She was in school when we met. She was in her final year when she said yes to my proposal. I was working in a bank close to her school. She came to the bank to do a transaction and we met. She was bubbly, always wanted to have fun. I didn’t have too much time to match her needs but I tried. She understood me when I couldn’t be there. We talked about it. She said, “Don’t worry. I understand.”

When she became my girlfriend, there was nothing I wasn’t willing to give her. She only had to name it. She was in an environment where many men wanted a piece of her. I didn’t want her to fall for the temptation so I did my best for her. Even the things she didn’t need, I provided so someone wouldn’t tempt her with them.

She wanted to do her national service with a bank. She asked if I could help. I wasn’t in a position to help. The bank I was working with had its own recruiting policies. They recruited from the top and I had no connection at the top. I was honest. I told her I couldn’t help so she should find someone who could help. “If the person asks for money, come and tell me. I’ll settle him or her so she can place you where you want.”

That was the end of the conversation. She didn’t mention it again until her service placement came and she was placed in a bank. I asked how she did it. She answered, “I got lucky. The universe conspired to put me where I needed to be.” I was happy for her but she was happier.

Things started changing when she started her service. She didn’t have time for me. When I complained, she told me it was because of her work. It was time for me to understand her. I didn’t complain. I made use of the little time available to us. We went to the movies. We went to the pool on weekends. We visited her parents whenever time would allow us.

The bank I was working with started restructuring. Some workers were made casuals and were pushed to an agency. My job was affected. I didn’t want to join the agency so I resigned. But before that, I spoke to people who gave me assurances. I also had a master plan. To start something with the compensation that would be given to me.

One year after leaving my job, a lot has gone wrong. Those who gave me assurances turned their backs on me or gave me excuses. It was expected so I hurriedly implemented my plan B. I underestimated the resources I needed to start that project so somewhere in the middle, I got stuck. A lot of my money went into it but more was needed so I pulled the breaks. As I write this, I’ve not been able to make a penny out of my investment. A lot of money was wasted with nothing to look up to so I turned to my girlfriend for help.

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I’m not asking her to fund my life or invest in my project. All I’m asking for is a little help here and there. Something small to buy something when the need arises. She’s no longer doing national service. She was retained after national service and is doing very well in life. I’m not asking her to give me what she can’t afford to give. I’m asking her for the little things yet this girl thinks I’m asking for too much. She would tell me, “Francis, look for something to do so you can earn the money to fund your project. I can’t always be the one you run to.”

The truth is, I run to her when hope is zero. Sometimes it becomes very hard to feed or even transport myself from A to B. Those are the moments I fall on her but she would complain and tell me what to do as if I didn’t know what to do with my life. These days I suffer before I get her on the phone. She gives me excuses even when I’m not asking for help. I go to her house and she asks me why I didn’t tell her before coming. I remember when things were good, I helped her pay rent for the place she’s currently living. I’m not asking for too much, the little things I think I deserve from a woman I’m in love with.

So the last time I brought it into our conversation. I asked why she was avoiding me. I asked the reason for the incessant excuses. I told her to straighten up so we could pull through together. “I’m very close to a breakthrough. I can feel it but I need you to be there. I’ll get to my best very soon, you’ll see. But before that, I need you to be there. I need you to help me out. Once I’m back on my feet again, I’ll repay.”

She looked at me from hair to toe and without mincing words said, “I’m not your mother. You can’t give motherly duties to a girlfriend. I’m only trying but you keep adding to my problems. This is not girlfriend duties. Most wives can’t stand what you’re asking of me but you want me to do everything for you. I can only try but you can’t make demands. I’ll give when I can.”

What’s wrong if I ask my girlfriend to help? I would do it if she was the one in my shoes. I did it when she was a student. I’m not asking for the world. Just a piece of it and this girl is giving me attitude.

I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done for her. She deserved it. A girlfriend deserves whatever she gets when things are good. I’m only shocked by her reactions towards my needs. As I said, I’m very close to a breakthrough. I’m not feeble, I will work my way out of this hole and I know when I do, I still will want to be with her, that’s why it hurts the way she’s treating me.

I Haven’t Done It With A Married Woman Before | Story Board

Am I asking for too much? Is it true I’m giving wifey duties to a mere girlfriend? The women here, you won’t help your guys if they found themselves in my situation? Or a man shouldn’t need help because he’s the natural provider? I ponder over these questions and it gives me a headache. Maybe I’m being a crybaby but I believe a woman like her should be able to help a man like me because she has it and she knows once I make it, it’s her I’m going to be with.

—Addo

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