What They Don’t Tell You About Dating Your Best Friend

If there’s one thing I have looked for my entire life, it’s the love of a man. Right from childhood, I didn’t have this kind of love in my life because I didn’t grow up with my father. I don’t even know where he is till now. It is my mother who struggled to take care of me until I went to live with my uncle and his wife. They put me through school and became my new parents.

Living with them was not a bed of roses, but I was still thankful that they took me in. My uncle did not exactly exude fatherly love so I still didn’t have that love. By the time I completed Senior high school, I was seventeen. I got myself a job while I waited for my results. The results came but I didn’t pass all my papers. So I registered for Nov/Dec. I wrote the exams but I still couldn’t pass the ones I needed most to further my education.

My uncle and aunt were so disappointed in me that they said, “We have done our best to help you but it looks like you don’t want to be helped. How can you write your exams and continue to fail? From now on, you are on your own.” I hated that I had failed them, myself, my mum, and everyone else who was counting on me.

So I set out to rewrite the exams and do better this time around. I continued to work until I saved enough money to register for Nov/Dec again. This time around, I passed. I was so happy but my happiness was short-lived when I realized I wouldn’t get the help I needed to further my education. I had always wanted to enter any of the security services, except the Fire Service. But who to help me was a problem.

So I continued working as a mobile money vendor while I figured out what to do with my life. All this while, I had been in three failed relationships. I gave these men my all but it was never enough for them. The last one ended because I wasn’t ready to have shuperu with him. He said he was okay with my decision to wait, from the beginning of the relationship. But along the line, he started putting pressure on me to do it. When I refused, he went ahead and cheated on me.

I was so broken when I found out what he did. Thankfully, I had my best friend to fall on. He has been there for me through all my struggles and heartbreaks. He has seen men pretend to love me, and he has held me when I fell apart after they left. If anyone knows how much I want to find a love that lasts, it is Kwabena.

There were times when he told me, “Don’t mind those idiots who don’t see your worth. Some of us know how precious you are. And when the right man comes along, he will know it too.” This is how deeply he hypes me up.

A couple of months along the line, Kwabena came to tell me; “I know you’ve always wanted to join the security service. I also know you don’t want the Fire Service but I have gotten a slot to push someone in there. And I have decided it should be you.” At that time, I didn’t have any other options so I said, “It’s not a problem. I can do it.” He is not in any of the services but he was able to get me enlisted.

Right before I went for training, he confessed his feelings for me. “I have always been in love with you,” he said, “I know you have a lot on your mind so you don’t have to say anything right now. We can talk after you return from training.” Honestly, I didn’t think of him in a romantic way until he talked about his feelings. So I agreed to take some time to think about it.

I went for the training for three months. Upon my return, my sister and mother told me that Kwabena came to see them. “He said he proposed to you before you left and he is hoping to get an answer now that you are back. He wants us to know that he is not trying to be with you because he helped you. His feelings for you are real and true. So you should consider him,” my sister said. I was surprised he went to see my family. That made me see that he was serious about me.

My concern, however, is that I am not his type. I say this because, throughout our years of friendship, Kwabena had only dated thick women. By thick I mean, fleshy women with big breasts and big butts. I am the exact opposite. I am very slim with perky breasts and a small butt. The kind you can describe as petite. So I felt if I agreed to be with him, he wouldn’t be with his spec. I didn’t want to risk getting cheated on again.

When I expressed this concern to my sister she looked at me as if I was crazy. “What are you talking about? Kwabena has always been in love with you? Everybody can see it except you.” She wasn’t entirely wrong about that part. People constantly asked us if we were dating. Some even insisted we were secretly together. So maybe they all saw something I couldn’t see.

I had a conversation with Kwabena and asked him to give me more time to decide. I had just returned from training so I wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship yet.

We continued to enjoy each other’s company as friends for a few more months before I felt settled enough to accept his proposal. I even allowed myself to fall in love with him before I finally said yes. They tell us the best relationships are built on the foundation of friendship. And Kwabena is my best friend so you can imagine how happy I hoped we would be. This is someone who already knows me. He picked me up when I was down and he has been my biggest cheerleader. I was also all of these things for him.

Exactly one month into our relationship, I found messages on his phone to other women. He was telling them that he is single. When I saw the thing I was so shocked. Did he not get the memo that we are in a relationship? I became so moody and withdrawn. He asked what was going on and I told him, “I am scared something would go wrong between us.” He looked so innocent as he said, “Do you think I will break your heart? I will never do that to you. By now you should know that.” I screamed in my head, “Eii! Men! Men! Men!” but I pretended to believe him. My only consolation is that I didn’t sleep with him.

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It’s been a month since I made the discovery, and I am still broken by it. I continue to monitor his phone and his conversations with these girls. He maintains that he is single when they ask about his girlfriend. He tells them how much he would love them if he got the chance. He tells them things he would do to them if they allowed him to touch them. He is a good actor, I will give him that.

If I hadn’t seen those messages, I wouldn’t have suspected a thing. I would have blindly believed that I have the best boyfriend. Even after everything I have seen, I am still struggling to believe he would do that. The only reason I didn’t walk away immediately is because I wanted to gradually detach myself from him until I fall completely out of love with him. That way I wouldn’t get hurt when I walk away. But I can’t take it anymore.

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I get so angry when he acts all lovey-dovey with me, only to go and pretend to other girls that I don’t exist. So I will no longer wait to fall out of love with him before I walk away. I will leave now so he can have the freedom to be single. I don’t hate him for trying to play me. If anything, I am grateful to him for helping me get a job in this hard economy. So I will walk away quietly.

If he tries to hold on to me by involving my family, I will know he is just acting. So I won’t mind him. My only regret is that we dated. Because when I leave, we can’t be friends anymore. People talk about the beautiful things that happen when you date your best friend. But they don’t talk about the risk of losing your friend when things go south. This is what I am here to tell you today. That best friends break hearts too. But it’s alright. I will take my time and heal. And I pray that when the time comes for me to love again, it will be a love that stays.

—Baby

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