I pitied him. I thought he was too good a man to go through such a tragedy. I saw him wandering over the edges of his emotions so I decided to save him—to extend a helping hand and say, “Come over here. It’s safe.”

I didn’t do married men but he was different with a story that broke my heart. I decided to go against my own rules and give him what he was missing.

His name was Bernard. We met at the hospital. He was bringing his wife for a routine checkup. His wife was in a wheelchair. He was the one pushing it. Something of his fell and I picked them up for him. He said thank you. Looking at the woman in the wheel, I thought she was his mother.  She looked old and frail.

We met again when he was going to the pharmacy. He looked at me and said thank you again. I took his folder, went inside and pleaded with the guy in there to serve him quickly. When he was leaving, I didn’t see him. The next time he came around, I saw him again. I helped him and later exchanged contacts. That was when the whole thing started.

His wife had been in that situation for about two years and they had married for only three years. He told me, “Her family has abandoned her. I’m the only family she has so I do my best for her.”

To be honest with you, I loved the way he loved his wife. That also contributed to my feelings towards him. I didn’t know men to be like that. I’d read about those who left for less. I’d seen those who abandoned their home just because their wife didn’t cook for them. Bernard didn’t do any of that. He stayed dedicated to the course of finding healing for his wife.

One evening he called me. He asked for a date and I asked, “Are you coming with your wife?” He laughed. “The woman who takes care of her in my absence is still around. She will take care of her while I’m gone.”

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It was a good night of laughter and deep conversations. We talked about his wife and the future. He was so sure she was going to get well. I told him I was praying for the best. Before the night ended, he told me he liked me but didn’t know how I was going to take it. I told him I liked him too and liked his dedication towards his wife.

He said what he was feeling was different from the normal. I understood him. I asked, “So what do you want me to do?” He got up and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I love you like that,” he said. I sat still like a statue not knowing what to tell him. Later when we were leaving, I told him I would give him a chance but he should promise me it wouldn’t change a thing between him and his wife. He promised without blinking and thanked me for being there.

We started a relationship that was more sexual than a normal relationship. I saw him only when he wanted sex. I was ready to provide that for him because it was the only thing that was lacking in his life. I didn’t take from him but I gave him when he asked for what I had. As much as possible, I didn’t want to take him away from his wife so when we met, we didn’t spend more than two hours together. “Go home. She might be waiting for you,” I would tell him.

This continued for over a year. One night I woke up from sleep and it felt like I’d had a dream about his wife. The dream wasn’t clear. I’d forgotten a chunk of it and was up trying to piece them together. His wife was telling me she knew what was going on. She wasn’t wearing an angry look when she said that. I also remember her telling me, “You can take him now that I’m not around. That’s all you want, I know.”

In the morning I called Bernard to ask how his wife was doing and also tell him about the dream. When he picked up the phone I heard someone crying from the background. Bernard was struggling to say hello. I asked what was going on and he said, “She died in her sleep last night. I’ve lost my wife.” He burst out crying. I lost everything in my head. I didn’t even know how to console him or mourn with him.

Weeks later, she was buried. I was with him through it all. He needed every support he could get and I was ready to provide that. When he needed financial assistance, I took a loan from the office and gave it to him. I didn’t ask when he was going to pay back. I didn’t even know if he would be able to pay back.

After the funeral, he went to his hometown and spent over a month there. He said he needed a break. I didn’t call him until he called. I didn’t text until he did. When he came back, he came to my place to visit. He asked, “What’s the way forward? Where do we go from here?”

I answered, “You have to answer those questions. It’s you who lost your way so you have to find it back.” He told me, “Traditionally, I have to mourn my wife for a year. After that, I would like to marry. I’m still a young man and the dream that led me to marry her is still valid and thriving. I need a family. I need kids. I need a home I can run to. I will need a woman again when this is all over. Would you be that woman for me? If not you, who else?”

I told him the dream I had the night before his wife died. He was shocked and asked why I didn’t tell him. I said, “It wasn’t a good time to say such things. I wasn’t going to talk about it until today.”

He was quiet for a while. After a long sigh, he said, “So she chose you for me. She knew you could take care of me. She might have sensed how much I loved you. But will you listen to her?” I answered, “I don’t think that was the case. If I wasn’t sleeping with you when she said that, it would have been different. She was hurt and I believe it was out of pain she told me what she told me.”

We both argued for several minutes. He felt it was a good thing, what his wife said to me in the dream. I felt it was a warning. I didn’t want to risk it. I told him I wouldn’t like to continue having an affair with him. He agreed but told me he would come back after a year.

A year later, he came up with an official proposal. I said no. He came to pay what he owed me. He used the opportunity to tell me all was well and he needed me in his life. I said no. He asked why and I answered, “Your wife is watching. She might strike me dead if I follow you.”

He laughed. “She’s dead and gone. There’s no strength in her wherever she is. If you doubt, we can seek spiritual backing from a man of God. All would be well trust me.”

Reason Why Women Don’t Propose To Men

I love him. I would marry him in a heartbeat but our past and the dream I had make it very difficult for me to say yes to him.

To cut him off my life completely, I’ve started working for a transfer. Once I get it, I will leave this town and leave the memory of us behind. He will never know where to find me. When that happens, I believe he will learn to move on with someone else while I also start everything afresh with someone new.

—Matilda

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