In the ten years I have been dating Kelvin, he has been nothing but exceptional. In the early years of our relationship, I used to feel butterflies in my tummy whenever I was with him. Even the sound of his voice was enough to send shivers down my spine. I loved him with my entire being. I didn’t have eyes for any other man. He was enough for me.

When you’ve been with someone for that long, you know them inside out. You can tell they are hungry by the sound of their voice. And you can tell they are happy by a look they get in their eyes. That’s how well I know my man. I trust him too. I can stick my out and say that he has never cheated on me. He is the same guy I fell in love with. Nothing has changed when it comes to the way he treats me.

He is not someone who stays on his phone entertaining women. I have never gone to his place and seen signs that there was anyone else in his life either. I visit him whenever I want. I don’t even call him. I just show up when I want to see him. Every time I go over there, he cooks for me and makes me feel at home. I can stay with him for as long as I want. For all the time we’ve been together, it has always been like this.

Just as we have our happy moments, we have our hard times too. Currently, we are going through financial hardships. My man lost his job during the Covid-19 era. He hasn’t been able to stand on his feet financially after that. I am the one supporting him. I don’t mind helping him at all. I know he is a good man. He would have also done the same thing if I was the one in his shoes. So I don’t have any fears that he will abandon me if things turn around for him.

Right now, he is not the problem in our relationship, I am. It all started a few months ago. I was having financial problems while supporting my boyfriend. The pressure was too much. But I didn’t want to talk about it with him and hurt his feelings. So I decided to put myself out there to see if I would get a man I could be getting money from.

I ended up meeting a guy on Facebook. I didn’t intend to fall in love with him but it happened. This is someone who doesn’t even have money. He is hungrier than I am. So I even end up helping him sometimes. I hate that I put myself in this messy situation. All he does is lie to me. He is also a chronic cheat.

I have tried to break things off with him but I always end up going back. I know this relationship is bad for me. I know he is not worth losing my boyfriend over. I know that if Kelvin finds out about him, it will break him. Trust me, I know better. But this Facebook guy consumes my thoughts. He has come to rule over my heart.

Because of him, my love for Kelvin has dwindled. I have tried to reawaken the feelings but nothing is working. The only person I am in love with is this opportunist. The guy doesn’t add anything to my life so why can’t I just let him go?

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Kelvin trusts me so much so it breaks my heart that I am cheating on him. Especially, with someone who doesn’t give me the care and attention he gives me. I feel like I have been shackled to him. Or maybe I have been bewitched. It is the only way I can explain my behaviour. How is it normal that I have a good man who is loud about his love for me, yet I am sitting here suffering and yearning for the love of a man who has done nothing but disregard me and my feelings?

I Haven’t Done It With A Married Woman Before | Story Board

I need help to break away from this toxic relationship and find a way to love my man again. Before you judge me harshly, know that I am already disappointed in myself. I am throwing away ten years of history because of someone I have only known for a few months. I have already beat myself up over and over for this. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel shame. And I don’t want to keep going on like this.

I need tips, counsel, prayer points, or anything I can do to keep me away from this toxic guy. I have been asking God to show mercy on Kelvin so he would get something to do and improve his finances. Maybe, just maybe, when he starts doing well and I am no longer supporting him, the love I no longer feel for him will return. He has already been through a lot so I don’t want to be another problem he has to face.

—April

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