August 29th, 2021 was my junior sister’s birthday. We had a small party in the house during the day and later in the evening decided to go out and chill. I had a plan for us but unbeknownst to me, my sister had her own plans. She told me to follow her to a friend’s house where the party would continue. I dressed up, picked an Uber with her and her two other friends and we headed to this location my sister mentioned.

When we finally got there, a lady came to receive us. When we sat down, my sister had a call and left us there. While on the call, a lady walked out of the room in front of us wearing a broad smile. I looked at her very well. I knew her but I didn’t believe she was the one I was seeing; “Or she’s a lookalike? I looked at my sister’s friends and they were smiling back at her. I asked them, “Is she who I think she is?”

The lady responded, “Who else has this face apart from me?”

By this time my sister had returned from where she went to receive the call. She joined in to scream, “Surprised!! I was like, “Wait, are you two friends? How? When did that happen? No, I can’t believe it.”

I won’t delve deep into this person’s personality because she’s a popular musician everyone knows. Let’s call her Alicia, like Alicia Keys just that this one isn’t actually called Alicia. She was all smiles and bubbly around us. She was enjoying the surprise moment while I kept asking myself questions. My sister’s friends were all over her taking pictures and doing Snap. I sat there looking at her, wondering how the hell my sister came to be friends with such a famous person.

Alicia came to sit next to me when she realized I’d been left alone. She said, “Ask any question. It looks like your mind is not here.” I had no question. Maybe I was star-struck or I was simply awed to be in her presence. She was the first famous person I’d come very close to.

The night went on with all the fun it deserved. They played loud music and danced. I was sitting there watching and serving myself food and drinks. I was the only guy among them so it was hard for me to get along. Alicia saw it and tried her best to get me involved with what was going on. She would pick me up and ask me to dance. She played her songs and asked me to sing along for a prize. Anything to get me involved.

Three days after the visit, I had a call from a strange number. When I picked up, it was Alicia. I didn’t believe she was the one calling. She didn’t take my number and I never thought she would ever care about me so much to even bother. She said, “Alicia here.” I asked, “Alicia, you mean the musician?” She answered, “I mean your friend Alicia.” I didn’t know what to say again. I went mute trying to figure out what was happening. She said, “I would like to see you again. When will you be free?”

That’s how we started. By the time I told my sister I was dating Alicia, we had been dating for over five months. She wasn’t surprised when I told her. I asked, “You already knew?” She answered, “Who introduced you to her? You think I didn’t know? I’m quiet because I know where this is going. It usually doesn’t end well so don’t put all your heart into it.”

I called her jealous and a doomsayer. “We just started and it’s going well so why are you trying to fart on something this new?” She is my sister and she felt I needed to know what I didn’t know. I was in love. You can’t advise a man in love until he sees what he wants to see.

It wasn’t easy for me to see Alicia as often as I wanted to see her. When I wanted to see her, she gave me excuses. She had a show to attend. She had rehearsals to go to and industry people to meet. We could go for a month without seeing each other but she called. She called every morning asking about me and pleading with me not to be a bad boy. “I will have time for us, you’ll see. Just be there for me, I beg you.”

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The times that we spent together were magic. She put off her phones so she wouldn’t be distracted. She would sing and we would dance. She would tell me, “This one is new. I’m yet to record it. What do you think about that?” I saw nothing wrong when it came to Alicia. Everything she did was perfect and I was there to say yes to her.

A year later, I grew a lot of confidence in the relationship. I was no longer star-struck. I saw her beyond the music so I could stand up to her. We had our fights. She won some and I won a lot of them. She would tell me, “You can’t tell me what to do.” And I would respond, “We are in this together so I can tell you what would benefit both of us.”

One year later, she was still going around saying she was single. I was with her team on that interview. She could see me while talking to the TV host. When she was asked about her relationship status she answered, “Oh I’m single but I’m not searching.” She then looked my way and winked. The guys in her team also turned to look at me. I tried to remain indifferent but I was hurting on the inside.

That wasn’t the last. In every interview she attended, she said on air that she was single. When I complained she told me, “It’s an industry thing. You don’t lay all your cards on the table. Plus, I deal with people who shouldn’t know I’m attached or I will lose some deals.” When I was with her and her team, she didn’t act like we were dating. I was worried but I had to deal with it.

One day I saw her kissing a guy. This guy knew about us. I was not too far from them but she didn’t care. I remembered what my sister told me, “It usually doesn’t end well so don’t put all your heart into it.” I didn’t confront her, but I told myself, “I have to do something for myself before it’s too late.”

She came to explain the kiss. I didn’t bother. I told her to do whatever pleased her.

Two years in a relationship and we have broken up about four times. Each time when we break up, we find our way back into each other’s arms. I know she loves me but the people around her and the fame won’t let her simmer down and look at the love we have. It’s only when I leave that she comes back looking for me. Two years in a relationship and no one knows about me. I’m in the shadows while she struts in the limelight with her music and fame.

So months ago I found a girl I could call my own. A girl without music and fame, Esther.

Esther treats me like I’m the king. She makes me remember how it feels like to be in a normal relationship. To be loved by someone who is for you and not for the people. I was in her house when her elder brother visited. She told him, “This is the guy. The one I told you I’m dating.” His brother looked at me and said, “Oh good. Bro, I’m watching you.”

It felt different. It’s like I’m in a place I’m wanted. I’m on top of the hill and anyone who cares to lift their head will see me. I don’t want to hide again. I want this new love than the one Alicia gives but somehow, I’m not able to pull away from Alicia. She won’t allow it. Immediately she senses detachment from my end, she would pull closer and closer, making me feel I’m the only thing she ever wanted. Once I get back to normal, she goes away to her music and leaves me making careless whispers in the dark.

Currently, that’s my confusion. If everything was well between me and Alicia, I wouldn’t need Esther. I need Esther more than I need Alicia because she’s the one who keeps me grounded. She’s the one who makes me feel I’m in a relationship built to last. I want to cut Alicia off and concentrate on this but Alicia won’t let me. She knows my weakness and she makes it work to her advantage. As I write this, Alicia is out of town but she calls every morning and evening. She would text me crazy things and show me more than my eyes deserve to see but once she’s in town, I’m a shadow.

Where do I go from here?

I Haven’t Done It With A Married Woman Before | Story Board

I have to leave Alicia, I know. I have to build this new thing with Esther, I know that. So why is it so difficult for me to do what I already know? Can it be easier? Is there a push button somewhere that I should know about? Why is it so easy for the head to know what to do but difficult for the heart to let go? I need help. No, I need a push. No, I need a knock on the head. The kind of knock that resets human brains. It’s hard in here where the head and the heart are in a conflict. It’s easy to follow your heart but it’s the head who is always right.

—Dennis

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