I was with Musa for eight years. He was my entire world. I, on the other hand, was a continent in his world. I am assigning myself a big chunk like a continent because what we had was deep and meaningful. He cared about me. I knew that. However, he didn’t love me enough to stick with only me. He had other girls on the side. Lots of them. He is handsome so the women naturally flock to him like bees to flowers.

Musa didn’t have much but he knew how to make me feel loved and desired. That’s why I stayed with him regardless of his cheating habits. Besides, I asked myself; “If I leave him, I will have to meet someone new and start all over with the person. What if that person happens to be a cheat too? Do I keep moving from one man to the other? It’s better if I stay with him like that.” Another reason I stayed is because of the love I had for him. I loved him so much that I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

However, it got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. So I had to finally walk away. Honestly, it took me two years to completely let go of the relationship. During this period, he proposed that I marry him. Although I loved him, I thought about the fact that I would have to convert to Islam for a man who would never be faithful to me for the rest of our lives together. And I turned him down.

It’s been three years now since the breakup. I am trying to move on and find love again but my heart has become cynical. Whenever a man tries to get my attention, I get worried that they would also string me along for many years while cheating on me with multiple women.

For instance, I met a guy on Instagram about a month ago. He went to like almost all my pictures and videos so I reciprocated the gesture. Two days later, he jumped into my DM and made a jovial remark, “Wo y3 copy copy.” This means, “You copied me.” That was what got my attention.

We engaged in conversations for a few days before he requested my number. Our chats became more frequent on WhatsApp Messenger. We had WhatsApp calls too, because he wasn’t in the country. He said he was on a business trip in one of the African countries.

He has a great sense of humour. That’s one thing that has me interested in getting to know more about him. He also sounds very mature when we talk. So I like him.

He came down to Ghana recently. And he visited me twice. On our first meeting, he confessed; “I know we just started talking a few weeks ago but I am in love with you. Will you be my girlfriend?” Yes, it was too soon but I agreed to give him a chance. When we talk, he goes into detail about his plans for the future. It involves marriage. I am in my thirties so he must think I am eager to get married.

I am not so desperate that I wouldn’t apply logic to the situation. Now, here is something I have noticed about him. He hangs up my calls when I call him and he is already on another call. After he is done with his call he won’t call me back. I am the one who has to call him again. All of this only started when he came to Ghana. Before that, he always answered my calls or returned them promptly.

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I also noticed that when he arrived in Ghana he stayed in Accra for two weeks before he moved to Kumasi. During his stay, he never invited me to his place. I asked to visit him and he said, “It’s my grandfather’s place. So I don’t want to bring a woman there for him to think I am a bad boy.” I had concerns but I didn’t complain. Rather, I invited him to my place so he would know where to find me. He even met my younger sister. Meanwhile, I haven’t met any member of his family. Not even his friends.

I know it’s too early to expect a certain level of commitment but his words don’t match his actions. Currently, I have stopped calling him. I haven’t picked up his calls for the past two days either. This is because he ignored my calls for an entire day. And when he called me back in the evening, he didn’t even offer any apologies or explanations for his silence. I experienced all of this in the eight years I dated Musa, so I don’t want to take chances with this guy too.

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My intuition is telling me he either has a wife somewhere or he is busy juggling women like the way Musa did. I want to let him go but we have an incredible connection. When he is present, we flow so easily. Sometimes it feels as if we have known each other for years. I am wondering if I am making a mistake.

Maybe I am so quick to write him off because I am judging him through the lens of my past experiences. Or maybe I am on to something. It could be that I am seeing the red flags now, and walking away could save me from future hurt. I have been thinking and overthinking this whole thing. Kindly let me know if I am right to be concerned, or if it’s just my cynical heart getting in the way of something good.

 

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—Shirley

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