Silent treatment is my husband’s language. The very first month we got married, we had a misunderstanding. I wanted to address it but my husband refused to talk to me. He chose to sleep on the floor the night it happened. I thought by morning he would feel better and we would talk about our problems and resolve them. However, he still refused to talk to me.

This went on for days. While he was ignoring me he was making posts about our problems on his WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. I was hurt. I tried to make him talk to me but he wouldn’t budge. I involved a third party when I got tired of being ignored. The problem was solved and we moved on.

Unfortunately, that was not the last of it. Whenever we have a fight, he would shut me out. He would sleep on the floor and withhold sex from me until the issue is resolved. This man has spent more days sleeping on the floor than he has spent sleeping in our bed.

It so happens that the only way we address these problems is if I involve our counselors or other third parties. Truly, ever since we got married we’ve never settled disputes just between us. I always have to bring in someone else, because that’s the only way he would talk about his problems.

His behavior makes me feel like the man in the marriage. According to what I have been taught, women drag issues but men don’t. Well, my husband is the one who holds the box of grudges in this marriage. I have cried and pleaded with him to stop what he does but nothing has changed. He would rather complain bitterly about me to his friends than tell me what I did to hurt him.

I read some of his chats with his friends, and the things he tells them about me are just heartbreaking. If he is not talking to his friends, he is trolling me on his social media pages. Our counselors have advised him to stop but he keeps at it. The only way I could help myself was to unfollow him on all his handles. There are times I even have to block him on WhatsApp for the sake of my sanity.

Another thing he does that makes me unhappy is his behavior toward money. When we first got married, I realized he tried to control my money. Everything that had to do with my money, he would spend it anywhere. He can even pay someone GHC5000 to do a poor job for us because I am the one paying for it.

One day I was at work when he called me. He doesn’t usually call me so I thought there was an emergency. I picked up only to hear him say, “Mavis, the gas is finished. Send me mobile money to buy some.” I got angry. That’s my life now. I have become extremely quick-tempered because of him. I wasn’t like this before I married him.

Everything in our marriage that doesn’t affect him directly doesn’t concern him. He doesn’t worry himself about my well-being. Instead, he has made himself into a burden. He doesn’t buy me anything. On days he has to buy something for me, he would ask me for the money and use it to buy it.

Whenever there’s something that involves money, he would start complaining. “You know I don’t have money so why am I paying for these things?” “I don’t have enough money on me to spend, let’s use yours.” He would go on and on until I get tired and pay for the things. I don’t understand why he acts responsibly with his money but jumps on the opportunity to waste mine. Meanwhile, his salary is not meager.

The emotional torture of his silent treatment, the gaslighting, and his absolute refusal to take responsibility as a man has turned me into an angry woman.

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He has made himself into someone who cannot be corrected. He doesn’t apologize when he is wrong. According to him, I am always at fault. Let it not be said of him that he has ever done anything wrong in his life. He would make a mistake and tell me, “It’s your fault. I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you.” So according to him, I am always the cause of our problems.

For the past eight months, we haven’t been living together. He says he has his reasons for moving away but I believe he has abandoned me. He visits weekly. When he is not with me we don’t talk. He wouldn’t call me or answer my calls. If he texts me, it is only to ask if I have food at home that he would eat when he gets home.

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At this point, I am convinced that he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore. I know this journey is for better or worse, but I regret marrying him. I wish I had never ever met him. How can he behave as if we are merely dating after going to ask for my hand in marriage? Will I be wrong to leave him?

I want to add that I read comments of people insulting the lady whose husband says she is quick-tempered. I am not justifying her actions but sometimes husbands put us through things that alter our personalities. So let us be gracious in our judgments.

—Mavis

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