I was still in school when we started dating. He was the perfect boyfriend at first. Everything we did was geared toward marriage. That was what we talked about when we began. So it was what guided us as we went along. I was twenty when things became official between us. By the time I turned twenty-three, I realized that Daniel was cheating on me. It was the one thing I couldn’t forgive in a relationship.

Despite the fact that we had been together for three years, I was ready to leave him. Just when I was in the process of leaving, I found out that I was pregnant with his child. When I told him about it he was pleased. He knew I wouldn’t think about getting rid of it. So he seized the opportunity to propose, “Why don’t we get married as quickly as possible? That way we will have this child inside the confines of marriage.”

I thought about the repercussions if I chose to go ahead with the break up while I was still pregnant with his child. Terminating the pregnancy was not an option. So at the end of the day, I agreed to marry him. In less than a month, we were married. My first child was born seven months after our wedding.

Those first few months we spent together were beautiful. He was the doting husband and I was the ever-pampered pregnant wife. I forgave him for cheating on me while we were dating and never brought it up again. Our marriage bed was a bed of roses. I was happy that despite my reservations, all was well.

One thing I forgot was that, where there were roses, there were bound to be thorns. The thorns began to prick me when I found out he was having an extramarital affair. When I confronted him, he made it seem I was the problem. In his words, “You have low self-esteem, and that caused me to find what I am looking for in another woman.” I was shocked, but not as much as I was hurt.

I should have known better but I stayed. I tried to be the kind of woman he wanted me to be. I thought if I became everything he needed in a woman, I would be enough for him. However, in return for my troubles, he continued to cheat on me. I found out after I gave birth to our second child.

This time around, I decided to leave the marriage. Unfortunately, his family adores me. For this reason, they did not accept the dissolution of our union. They sat us down and resolved our problems. He promised not to cheat again and I also promised to leave him the next time he does. With that agreement, I forgave him once again and stayed.

Thirteen years together as a married couple, and I just found out he’s been sleeping with his subordinate at work to the full glare of all the workers. He does not care enough about our marriage to be discreet. He does not even care enough about my health to be safe. This man could contract STDs and bring them to me yet he is living his life recklessly.

I am currently thirty-five with two children. I have a job that earns me well. Most of the time, I’m the one who supports him. So it isn’t that I am staying with him because I am dependent on him financially. That’s why I say I have had enough.

What hurts the most is the way he behaves when I catch him. He either pretends he is not doing anything or he blames me for his behavior. The gaslighting is what kills my soul.

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I am not even sad anymore. I am no longer crying or feeling sorry for myself. I believe I have allowed this disrespect to continue for so long. The only thing I want right now is a divorce. I want to know if there’s a divorce lawyer here who’s willing to help a sister out.

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I want to free myself from this marriage so I can focus on taking care of my children. I also need to heal from everything this narcissistic husband of mine has put me through. I have faith that some day I will pick myself up from these ashes.

If there is a lawyer who can help me, kindly reach out, and let’s end this marriage before I contract a deadly disease and leave my kids behind.

—Anas

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