When he texts me and finds me online, he gets angry. He would say things like, “I am leaving you so you chat with whoever has your attention right now.” I dare not reply to his texts a few seconds after he has sent them. If I don’t reply to his text immediately after he sends them, all hell will break loose. We all walked into the relationship having had a past, but James never healed from his previous relationship.
He brought his baggage into our relationship and I was the one who suffered for it. He has certain expectations that are just unrealistic. He expected me to chat with only him. Meanwhile, at the time we started dating, I didn’t have a job. It was necessary for me to constantly talk to people so they would fit me somewhere good. How was I supposed to do that without chatting with these people? I explained this to James but he still had problems with it.
Whatever his problem was, I never found out. All I understood was that I was only allowed to be online if he was online and if he went offline, I had to do the same. If I was on a call with him and he heard a noise, he would accuse me of bringing someone into my room. “Let’s have a video call so you can show me your room. I want to know that you’re alone in that room.” I frown on cheating. I also know that my man has trust issues. So why would I cheat?
I assured James countless times, “You have nothing to fear when it comes to me and other men. I am not that kind of person. You have to trust me. Without trust, this relationship will fail.” Nothing I said went into his head. He continued to monitor me as if he was a spirit. I was hurt knowing that my boyfriend did not trust me.
One day he lied to me to get me to come to a place. I honored his invitation with no knowledge he had his own intentions. Out of nowhere, he said he needed my phone to make a call. I have a habit of clearing old messages, pictures, and Google searches just to save space on my phone. James didn’t know this about me.
When I gave him my phone, he turned on my data despite the fact that I had not been online yet. My attention was on other matters when he brought the phone back to me. “I couldn’t make the phone call,” he said, “Can you unlock it again for me to use?” He was acting suspicious about something but I went ahead to unlock the phone.
It was then I realized that this guy was trying to link my WhatsApp to his device. I didn’t understand why he would do such a thing. Whatever he was on a mission to find, I had no idea. A friend had sent a follow-up voice note asking that I teach him how to perform a task. There was nothing incriminating in his message but knowing James, he would get upset that a man had sent me a voice note. So I deleted it.
While I was still holding my phone, James sent me a text. “Please, I need your phone back. I still haven’t made that call.” I went to him and returned my phone to him. I asked if he was trying to link my WhatsApp account to his phone. This guy shook his head vigorously to say no. I told him, “I know that was what you were doing. If you had told me the truth I would have helped you.” When I finished talking, he asked for my password. I didn’t give it to him. I only unlocked the phone for him to make his call.
Later, he brought me my phone telling me he had a fight with me. I was confused but before I could ask what was going on, he started asking me lots of questions. The first one was, “Why did you receive a recorded message this early morning?” After I answered him he asked again, “Why did you delete the text?” He then concluded that I was a dishonest person. I had to exchange embarrassing texts with him in an attempt to prove that I am honest.
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I know it looked bad but all his accusations were not true. I didn’t deny the fact that the recorded message I received was a follow-up message and I told him I’m used to clearing some messages that are no longer of use to me. I further explained that I do this only to save space. I also let him understand that I deleted the message because I didn’t want him to see it and cause problems. I just wanted to avoid any misunderstanding.
To prove that I was not doing anything wrong, I asked my friend to resend the voice note he sent earlier. He did it but still, James was convinced I was hiding something from him.
Call Your Ex And Ask Why It Didn’t Work Out Between You Two
He accused me again of not being honest. He called me a backstabber. “You brought a third person into our relationship. You disguised him as an old friend but I see through your act. After everything I have seen, I can’t be with you anymore. It’s over. I’m done.” I’m hurt because all of his accusations are not true.
He deleted our messages on WhatsApp and blocked me everywhere. I have put in too much effort in this relationship to just walk away. Two years is not an easy journey. I want to reach out to him and try to make things right, but I don’t know how to. What should I do?
—Afia
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#SB
Afia ,sorry to say but you are an idiot….two good years of being abused and you are finding a way to go back and get more abused?????…….why do you ladies love abuse Soo much?
Will James be still around if you were abusing him the way he did you????
Go to his house and let him finish you then come back here to cry .
I’m sorry Afia. But I have to agree with this one. Thank you Kwasi!
Aaash kwesi I second u. So Afia u want to accept this his attitude to marriage. Will you ever be happy? Or later asking for ways to divorce him. Some of you ladies who born u ? Be using ur heads small and think ahead aah 😱
My dear I am ashamed of you paa. Y do want someone who stresses you emotionally? You owe him no explanations. This is how abuse starts. This is emotional abuse. Go where you are wanted and needed. Clearly he wants you as a prisoner. If you get married to him you won’t be able to talk to your family talk much less of visiting them. Shine your eyes. He will drive every one away from you. Give some respect to your self and erase him from your life.
All has been said,madam go back and continue this thing you call a relationship
Two years and so
You see why some of these guys will keep misbehaving towards ladies,its because of you
Girl, what are going back to, the mistrust, the insecurity? Really? Is it that men don’t approach you that you yearning to return to someone who is that insecure? If you’re finding it difficult to get the attention of other men, request of my email from SB and I’d be glad to find you a gentleman who will treat you like a queen
You don’t deserve to be pitied at all. With all these ill-treatment you are crying because he has left. When he comes back you are going to see worse. Don’t go back to him. Two years is quite a lot that has gone under the bridge but just cut your losses and move on. You will be better off without him than enduring all the abuses.
I second MaameEfua’s comment.
Pls run away from that relationship to save yourself. You will thank us later
I always hold on to this words “It is not how far but how well” This is a short word but it’s massive and it Carrie’s weight. I won’t waste time on this issue. I have just 2 things to say and it’s going to come in form of a question.
1. Did you cheat on him? 2. Were you happy while you dated him? It is a very hard task to date or be with someone who never truly healed from his past relationship. Lastly. I strongly believe you’ll keep explaining things to him if you go back go that relationship. End it, love on and heal before dating someone seek.
Chaleeee, women when will we wise up… This guy is abusing you emotionally and mentally and you still want to go back to him.What at all do you see in him.Is he worth all that? My dear, move on with your life wai, you will definitely find someone far better than him.