When The Time Is Right, A Husband Can Come From Anywhere, Even Through Betting

I didn’t fall in love until I was twenty-four. Well, I did fall in love often but I didn’t give myself the chance to experience it until I was twenty-four. At twenty-four, I was in my third year at the university and I’d been the best student from first year. I didn’t have time for men or relationships until one day, I guy walked up to me at the library and said “Hello, can I have the book on your desk?”

His name was Joshua. He was doing his master’s program then. He had come to the library to look for the same book I was using and because I couldn’t give him the book, he sat next to me and scanned through it while I was busy using another book. Occasionally, he would whisper a question and I will answer. He whispered, “I’m doing a reach on this same topic, can you help me do it? I will pay if you decide to charge me.”

I went out with him to discuss the details. I gave him my number and he gave me his complimentary card. He was a banker. We developed a research relationship at first and later fell in love. I didn’t see it coming but according to him, he knew we were going to be lovers right from hello. I loved his intelligence and he looked like a man you’ll take home and your parents would go like, “Oh my daughter, you came home with the right one. I’m so proud of you.”

But that relationship lasted for only a year. Joshua wanted to marry me while I was in school. I said no. I wanted to complete school first. He was thirty-five. The age gap was triggering but he was a good man so I looked past the gap. I told him, “Can you give me at least three years? In three years I will be out of school and working. I will be more mature than I am today to handle marriage better. Apart from that, the two of us will know each other very well. What do you think?”

He was in a hurry and apart from that, he wanted sex as proof of my love and loyalty. Without it, he couldn’t believe that I loved him so much. He said, “Give me something to hold on to. Something that will assure me that in three years if I wait, you’ll marry me?”

He was talking about my virginity. I wasn’t ready so I said no and slowly the ship sunk. I don’t know what was pushing him to marry so desperately. Later in the years, he found someone who was also ready and by the time I knew it, he was a married man.

It hurt me deeply. He was the first man I’d ever given my heart to. The first man I ever kissed. The first man I ever spent a night with. I was hoping he would be my first and last, alas, I met him too early. I met him when I wasn’t ready. If I met him three years later, maybe we would have ended up together.

Love and marriage are like an opportunity that comes knocking on our doors. When it comes too early, it meets us unprepared and as such we lose it. That’s precisely what happened to me and Joshua.

I completed school and had a job that took me out of my parents’ house. It was liberating knowing I was out and free, like a bird out of the cage. But then, a bird in a cage is safer. No one throws stones at the bird in the cage but out there in the freedom of the vast skies, anything at all could happen so I was careful.

Fiifi came my way. Truth be told, I was the one who went his way. I had a crush on him and decided to stick around and see what happens. “Maybe he would love me too, who knows?”

I pushed myself in his way so he would notice me. When he did, we became friends. A few months after our friendship, I was so sure about him that I wanted more. I went out on several dates with him trying to get him to propose to me but he was reluctant. He looked very interested in me but each time I felt the proposal was coming through the pipeline, something would choke it.

I visited his house one weekend. I cooked with him next to me. He played music and we sang along. I would stir the stew and he would chop the vegetables. He knew his way around cooking and it made me fall deeper in love. While we sang and cooked I felt our hearts were connected and as such the proposal was going to come at any point in time.

I was on the sofa when he came to lie on me. He was looking into my eyes. I said in my head, “Go on. Say what’s in your heart. This is the perfect moment.” Again, something lifted him off me and he went to sit quietly on the sofa next to me. I said, “What is the matter with you? Is there something you are not telling me?”

He answered, “I love you so much but…”

“But what? Why should there even be a ‘but’ in the first place? If you love someone like you are saying, there shouldn’t be a ‘but.’ But what?”

“But, I have a girlfriend.”

It felt like I’d been emersed in a pool of cold water. I was freezing actually.

“You have a girlfriend? Since when? Where is she?”

“She’s not in the country. Yes, I agree that I’ve emotionally cheated on her with you but that’s because I love you. I wish I met you earlier.”

That should have been the end of us but because I loved him before he loved me, I felt there was something I could do to sway him to my side. His girl was outside the country. I was with him every day so I had the ace.

I didn’t leave until one day we came close to having sex. We went very far but he was struggling to go in. I was so in love with him I wanted to give my virginity to him. He asked me, “You haven’t done it before?” I started crying. I don’t know what made me. Maybe I felt I was acting desperate or something about the question made me embarrassed. I nodded while in tears. He stopped trying. He got off me and said, “I feel like I’m hurting you. Don’t let us do that.”

From there he acted distant. I got the message that he didn’t want us to continue because he didn’t want any of us hurting. That also meant there was no way he was going to leave his girlfriend for me.

READ ALSO: One Week After His Proposal, He Broke Up With Me

Love and marriage are like an opportunity that comes knocking on our door. When it comes too early, it will meet us unprepared and we’ll lose it. Sometimes, we can meet the people we love too late—too late when we already have someone or when they already have someone rocking their world. In that situation, we have to grow sense and move on. If we stick around for too long, we miss the next opportunity in love.

After Fiifi, I coiled in for a year. I had to find myself first before looking out for someone else. While I was in there trying to stay out of a relationship, love found me again in my room. In my room because I didn’t go out there to be found. I was always inside watching TV, reading from online and chatting in Whatsapp groups. I even learned about soccer betting because I was too bored.

I made a comment about betting in a Facebook group and  Richard contacted me afterwards asking for odds. I laughed at him. I said, “I don’t know that much ooo. What I said was what I learnt from a friend a few days ago.” He said, “Ok give me some predictions. Women usually have luck when they predict.”

I’ve forgotten the game but I remember saying Madrid was going to win two nil and it happened. The sad thing was, he didn’t stake it.

We talked often and decided to meet one day. We met in a restaurant and I was like, “Oh ok. He doesn’t look bad. Let’s see how it goes.”

We spent half of our meeting time looking at our phones and the other half trying not to say anything to each other. When we left, “I said in my head, “Boring. I pray I never meet him again.”

When I got home, Richard called and spoke to me for over two hours on the phone. We laughed, we teased each other, we talked about the date and asked what went wrong.

We met again and this time it was better. Immediately when we sat down, he said, “Phones down.” I put mine in my bag and he put his on the table. We talked and ate and went deeper into ourselves to talk about everything. We washed ourselves inside out and didn’t even notice when the time was flying us by.

One day he told me, “Obviously I’m in love with you but I don’t know about you. Do you have someone?”

I answered, “If I had someone, do you think we could spend all these times together? I hate you for thinking I had someone.”

Of course, it was funny so we laughed. When I gave him the chance, he proved every day that he could be the man for me—an opportunity for love that has arrived at the right time.

I took him home first. When I did, he also took me home. It became a challenge for us to do something first so we could earn the bragging right. “I’m the first to take you home,” I said. He answered, “I’m also the first to fly with you in a plane.” I said, “I’m also the first to give you an odd that was right.”

He was the first to say, “Let’s get married.” I was the first to sign the marriage certificate. August 5th was our second anniversary and God blessed us with a girl not too long ago.

Why Men Don’t Say “I Love You” To Each Other

Finding the right man or woman is hard. Apart from love, a lot of things have to align in our favour. That aside, we should be there at the right time to be able to win.

Sometimes you meet them too early and sometimes they come too late. No matter how much you love each other, when the timing is wrong, love would be wrong too. Maybe, that’s what it means when they say “God’s time is the best.” It’s not too early and it’s not too late. At the right time, you meet the right person and your hearts would be right for each other.

—Nancy O.A

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