My daughter is twelve years old. I was nineteen years old when I gave birth to her. Her father didn’t agree for us to have her. Even my own parents didn’t want me to have her. They said I was too young. My mom felt I was jeopardizing my future for having a child at nineteen. But I felt removing the baby was a scar I would carry for the rest of my life so I went against everyone’s wishes and had the child.

I went back to school while my parents helped in taking care of her. My mom wanted to tell those who didn’t know the story that I was a sister to my own child and that she was the mother. No, I didn’t agree. I let everyone including my child know that I was the mother. There were a lot of troubles. I fought unseen hands. I didn’t win but I didn’t lose my child to anyone. It’s a long story for another day. Today’s story is a love story intertwined with confusion. I feel I’ve given my daughter enough so she should give me this one but she says no.

She’s twelve and adoring. You should see us together. We play like girls in love and talk about everything; those she hates and wants me to hate. Those who said what to her and the boy who called her beautiful in class. I tell her about my day. She knew I was looking for love so whenever we saw a nice man and I looked back at him, she asked me, “Wo pɛ anaa?” I would tell her what I like about the man and say something like, “But he’s probably in love with someone else so we can’t win.”

When she was going to class six, I went to her school to meet her new class teacher to discuss her learning needs. I’ve done that every year when she’s promoted. I want to know how she’s doing in school, what she’s doing well and what she struggles with. I want to know if she takes classwork seriously or if she plays around. I opened that door for her teachers so they could tell me everything before something went wrong academically.

I met her class teacher and he was the kind of guy I would turn back and look at again but I went straight to the point and he got it. When I was leaving, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. It started from, “Claris did this in class today,” to “Claris failed a dictation test today” and finally landed at “What are you cooking today? Can I pass by and get my share?”

When we started, I didn’t want my daughter to know about it. Godwin only came around when I’d taken my daughter to my parents or to a friend who loved to host her. I took my time to know Godwin. He was into me judging from the things he said to me and his reasons for doing the things he did for me. Our relationship was just a couple of months old when he took me home to meet his family. He told them I was his wife. He told them he met me through my daughter. Wherever he introduced me, he introduced my daughter too.

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We both hatched a plan to let Claris know what was going on. He said, “She should one day come home and meet me lying on your couch.” I responded, “Nooo that would be too harsh. She will be shocked into silence. Let’s not do that. Something slow and subtle. I want her to guess it right so she’ll ask me about it. I will do the telling from there.”

I gave her something to be given to her teacher every morning when she was leaving for school. I went to the school to see Godwin often but didn’t talk to my daughter. She started giving me a fake cough in the house. She asked, “What’s going on?”

We had dated for seven months at her blind spot. I told her about it. It was gradual. I explained a hell of things to her before finally saying, “We are dating. Me and Godwin.”

She screamed, “No ooo, it can’t be him. Do you want my friends to tease me? I don’t want my father to be my teacher. Nooo it’s not right.” “Claris, love is right,” I told her. “You’ll grow one day to understand that it’s not easy to find the right kind of love from the right man. Sometimes, the wrong one loves you right and you’re confused. It’s almost a curse if the right one loves you wrong. This here is right from right. Don’t let us fight about it.”

Her final words were, “Then take me out of the school. Do your love thing and let me do my school.”

She thinks it’s easy. The next good school around is two lorries away from where we live. The inconvenience is not worth it. I asked her to be patient; “At least, complete the third term so we can think about what next to do.” She accepted but she is making me feel I did the wrong thing for letting her know. She goes to school with her head down until she closes. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Even in the house, I struggle to get a smile from her.

Godwin has come around here only once since she got to know about us. The reception wasn’t that good so I stopped him from coming. I go to him in the dark. I talk to him in whispers so Claris wouldn’t know. It’s been lonely for years. I’ve dedicated all my time and life to Claris, ignoring my emotional needs just to make her feel safe. This is the only thing I’m asking her to do in return and she’s fighting it.

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How can I make it easy for her to understand? She’s a child and fragile. I don’t have to break her to build my love life. I want to build this story while she grows and glows. Godwin loves her. She’s central to our goals. I’m sure I’m not going to let go of Godwin because of her but I need a smooth transition so no one gets hurt along the way. Am I asking for too much from my daughter?

–Mama Claris

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