If I tell Jeff that I want to get married today, he will hurriedly do what needs to be done to make it happen. That’s how eager he is to marry me. He is a decent man so I also want to marry him. However, due to past experiences, I am taking my time. I want to be absolutely sure that he is the one for me before I dive into something as deep as marriage.
Jeff and I are Ghanaians who live abroad in hopes of creating better opportunities for ourselves. I have been here longer than he has, so I have all the right documents to work with. He, on the other hand, doesn’t. He is able to work with what he has but we all know he will earn more if all his documents are intact. If I marry him, I can help him with that.
This is why I am being careful. I don’t want it to be that he is marrying me because of papers. It has been done to me before. That one wasn’t even marriage. The man asked me to help his sister join us. He was so sincere that I believed him completely. It was after I helped the woman join us that I discovered that she was not his sister. She is his wife. When someone you love and trust, exploits you like this, you become wary of everyone.
It took a long time for me to entertain the notion of love again. And though I have fallen in love again, I am not doing it blindly. My eyes are as sharp as a cat’s in the dark. I believe that is what is creating problems for me and Jeff right now.
When we started dating he told me, “I have three children and a baby mama back home. I am no longer together with the woman but I provide for her and my children. I promise that this will not get in the way of our relationship.” Everyone has a past. So why should I fault a man for having kids long before he met me? I didn’t mind at all that he is a father. I also tried not to concern myself with how much money he sends to them. All that mattered to me was that he took good care of me as well.
However, as our relationship went on, he complained that his baby mama was draining him financially. She asked for money to do everything. From school fees to utility bills, he paid for it. At a point, I even suggested, “Try and help her gain some financial independence so she would stop depending on you for everything.” He said he would look into it. So I left it there.
The other day he came to tell me, “I have decided to help the mother of my children travel to the USA. That way she will get better opportunities and our children will go live with her when she is settled. What do you think?” “It is a good idea,” I encouraged him. She is the mother of his children so if he can help her do better in life, why not? Besides, if she is doing well for herself she won’t be so dependent on him. I was also happy that the children would benefit from this opportunity.
So imagine my reaction when Jeff told me, “I am glad you believe what I want to do for her is good. The fact that you agree with me means you will help me make it happen.” “What?” That’s all I could say. Instead of him to stop right there he went on to say, “I am not financially sound enough to make it happen, but you are. You can sponsor her to move from the US without my help, even.” It felt like a déjà vu.
The only way this situation is different from my past is that we don’t live in the USA. So Jeff’s baby mama won’t be anywhere near us. But still, what he asked me to do didn’t sound right. I asked him, “If I have money like you nicely put it, then wouldn’t I use it to support my relatives? Don’t you think I have siblings and cousins who want to travel abroad too? Please, do whatever you want to do for your ex but don’t involve me in it.”
How We Met And Later Got Married | Quincy & Abigail
This issue has caused more arguments and quarrels between us than we have ever experienced in our two years together. He calls me selfish. He says I’m an unsupportive girlfriend. The only question I continue to ask him is, “So if I ask you to open your wallet and use your money to support my ex-boyfriend to travel abroad, will you do it?” He is not able to give me an answer. First of all, I will never ask him to do that because I know it’s an unreasonable request. That’s what he is failing to understand.
We have been fighting over this for months now and I am tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. Especially a fight that has to do with my own money. So I decided to seek your counsel. Tell me, am I as selfish as he says I am? If I can afford to sponsor someone’s travel abroad, shouldn’t it be a relative of mine instead of my boyfriend’s baby mama? Who among us is right? Is it me or is it him?
—Paula
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#SB
My dear Paula, the guy is not into you as he claims. Who in his right senses tell his girlfriend to do this, he is opportunistic open your eyes. Leave this relationship as fast as you can
Asem ooo,very interesting
You shouldn’t even have written this
Please I am begging walk away boldly with you shoulders sooo high
This is absolutely……I reserve my comment
Aaah,some people tooo ooo
I am sooo angry reading this story
You are going to sponsor someone wife’s travel followed by broken heart
The red flags are clear and u still asking questions? And you already know the answers 🥺 your ex sent him or probably he sees you as a fool . My sister walk out fast. Put that mentality away that maybe u won’t meet anyone that will love you or you love, you get paa . Please use your brain not your heart 👂🏼NOTE: he will definitely move to USA to live with his wife and children (a mother of his 3 children ? she is not his baby mama , )
So he has 3 kids with his baby mama? Redflag. She is probably his wife.
He pays all her bills. Redflag. He is her husband.
You can hire a Private Investigator to get you all the information you need, if you are still interested in him. Otherwise, move on.
He is really stupid guy.. foolish guy
Nonsense like that. You’re not being selfish and I like your question to him. Please forget him and keep going
My sister!! I’m begging you in the name of God, don’t be STUPID AND FOOLISH for the second time. You said you’ve been fooled by your ex in the same way so why are you even entertaining this nonentity man again? Why? don’t you sleep on a pillow? Please I beg, advice yourself. You also have your family. Even if you don’t have your own children, please help your parents and siblings. Ignore that selfish IDIOT.
You’re righ, biko. Use that funds to help a sibling travel abroad so he/she can help you in taking care of your parents and other stuff.
Edward, I love the last part of your comment.
A woman who is the mother of his kids? Eeei!! Help her travel to the US and watch him run away to join her. You have been a fool once. Don’t be a fool twice…….help your siblings instead. At least they can help you when things turn bad for you. I’m an African man but rather than see our women being fooled by fellow African men dieer anka marry the natives of the country you live in. It’s better that way.
Selfish man, opportunist. Don’t be fooled again, He has seen your weakness and naivety. He just wants to use your to enrich his family and insult you on top. Wise up and drop him like coconut from its tree.