We have been together for quite some time now. He didn’t introduce me to his friends and family when we first started dating, but I didn’t think much of it. I figured the relationship was new. “Maybe with time, he will tell his people about us and introduce me to them,” I thought. While I waited for this to happen, I was comfortable telling the people in my life about him.

Along the line in our relationship, we hit a rough patch. All our attempts to resolve it only got worse. It looked as if this misunderstanding we were facing would end our relationship. However, we were not ready to let go of the love we shared so we held on. We had faith that someday we would rekindle our love and find a way to make things work between us again.

I believe our strong faith in each other had to do with the fact that we met in church. We are Christians so we are by default, a people of faith. While I was praying and committing my relationship to God, I got the opportunity to leave the country to further my education. Before I left, my boyfriend finally introduced me to one of his friends.

It was this friend of his who helped us to work out our differences and resolve all the little things we had been fighting about that we couldn’t let go of on our own. I was happy when peace and joy were restored in the relationship once again. And I also liked that I finally got to know somebody in his life.

It seemed his friend was also happy that he met me. He couldn’t keep it to himself that Kofi had a girlfriend. So he went about telling people about our relationship. I didn’t even know that was what he was doing, considering that I was not in the country.

It appeared that everywhere Kofi went, people asked him about me. This made him so angry. He sent me a message that read, “Can you believe that almost everyone in my life knows about you? Meanwhile, you are not in the country. I don’t understand why Yaw is going about spreading my business.” I asked him, “What’s wrong if he is telling people you have a girlfriend? It’s not as if you are a teenage boy who will be scolded for falling in love. Besides, is our relationship a deep dark secret we are hiding from the world?” This further angered him.

He boldly told me that he didn’t want people to know about us because they were not meant to know such details about his personal life. “Those people are not important enough to me to know whether or not I have a girlfriend.” I was surprised he would say that but that was not the worst of it.

He added, “As for me, anytime someone in our neighborhood asks if I have a girlfriend, I tell them no.” I asked him why he felt the need to lie and hide our relationship. And he said it was none of their business. He is acting as if there is nothing wrong with his secrecy. But I am not okay with it. All of this is bothering me.

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One thing I know is that if a man loves a woman, he wants to show her off. He is always looking for opportunities to talk about her and introduce her to the people in his life. He won’t get angry when his friends talk to other people about the woman he loves. If anything, it will make him happy. That’s why my boyfriend’s behavior is filling me with doubts and questions.

We Met At El-Classico Match | Rich & Derby

I also know that there are people who just like to keep their relationship private because they believe people ruin good things. But what’s the difference between keeping a relationship private and keeping it a secret? Is Kofi protecting what we have from people who might destroy what we share with too much talk, or he is telling people he is single so that he can get the chance to do other things or people on the side?

Long-distance relationships are hard enough already. Now here I am miles away from him, with questions and uncertainties in my mind. How can I fall asleep with my eyes closed and my heart at peace when my boyfriend is out there claiming to be single? Is it normal for a man to tell people he is single just because he feels the people who are asking him the questions are not important enough to know the truth? Or is he living a double life? Please, I need your thoughts.

—Mary

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