After reading Sherry’s story, I thought I should share mine with you. Her experience reminds me of my own. Hopefully, my story will inspire her and others who need it.
Just like her, I also fell in love with a photographer. It happened three years ago. My roommate and a group of people had organized a cleanup exercise. I didn’t have anything to do on that day so I followed her to go and clean. That was the day I met Kwame. He was one of the photographers of the day. The moment we looked at each other, something shifted in the air. I felt goosebumps and there was a sweet tingling feeling in my toes. It was love at first sight, if you ask me. Within five days, we were dating. That’s how fast we fell for each other.
I didn’t realize it at first because, during the first few weeks of our relationship, I was writing my end-of-semester exams. I thought it was because of the exams that he was not calling me. However, even after the exams, he still wasn’t calling me. I was the one who always called and texted him. That was when I realized I might be dating myself.
I sat him down and asked, “Why don’t you call me? I am getting the impression that, if I don’t call you we won’t talk.” He explained, “This has nothing to do with you. It’s just who I am as a person. I don’t even call my parents or friends. Give me some time to work on it.” I tried to give him time to change but nothing was happening. So I decided to let him go. He didn’t fight to hold on to me. And that broke my heart.
I thought of him often. Apart from his inability to make phone calls, everything about him was right for me. He hadn’t even done anything to give me the impression that he had another woman in his life. My instincts also told me that I was the only one in his life. The more I thought of him, the more I missed him.
One day my emotions got the better of me, and I ended up calling him. During our conversation, I felt strongly that I wanted him back. So I asked him, “I want us to be together again. Is that something you are open to?” He said, “Of course. I still love you.” That’s how we started dating again for the second time.
This time around, he was making efforts to call but it wasn’t enough for me. He would go the entire day without calling me. When I confront him he would say, “Sorry I was editing pictures. I must have passed out when I finished.” There were times he told me he was working a gig. I tried to be understanding but he fed me excuses every day.
This triggered my insecurities. I couldn’t stop my mind from going to places. I kept wondering things like, “What if everything I know about him is wrong? What if another woman is getting all the attention he is not giving me?” My heart said we could trust him but I couldn’t get out of my head. So I broke up with him. By then we had known each other for a year.
You know how they say the third time is a charm right? Well, after the breakup, I started missing him again so I went back for the third time. I don’t know what changed but somehow we got so connected that when I’m in pain or distress, he feels it too. I also feel it when something is wrong with him.
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It took him two years to perfect the art of calling me all the time. Two years of constant arguments and anger over this. Two good years before he learned how to love me right. We are in our third year and all we talk about is getting married. Introductions to family members have been done already. If all things go as planned, we will begin the process next year. My elder sister is also getting married so we are waiting for her to finish hers so we do ours.
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
Dear Sherry, sometimes these issues need patience and understanding. If only you are sure he is not cheating on you then exercise patience with him. The only reason why I kept getting back together with my man was because I never saw anything that indicated that he was cheating on me. That was my drive to always get back together with him.
Lastly, note that my man was ready to learn how to love me right. It took him a lot of time to do it right but I could see that he was putting in efforts. If he hadn’t reciprocated my efforts, it would have been a different story altogether.
I wish you the very best. Don’t forget to listen to your heart at all times. Mine told me to stay and I did. So far, I haven’t regretted it.
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—Zee
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