I was in a relationship with Kwame, when I met Elvis. Elvis also had a girlfriend at that time. However, there was an instant connection between us. The kind that made us question our love for our partners. When it came to Kwame, I didn’t have to dig too deep to find problems. He barely gave me attention. Anyone who saw us together could tell that he didn’t care about me. I only stayed because I wasn’t ready to be single yet.

Unlike my relationship, Elvis’ was almost perfect. He had a girlfriend he adored so much. The lady also loved him. They had been together for two years but they behaved as if their love was new. Despite his dedication to his relationship, Elvis was able to give me the attention Kwame didn’t give me.

I enjoyed receiving his attention, just as much as he enjoyed giving it. Before we both knew what was happening, we were in love. “What are we going to do about these feelings?” I asked Elvis. “We have to break some hearts if we want to be together. My girlfriend hasn’t done anything to me but I have fallen out of love with her. You are the one who makes me want to give up the world and just be happy. So I choose you. If you want to be with me, then choose me too.”

Of course, I chose him. But I was also a little sad that I had to snatch another woman’s happiness to be happy. This innocent woman who never offended me or Elvis got her heartbroken because his heart was with me and no longer with her. However, our love was so intense that I soon forgot about my sadness and enjoyed my relationship. Our love grew more intense than anything I have ever felt.

Soon enough, our relationship is a year and a half old. Our love has grown stronger and more intense. We were doing well until one fateful evening when Elvis found out that I didn’t break up with Kwame. He asked me, “Are you cheating on me with the guy who didn’t care about you when we first met?” This is something I thought he would never find out so I was too shocked to give him an answer.

He went ahead and got Kwame’s number. I don’t know the details of what they talked about but he got all the answers he was looking for. The next day he invited me over, and I went armed with lies to cover my tracks. Little did I know that I was walking into an ambush.

The moment I entered his room he bombarded me with a lot of questions. The pain and anger in his eyes were enough to fill me with so much fear that I couldn’t speak. My silence, in this case, did not bode well for me. This guy choked me, slapped me, and tore off my necklace. He even wanted to break my glasses. I don’t know how I made it home with all my limbs attached to my body.

When I got home, I cried my eyes out. The first thing I look out for in a partner is the guarantee that he is not abusive. Elvis didn’t show any signs of abuse until later in the relationship when he got verbally abusive. Every little misunderstanding that happened, he would insult me until I cried. At first, I thought that was the worst he would do. So I stayed. And now I know that he is physically abusive too.

I should leave him, I know. I want to. But I am not able to. After the whole thing happened, he came to apologise. I love him so much that I embraced him as if nothing had happened. I have never loved anyone like this in my entire life.

If only he would stop insulting me, we would be absolutely happy. I have talked to him about it but he says, “Do the right thing and we won’t have problems. If you don’t and you do something to hurt me, I will also insult you.” Anytime I recall some of these insults, I develop a serious migraine. Sometimes I feel my head would explode or that I would go mad. There was a time he told me, “My ex is a better woman than you.”

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Although we are not good for each other, we can’t let each other go. I torture him emotionally, just as he tortures me too. A part of me wants to walk away but I am convinced that he is the only man who has ever loved me genuinely. What if I don’t find someone who can love me or tolerate me the way he does?

After he found out about Kwame, he doesn’t trust me anymore. He dictates who I should talk to and who I shouldn’t. Even when I am laughing with my best friend who is a lady, he gets jealous and angry. When I tell him to tone it down he would respond, “Have you forgotten that you lied to me and cheated on me for a whole year?” He says he will never let go of what I did, yet he won’t let me go either.

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I try to do what he wants to keep the peace, but now he wants access to my phone. He wants to go through it anytime any day. I have nothing to hide but what happened to privacy? My migraines keep getting worse because of all the stress and pressure this relationship is causing me. My boyfriend knows this yet he won’t give me peace.

Currently, we are having problems so we’ve not spoken to each other for over a week. I’m doing so well physically. No stress. No migraines. I am a picture of perfect health. However, I am a wreck emotionally. This gives me a preview of the pain I will feel if we break up. It looks like I have to sacrifice my physical health if I want to continue this relationship. Is it worth it? His abusive nature aside, he is the best partner I have ever had. What do I do?

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—Maame 

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