A few months ago my boyfriend proposed we go on a date. This is not something we have done before. He wanted us to go to a nice amusement park and spend some time bonding, just the two of us. It sounded so romantic. I was excited when we fixed the date for this outing. I planned my outfit and my hairstyle in my head. I would wear something casual yet so sexy. You know, I would make it look like I wasn’t even trying to look good.

When the date was approaching, my boyfriend got an email from his school. He owed some fees and exams was around the corner. He was given a deadline to pay the rest of the money if not he wouldn’t graduate. When he discussed this with me I told him, “We can’t go and chill while you’re owing school fees. Why don’t we postpone our date until you sort this money issue out?” He agreed with me and was very thankful.

Given his situation, I proposed to pay the bills when we go on this date. He vehemently declined my offer. “You will do no such thing. I am the man in this relationship so it’s not your responsibility to pay bills.” What choice did I have but to keep my money to myself?

Time passed and his fees were paid. He graduated as planned, however, he never brought up the topic of our date. I didn’t know what was going on in his head or pockets so I decided to wait patiently till he was ready. One day I suggested a simple night out at a pub in his vicinity. It was supposed to be on a Friday night so we could unwind after work.

My boyfriend agreed but when the day arrived he called to tell me, “Babe, I’m sorry but I have to cancel tonight’s plans. I just closed from work and I’m too tired to lift another muscle. We can schedule another night when I don’t have work.” I was disappointed but I understood him. “His work is labour intensive so if he says he is tired then it’s true,” I said to myself.

Ever since that time, I have not tried to get us to go on another date. During the week of Christmas, he told me about a plan he made for us to enjoy the festivities together. “I want us to have a night of drinks at the pub,” he said. He said it was going to be the two of us. Again, I was excited.

When I agreed to go, he quickly chipped in that he was inviting a third person. “Who is this person?” I asked. He waved his hand in a casual manner before saying, “Oh, it’s just someone I met online recently.” Out of excitement, I said it was cool.

Later, I sat down to think about the arrangements and realized I wasn’t comfortable with my boyfriend bringing someone he just online to our date. It made me feel our time together was not as special to him as it was to me. So I told him I wouldn’t be available on the day he chose.

He wasn’t pleased with my response. “You were excited about it so what changed?” He asked. “First, you made plans without telling me. Our original plan was to go to the park but you changed it to the pub, no problem. But you are bringing along a friend you just met on the internet. I don’t feel right about it. It looks like you made plans with your friend and you are bringing me along as a third wheel,” answered I.

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He was not happy. He told me I was blowing things out of proportion. “Do you think I have any bad intentions toward you? You know I love you.” He ranted. I remained grounded in my decision not to go, telling him I wouldn’t like to be treated like an option. He then told me he was canceling the outing because I wasn’t available. That was none of my business so I didn’t mind him.

A few days ago, he texted me while at work that the new online friend had invited him for an outing. From the chat he sent me, he had agreed to go and asked me to come along with him when he closed from work. Again, I declined and told him the plan was between the two of them so it wouldn’t be right for me to tag along. I also reminded him of the time he canceled our night out because he was too tired from work. “That pub was in your neighborhood but you didn’t go. But you are willing to travel a long distance after work to meet an internet friend? Okay.” I said to him.

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Once again, he got upset and accused me of being dramatic. “You are always looking for problems where there are none,” he said. Again, he canceled his plans because I refused to go. I’m aware he has gone to plan another outing with this “new friend” at my blind side, but that’s up to him. I won’t force myself to be treated as an option.

I don’t know what or who this supposed internet friend of his is but that’s his problem. Am I doing the right thing by canceling any time he includes me in their plans? Or am I indeed overreacting?

—Enyo

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