I was with Ato for almost six years. The entire time we were together, we didn’t have any major problems. Sure, there were petty fights here and there but they were nothing to lose sleep over. We easily resolved them and moved on. I had peace of mind. I had the freedom to be myself. What I mean is, he wasn’t one of those overbearing boyfriends.
My problem with him was money. He had never given money. If I was broke and needed financial assistance, he wouldn’t help me out. Not even with a penny. Money aside, he never made time for me. When I asked to see him he would tell me, “Babe, I am working on a project. When I finish I will see you.” This was always his excuse when it came to us spending quality time together.
Another thing that also bothered me was my concern that he may not want to marry me. After six years together, this guy still wasn’t ready for marriage. The last conversation we had about it I was the one who asked him, “Ato, when do you intend to settle down?” He answered, “When I am ready I will know.” As time passed, he kept giving me excuses, all of which were centered around the fact that he had just gotten a job so he hadn’t saved enough for marriage. When I tried to push him further, he said I was pressuring him so I stopped.
He was a great guy but I began to lose interest in him when I realised the relationship wouldn’t lead to marriage like I had hoped. Just around that time, I met Ebo. Just like Ato, he too was a good man. The only difference between them was that Ebo was a provider. This man would give anything to make sure I was happy and comfortable.
I am not the kind of woman who delights in spending a man’s money so sometimes I rejected Ebo’s money and gifts. When this happened he would say, “I am your man. It’s my job to take care of your of your every need.” My response was always, “I can pretty much afford anything I want, so you don’t have to spend on me till you’re married to me. Let’s just be grateful that God has blessed me with a good job.” Whenever I said this, he would laugh and call me “big woman”.
Looking into the future, I felt happy with Ebo. He ticked all my boxes. He was exactly the kind of man I wanted. I thought about becoming his wife and it filled me with joy. It also helped matters that we were on the same page. About a year into our relationship, he asked to meet my parents so we could perform the knocking rites.
It was at this point that I started noticing certain things I had overlooked over the months we were together. I asked myself, “We’ve dated for only one year. So why rush into marriage?” I didn’t want to marry Ebo just because he was available to marry me. I wanted to be sure that he was someone who would make me happy. That was when everything became clear to me.
I realized then that Ebo was the kind of man who liked to dictate how I should live my life. I used my salary to buy new clothes just to please him. Yet he still found a way to complain about my clothes. He wanted me to dress a certain way, wear my hair the way he wanted it, eat or stop eating certain foods, and choose times I could use my phone and when I could not.
I always saw my body as that of a model, at least that’s what everyone tells me. I am that pretty. I never disliked anything about the way I look until Ebo told me, “Look at you. You have to hit the gym.” Another time he said, “Your face is not nice.” How did I overlook all these things in the beginning? What did I see in him that made me believe he is a good man?
Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past?
I noticed how he would ignore me for days when he was angry with me. I became worried about the future I would have with him. It no longer filled me with joy, it filled me with dread. I thought about my relationship with Ato and how peaceful it was. He did not give me money or anything but I had peace of mind. I was not afraid to be myself.
This taught me that we cannot get all we want in one person. I chose my sanity over marriage to Ebo. So I am back on the market. I don’t know if Ato wants me back but he gave me peace of mind. Once in a while, he calls to check up on me and tell me he has not given up on us. Should I go back to him? I can take care of myself so the fact that he is not a provider won’t worry me anymore. Please, I need your advice.
—Mirabel
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At the end of the day it’s your final decision to make. It’s either you go back to Ato or you will like to start all over again with a different person. Sometimes no everything is money, but sometimes money count. But he also hadn’t try for not at least support you. He suppose to give you something for yourself as well, but he doesn’t. You have to talk to him if only you wanna be with him. But you should only tell him when you are back with him. And it should take awhile before you tell him. I hope my advice help.
Mirabel, how old are you?
If you think Ato is going to love and respect you like before, then you’re deceiving yourself
You yourself you’re confused, full of yourself and don’t know what you want.
Its only a matter of time you will realize you’ve messed up your own life with the way you think about yourself.
You’re a total disaster waiting to explode
Mirabel just like most people are saying you need to take a step back and probably open yourself up to meet new people. I am also available and on the market if you care to know
Sometimes what you need to take a step back and really evaluate what you need in a man. At this time you need to take a step back from dating and really pray for God to send the right man your way. You will not have a man but you will have peace of mind and time to grow as a person so that when the right person comes you will be ready just dont rush simply beacuse you want to be with someone