At the time I met Nene, I had just gotten dumped by Kofi. I was too broken to entertain the thought of another relationship. This is why when Nene asked me to be his girlfriend I told him, “I am not ready to deal with the stress of a relationship. So let’s just be friends for now and see where things will lead.” When he agreed I added, “You should know I am not ready to have shuperu with you even if we start dating at some point.” He assured me, “Don’t worry about any of it. I am just happy to have you in my life.”

Nene is a typical extrovert. The kind that carries laughter in his wallet and gives everyone he encounters a piece of it. People like him are quite dangerous if you ask me. First, they make you laugh. While you are busy laughing, they steal your heart. Boredom cannot coexist with them. They just know how to spice things up. That’s why I didn’t see it happening until I found myself completely in love with him. It felt like I had been bewitched.

I was so blinded by his love that all my reservations flew out the window. We started doing everything that I said we wouldn’t do. By that I mean shuperu. Our relationship was going smoothly when he told me one day, “So I haven’t been completely honest with you. I had a girlfriend before I proposed to you. We were having problems that I thought we wouldn’t work out but now everything has been resolved. All I could say was, “What?”

He said the girl was willing to make the relationship work but he loved me so I shouldn’t leave him. Once again, I had my heart broken by a man I had come to love with every cell in my body. I tried to move on but I wasn’t strong. Every time he came to me, I would open my doors to him. I couldn’t even tell what we were anymore.

Whatever we had going on continued until I got pregnant. His reaction to the news was disheartening. He kept telling me, “I am not ready to be a father. Do you really want to keep it?” My answer always remained the same, “I am keeping it. Prepare and come and introduce yourself to my family as the man responsible for the pregnancy.” This guy kept dragging his feet until I resorted to begging him.

He said he didn’t have money to travel to my hometown. It was important to me that my family met him so I gave him the money. When we got there he disrespected me in front of my parents. They asked if his parents knew about the pregnancy and he said, “No, they don’t. I sent my girlfriend home to meet them just recently. It won’t be right to go and tell them I have gotten another woman pregnant.” The drama continued throughout the pregnancy. I experienced different levels of hell at his hands.

He only contacted me when he felt like it. As for money, I couldn’t count on him to support me in that regard. I went through everything alone until the baby arrived. After delivery, he didn’t change. To add salt to injury, his other lady would call me and insult me miserably. He too would call and tell me heartbreaking things. I was already overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a new mum so I didn’t have the energy to fight them. I just endured all of their abuse in silence.

At a point, I had to tell him out of pain that the child was not his, just so they would stop bothering me. He realized then how badly he was behaving and apologized. He talked about how much he wants to be a part of our daughter’s life. “You should be visiting me so that I can spend time with her. I will also visit when I get the chance,” he proposed. I felt he was coming around so I decided to give him the opportunity to make things right.

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Recently, I informed him that we would be visiting him, and would stay for about a week or two. He told me, “You can’t come and stay that long. I wouldn’t want to cause problems with my other woman.” So I got angry and didn’t go. When he called too, I refused to pick up. He persisted until I eventually answered. The first thing he said was, “I am not happy when you keep a distance from me. I need to know at all times that you and the baby are doing okay.” I took that as an apology and let go of everything.

Just this past weekend, I paid him a surprise visit with the baby. He didn’t even attempt to hide his displeasure at the sight of us. He kept asking me to leave till I got fed up and left. He said he had plans and I came to spoil his plans. I feel he did that because of the other lady. One moment, he says he wants to be part of our lives. And the next moment, he is sacking us.

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I couldn’t deal with the inconsistencies anymore so I changed my numbers and blocked him on WhatsApp. I don’t feel like talking to him again though we have a child who is barely a year old. He says he loves his daughter and would like to know what’s going on with her. But she can’t talk so I am the one who has to keep him in the loop. That’s something I can’t do right now.

I’ve been through too much and I need time to heal and get myself back. I believe I can only do that when I cut him off. I would like to know if the decision I have taken is the best. I know someone might suggest that we sit and talk things over. I have done that on several occasions but it didn’t help. That’s why I have taken this drastic measure.

—Nunana

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