He is not the first man I have dated. He just happens to be the first man who has accepted all of me. That’s why I allowed myself to fall head over heels in love with him. The men who came before him, I only loved them with a grain of salt. That’s because I saw in their eyes their reservations about loving me. You see, I have a deformity. It’s not something that affects my mobility, sight, speech or hearing. However, it affects the way I look physically.

This is the reason men find it difficult to approach me. The ones who do, do it halfhearted. Kofi was nothing like that. He looked at me as if I was the most perfect being he had ever seen. I felt safe and for once, I did not wish for an invisible cloak to hide myself from his gaze. Rather, I felt free to be myself. How could I not have loved him?

He was not the perfect boyfriend, not by a long shot. I had caught him cheating on me on more than one occasion. It isn’t that I was not giving him shuperu. I was determined to keep myself for marriage but he said intimacy was important to him. And I was in love with him, so I allowed him to be my first. It turned out, that was not enough to keep him from straying.

A year into the relationship, he got the opportunity to travel abroad to pursue his master’s degree. We agreed to do a long-distance relationship so we didn’t break up. We made plans. “We will talk to each other every day,” we promised. “I will visit as soon as it is possible,” he said. We were sure that the vast distance between us would do nothing to affect us.

When he first got there, we were doing it. He called regularly and we were always texting. If we had continued that way, I wouldn’t be here sharing this story. I don’t know what got into this guy but he started ignoring my calls out of nowhere. I would text him but he wouldn’t respond until days had passed. He kept using his school and work schedule as an excuse.

I told myself, “Why am I allowing this guy to ignore me as if I don’t matter? I am a beautiful young woman with a successful career. There are many men out there who will want me.” This is something I said to comfort myself. The truth is, there were no men coming my way. Even though I was ready to move on from him, I had no one else who wanted me. That was why I decided to stay with him until someone better comes along.

In 2021, I was scrolling my Instagram feed when I came across a post he made. A girl commented on the post as if she was his girlfriend. So I sent the lady a message asking about her relationship with Kofi. The lady was also in Ghana. She said, “Kofi told me he had a girlfriend before leaving Ghana but she was putting him under pressure so they broke up.” I assumed the girl in question was me except for the fact that we hadn’t broken up.

I confronted Kofi about what the girl told me and he denied it. He said he didn’t even know her. I didn’t want to drag it out so I just let it go. As time passed, nothing changed. He continued to ignore me as always. I tried to hold on but the pain I was going through was too much, so I blocked him. I wanted some space to get over him.

It was hard but I was working through my healing process. Things were progressing well until he sent me a message on my Instagram business account. It wasn’t even a proper apology. What he said was, “Please, let’s put everything that happened in the past behind us so we can start afresh.” This message confused my emotions and shattered all the progress I had made. Suddenly, I was reminded that I still loved him.

I took him back with the hope that things would be better. Unfortunately, they were not. He was still awful to me. It became obvious to me that he was no longer in love with me yet he did not want to let me go. I knew this but the knowledge that he is the only man who has so far accepted me in spite of my deformity, kept me glued to him.

On his birthday last year, I called this guy to wish him a happy birthday. He never answered my calls. He ignored all of my texts until the day ended. To think that I had been with him for four whole years and he was treating me like that was so heartbreaking. I cried. I regretted ever meeting him. And then, I blocked him again, determined to move on this time around.

In September last year, he reached out to me again. This time around he apologized for his absence. He said it was the pressure of moving away from home that made him misbehave. He concluded, “Allow me to make it up to you when I come to Ghana this December. None of the things eating my time will be in the way. It’s just going to be the two of us making up for lost time.” Once again, I chose to give him another chance hoping he would truly change.

He came to Ghana in December and I met him at the airport. We spent a few hours together and parted ways. The next day he asked me to meet him at the mall after work. I closed from work and got to the location but Kofi was nowhere to be found. I called him like twenty times but he didn’t pick up. After waiting for two hours, I left. It was when I got home that he called me. “I am sorry,” he pleaded, “I left my phone inside my car so I didn’t see your calls. Where are you? Can you come back? I want to see you.” I should have screamed at him for making me wait all that time. I should have refused to go back to the meeting point. But I didn’t do any of that.

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I got into the nearest car and returned to the mall to meet my boyfriend. Once again, he was nowhere to be found. I called him several times but no response. I waited for him till midnight, but he didn’t show up. He had left the place knowing very well that I was coming to see him. That night, I went home in tears and cried myself to sleep.

He went back to his family’s house in Kumasi so all his big talk about spending time with me was a lie. He still ignores my calls and texts. I know I deserve better than what I am getting from Kofi. I know this relationship with Kofi won’t go far. I know I should break up with him so the right man will come my way. That is why I need help.

When God Throws A Wife On Your Table

My heart is constantly bleeding. When I go to work, I don’t think much about him, but when I close from work or I have a day off, it’s hell. All I think about is how much pain I have endured in Kofi’s hands for the past five years. I want to gather the strength to walk away and never look back, but I can’t seem to find any strength. I believe I need the help of a counselor or someone who will be my guide through this dark time.

I doubt that I can do this on my own. If anyone here would like to be my light and my pillar while I navigate through this heartbreaking place, kindly reach out. It’s so bad that I am crying as I am sharing this story. Please, help me.

—Davida

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