Why Do Men Run From Good Girls?

After I completed my national service, my boyfriend dumped me. This was a guy I had dated for six years. I had invested so much in the relationship. I had hopes that I would get a job after national service, and we would get married. I just didn’t expect that after all those years together, he would wake up one day and decide that he didn’t want me anymore. I was completely shattered.

The break-up affected me mentally. It was so bad that I felt I was losing my mind. Food tasted like sand in my mouth. As for sleep, it had no business with me. I would lay in bed at night thinking about everything we shared and the future we planned that was no longer going to happen. I would cry until I could no longer breathe.

I lost a lot of weight. People who knew me started asking questions. “Princess, are you not well? You don’t look good at all.” “Princess, have you lost someone?” “Princess, you’ve lost your shine. What’s the problem?” Everywhere I passed, my name was on people’s lips. They meant well, yes. They were concerned for my well-being. This prompted me to sit up and work on getting better.

One morning I looked in the mirror and said to my reflection, “It’s no use crying over spilt milk. The boy who broke my heart is living his life without a thought about me. So why should I waste away crying because of him? I will get better.” That’s how I took my mental health into my own hands. I went to therapy. I had to go for fourteen weeks before I started to make progress. After that, I made a conscious effort to keep moving toward getting better.

After I recovered, I made a vow to God that I wouldn’t get intimate with any man again until I get married. It’s been almost three years and I have managed to keep that vow. To be fair, a lot has happened in this period that made me more determined to keep myself chaste. That’s actually why I am sharing my story today.

A year after my break up, I felt better and ready to love again. So my friend introduced me to a male friend of his who was also looking for love. We hit it off quite easily. We spoke almost every day. He asked me about my past, and I didn’t hold anything back from him. He also told me everything about his past. I felt we were heading somewhere. But at some point, I realized we were actually at a standstill. Everything seemed to be going well but this guy had not asked me to be his girlfriend.

What’s the hold-up? I wondered, as I thought about all the times he said he liked me. I waited for months but he never proposed. So one day I gathered all the courage in the world and asked him, “You always tell me you like me. And you know I like you so why haven’t you proposed to me yet?” He was silent for a minute before he finally said, “Yes, I like you very much. But you deserve someone better than me.” I was confused, “What does that even mean?” He answered, “You are a good girl. Too good, actually. See, I am a bad boy. I might end up ruining you. So let’s just be friends.” I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed. However, I was grateful that he told me the truth. So we continued to be friends.

I prayed fervently and asked God to bring me a man he knows will be good for me. By some twisted hand of faith, the only people who came my way and expressed interest in me were married men and lesbians. I promised myself that I would never date a married man so I turned all of them down. As for the lesbians, I didn’t even pay them any attention. I just felt sad that the only people who wanted to be with me were the ones I couldn’t be with.

Along the line, the boy who broke my heart came back into my life. He wanted another chance but I refused. That’s how I am. I never go back to my exes, especially someone who caused me to almost lose my mind. No. I turned him away as easily as he dumped me.

READ ALSO: I Only Accepted Her Proposal Because I Didn’t Want To Hurt Her Feelings

After that encounter with my ex, I met another guy I connected with on a very deep level. It was really nice to talk to him. I honestly felt he was the one. But my hopes were dashed when he told me one day, “Princess, I really like you but you are too good for me. I am not saying I am a bad boy. I am just saying I am not good enough for you.” I didn’t protest. I accepted his decision to remain friends and focused on my relationship with God.

Why Men Don’t Say “I Love You” To Each Other

I don’t miss prayer meetings or church services. I am not doing this only because I want a husband but because I want to be strong in the Christian faith. However, I still feel sad and disappointed that all the men I see as love interests keep telling me I am too good for them. What does that even mean? How can someone be so good that they don’t deserve love? Six men have said this to me already. “Princess, I like you and I would have been happy if we were together but you are too good for me.” This is basically what they say.

I am currently twenty-eight years old. This means I am not getting any younger. My biological clock is ticking. Besides, I have been single for almost three years. I miss hearing a man tell me, “I love you.” Yes, I pray all the time. But sometimes loneliness hits me in ways prayers cannot take away. I am not so desperate that I will settle for someone outside the will of God. I just want to understand what it means when a man tells me I am too good. Does it mean good girls don’t deserve to be loved? Please, someone should answer this question for me.

—Princess 

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