” I asked unsuspectingly. “GHC3,500” he quipped. I almost shouted “Eiii” but I calmly asked what he was going to use the money for. He didn’t say it. He only answered, “I need it urgently for something.”

I am not a rich woman. On a normal day, I wouldn’t have that money lying around. However, I was saving toward my rent. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to take GHC3,500 out of my savings for him. Before I gave him the money I told him, “This money is part of my rent so I need you to pay it on time. If not, I will be stranded.” He swore he would even pay it before I asked. He said he would pay it back in a week’s time and it’s been nine months now but he still hasn’t paid me back.

Before I started talking to Nana, I had been single for three years. My love life always ended bitterly for me so I decided to stay away from love and anything related to romance. During those three years, Nana was sending me messages on Facebook. I didn’t want anything to do with any man so I ignored him the entire time.

It was early last year that I finally responded to one of his messages. Things kicked off from there. I realized one of the reasons I ignored him for so long was because he didn’t strike me as someone who was financially sound.

It’s not as if I am interested in his money, far from that. I may not be rich but I happen to be doing well for myself. I take care of my two younger siblings because we lost our mum. Our father is alive but he is down with a stroke. Me and my older siblings take care of his medical bills and general upkeep.

You can imagine the kind of pressure I feel as a young thirty-year-old woman. That was why I didn’t want to end up with a man who wasn’t financially independent. I didn’t want to add somebody’s son to my list of responsibilities. I took my careful time waiting for the right man, only to end up with Nana.

There has never been a day when this guy has money. He is always texting me, “Babe, I don’t have anything on me so I haven’t eaten since morning. Can you send me some money to buy food?” I would feel bad and send it to him. I believe one can only pour into the same cup for too long. I am beginning to tire of his constant begging.

He doesn’t go to work. Every time I ask, “Why are you at home? Shouldn’t you be at work?” He would tell me, “We are on break.” I don’t know the kind of break they gave them that has stretched on for months now.

I want to be there for him. I want to help him be his own man. Here lies the case, he doesn’t talk to me. He is always frugal with information. How can I help someone who won’t open up to me about his problems?

All he knows to do is ask me for things. Even on the few occasions that he got money, he never bought me a present. Not even a bar of chocolate on Valentine’s Day. I asked him why he didn’t buy me a gift and he said, “You live far away from me. How would I get it to you?” It doesn’t make sense because I crossed the same distance to give him a gift.

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The rate at which he takes from me, I always ask myself how I fell in love with him. What did I see in him that convinced me he was worth the trouble? His money problems aside, he doesn’t put any effort into the relationship.

It doesn’t even occur to him that as a couple, we should do things to make each other happy. He would promise to visit me but wouldn’t show up. He wouldn’t even apologize for not showing up. He would accept an invitation to attend an event with me but would disappear when it was time to go. He is not a magician but he is good at disappearing when you need him the most.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I’m already drained taking care of my two siblings, and my father, now I have to add my boyfriend too? I am even sad for myself for walking into this situation. There is no point in holding on to a relationship that does not serve my interests. So I have decided to break up with him.

Looking back at my life without him, I was happier then. I was single but my mind was at peace. I didn’t have a full-grown man mooching off me. So I will crawl back into my shell. Maybe one day, true love will find me.

—Ivy

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