We started as friends–friends who called each other and helped each other. He was married but I knew him before he got married. Our friendship started long ago before his marriage. At some point, he caught feelings for me and started making his feelings obvious for me to see. It wasn’t my intention to date a married man so I turned away, pretending I hadn’t seen what he was trying to show me.
He was subtle about it at first. When he realized I was not getting it, he came out of the woods. He was vocal about it this time. He said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me but for some time now, my feelings for you have changed. I want more than this. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
I said no and I meant it. But he pushed and pushed until I decided to give it a try. But before I accepted his proposal, I asked him, “What if someone comes along? You’re married but I’m not. Can I say yes to the person if I also love him?” His answer was, “I wish I could have you all to myself but I can’t be that selfish so yes, you can date someone but please let me know when the time comes.”
So for two years, I was faithful to him. He became everything I needed in a man so I saw no need to date someone else. He provided my physical needs and was there when I needed emotional support. If there was something I needed to buy and I told him about it, he would say, “Your wish is my command” and get it for me. He bought a lot of things for me and I followed him wherever he wanted me to follow.
Two years later, Joshua appeared from nowhere and made me fall in love with him. I see in Joshua what I never saw in any man ever since I started dating the married man. I wanted to hide the relationship from the married man but both of them were intense. They all wanted me at the same time so I had to play my cards very well. I decided to tell the married man about Joshua so he would lower his expectations of me going forward. It was part of the agreement from the onset so I thought it wouldn’t cause any problems.
I told him about Joshua. He asked questions and I answered. He asked, “So you love him more than you love me?” I answered, “I don’t have the tools to measure the depth of love so I can’t tell.” He concluded, “Then it means you love him more and that hurts.” I asked, “Between me and your wife, who do you love more?” He stuttered. He tried to lie but lies deserted him. I said, “It’s like that so let’s keep things as they are. Love is not a competition.”
I told him about Joshua but I don’t think so much has changed from my side. I still call. We text. When he needs me, I’m available. He travels with me when the need arises. I make time for him just as I did when there was no Joshua but he has changed. He has stopped being kind. He doesn’t provide it even when I ask him. He gives me excuses and sometimes tells me to take it from Joshua. I felt he wasn’t being fair so we had a conversation about it. He told me, “If I keep providing everything you need, what then becomes of Joshua? What’s his role in your life?”
He has stopped providing, yet expects provisions from me. I should give him time, sex and support yet when I ask something from him, he tells me, “We are two now so I can’t be the one to always provide. Go to Joshua. Let him be a man.”
I decided enough was enough. I called him on the phone and told him it was over. “There’s Joshua and you know it. It’s the reason you won’t do anything for me. That’s OK. I choose Joshua going forward. If he was the only one I had, I would know how to manage. Goodbye and enjoy your marriage.”
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He got angry and started screaming, “After everything I’ve done for you? You’ll leave me because of that boy? No that won’t happen. I won’t understand.”
We exchanged words. I wasn’t angry at first but he made me angry. He went too far, enumerating every single thing he had ever done for me as if he owned my life. I told him my mind and ended the call. He called but I didn’t pick up.
Now, he wants to take everything he has ever bought for me, saying, “I can’t work for someone to enjoy. He should also buy for you what you need. He can’t enjoy mine.”
He wants the fridge back. The small washing machine he bought, he wants it back. The rice cooker, the toaster, the TV he won as the best employee and gave it to me, he wants it back. The phone I’m typing on, the curtains, the doormat, my life. He wants everything back.
I called off his bluff and told him in plain words that if he wants all that then he should also return the sex and the time I wasted with him. He thinks that’s immaterial and insists on getting his things back. He came to my place to cause a scene. That was when I realized he was serious about it.
I told him, “If you try anything funny, your wife will know everything. I have screenshots. I’ve recorded this fight. I will show her videos. Your marriage will fall on its knees if you dare me. I will give you a showdown!”
I thought that would scare him. Right there he mentioned his wife’s contact to me and screamed, “That’s her number. Call her. Do you think I’m scared? Or you think bringing my wife into this will make me coil and run for cover? You got it wrong. Call her and let me call Joshua and also take my things away.”
I shivered. My only weapon is not ‘weaponing‘. My stronghold has fallen flat while he keeps coming at me to take what belongs to him.
I’m tired of the drama. Every new day is a new drama from this man. I never knew he could be this petty. I have some tough guys who live around. I’ve narrated the story to them and they are willing to come to my rescue. When he comes around and tries to take the things with force, I’ll call these guys as a support system.
But I still think I can use his wife in a way. He should be scared of losing his marriage but the way he behaved when I mentioned his wife, it sounded like he didn’t care at all. Or he’s bluffing. He did that just to mellow me?
To open your mouth to say I love you, Is kind of weird
Honestly, I don’t want things to get to that level. He should leave me alone and I’ll also leave his life without a trace. But if he pushes me to the ground, I’ll get up and destroy his marriage too. Is it a good idea? I have something to lose so he should also lose something. Is it wrong for me to target his marriage? Considering what he’s taking me through?
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My dear targeting his marriage is the most evil deed a woman will do to her fellow woman all in the name of curtains ,phone etc. After doing all this he will still come for his things. Ask your self if someone were to destroy your marriage in the name of collecting everything will you be happy? Please think of the little children. If you want to have peace and have a fresh start somethings must go for some better things to come. You see the effects of relying on a man especially a married one at that for everything. When he sees that you have found some one he will take all that they have given you. My dear return his goods . You can start from scratch. You returning his things will break every hold he has on you and also it will allow you to concentrate on your boyfriend without making excuses. Life is a lesson. You knew he was married but went a head to date him. Eei Obaa are you sure u are a good woman. All I see is that you are materialistic. They way in which you get your things will be the same way they will last. If you bought all those items yourself anka papa no ntumi di nsemhunu wei but see where it has landed you. The greatest achievements is to earn things your self through hard work despite being it little or big that alone is your super power that no man can ever take from you. Don’t allow bitterness and anger cloud your mind. For if you do, the same will be done to you. Kama is a bitch.
Hi Maameafua,
I’ve been following you for a while now, and I fancy how opinionated and non-judgmental you are, when it comes to showing your stance on people issues.
Keep it up!
Maameafua, I love your response. God bless you. I’ve been tempted many times because the truth is, it’s not easy. I’m a divorcee with 2 kids whose father has decided to punish me by shirking his responsibilities to them. I have to do everything on my own and that’s where the temptation is. Married men have promised to help me care for them if I agree to date them but I’ve rejected all of them, on the grounds that I wouldn’t want to be the source of suffering for a fellow woman. I believe if I did, her cry to God will cancel out all my prayer requests and I can’t have that. So I’m firm. But this story and your response has given me another sound reason why I should not do that.
God bless you dear.
My sister, you’re asking the wrong questions. I think you should have a quiet time and analyse what you have done with your life. If you get married someday and your husband cheats on you, I’m sure you’ll be happy right? You’re not even remorseful for your actions and you still want to destroy someone else’s marriage.
Mind you, his wife can forgive him and continue with their marriage and what would you gain from that? Both of you are in the wrong for entering into a relationship but since there’s life, it’s not too late to make a U turn.
My sister, please give your life to Christ and stop going after material things. They won’t lead you anywhere better.
Sue him. Tell him if he wants everything he ever got you then he should pay for all the sex he had. Convert everything to cash and let’s see how it goes. Tell your bf the truth, you were in need before he came into the picture and you want to opt out now that you have found someone but he wouldn’t let you be. Be prepared for a breakup or make up cos one will happen. Don’t forget his wife will never leave him, you are wasting your time in that area. In conclusion, repent
Lol…pay for sex paaaa.I am only asking.Though,I don’t side the man and his nuisance.
Since you decided to live your entire life on a man not just a man but a married man, this is what comes out of it. Come on, do you think as a lady your are only worth sex? Really?
You can break his marriage with this do called evidence of yours. The lady that will break yours is waiting for you patiently.
My lady, please go find job and stop depending on a man to survive. Allow this shameless married man to pick those things and have your peace. Only God knows where he will be sending them to.
Focuse on your new guy but depend on him for your survival just because you’ve given him sex. Don’t forget if you allow Joshua get to know of this your abominable responsibility with the married man and the shameful scene you are creating, he could leave you in peace.
Learn to be an independent lady and you will be accorded with the necessary respect by men. Work for yourself and feed yourself. Stop exchanging your body for tv, blender, dormant, curtains etc. You are worth much more than that.
Be a real Independent lady!!!!
I don’t know who gave some women this impression that when they have sex with a man the man own them. Sex is an exchange of pleasure. If you think a man should pay you for all the sex you had with him, don’t you think he can also demand payment for all the exertion and hard work sleeping with you. We had sex. You enjoyed, I enjoyed but am indebted to you but you are not. So stupid!
Bro,I 100% side with you.That is the faulty thinking with some young women these days.Some see sex as a transactional commodity to gain material wealth.
Instead, of a pleasurable activity to be enjoyed by the two parties.
It’s so pathetic!
All these people are not giving you the right responses. A married man who never told you from the start he wants to add you to his wife as number 2 wife has no right to keep wasting your time while he has his family (wife and children) as social security for the future. You deserve to also settle down finally inspire of your mistakes dating a married man. Talk to your boyfriend about your past relationship but insist the relationship went quiet for sometime now and he came along to sweep you off your feet. Let you boyfriend know how his coming into your life has made you want to even be a better person, thus when the married man surfaced again to take Joshau,’s food and you refused, he’ll broke loose. If your boyfriend is willing to forgive you, great news. If not couht your losses and move on from both of them. As for the married man, give him a full showdown with the area boys. Let them teach him a lesson. All the time you spent with him on his trips, how much did he pay for them? Does his company not pay him per diem for his travel? When he engaged you on those travels which usually came at the last minute for you, what equivalent per diem did he pay you? They ate the stuff in your room and life now. Give him a full showdown, that is the new working term in GH.
My sister, the married man is been unreasonable. Did he pay you per diem for all the trips you took with him. Give him a full showdown with his wife and let the area boys rough him up a little. Or he thinks your time is worthless?