He Has Chosen His Mistress Over Me Because I Bring Him Bad Luck

I met Kojo when I was twenty years old. I was a restaurant waitress while he was unemployed. I didn’t earn much but I supported him with the little I had. Sometimes when you love someone, mountains become molehills. That’s how we faced our financial challenges together. Once in a while, he would get an odd job and bring in some cash. But I was the one who had a steady income.

Along the line, I got pregnant. Things were difficult but we decided to have the baby. I continued to work to keep us afloat until I delivered. I had some complications so I was referred to the Korlebu teaching hospital to receive my antenatal care, and that’s where I had the baby. Amidst all my health challenges, I continued to work after the baby was born.

After a while Kojo told me, “I am the head of this family. So I should be the one to provide for all our needs. It shouldn’t be you. Seeing as things are not working well for me in Accra. I want us to move to Sefwi and start life over there.” I figured if travelling to another region would help improve our finances, then why not? So we moved our lives to Sefwi.

It wasn’t easy to find our feet there in the beginning, but we made it work. After several trials and errors, we started a food business. It went very well. People bought from us, and our finances improved a great deal. My husband was the one who ran the business, while I took care of the cooking aspect of it.

As time went on, the business grew to a point where we established another branch. Just when we started that branch, I got pregnant with our second child. I suffered the same complications I had with the first pregnancy with the second one as well. So I had to relocate to Accra to get antenatal care at Korlebu and also deliver there.

I was in Accra for eight months. When I finally had the baby and returned to Sefwi, things were not the same. Our business was doing incredibly well but Kojo had completely changed. He would hide to make phone calls. And every time we were together, he would be on his phone texting. I complained, but nothing changed.

I looked into it and discovered that he had another woman. When I confronted him he apologized. He said he did it because I was away and he was lonely. I was very heartbroken but he showed genuine remorse. It was the first time something like that had happened so I decided to forgive him.

After that incident, there were a couple of events that made me suspect that he was still cheating but I had no proof. So I convinced myself, “I am probably feeling this way because he cheated once. I am sure it’s nothing.” We were in a good place so I focused on that. When our secondborn turned four, we got married. I thought marriage would protect me somehow but that wasn’t the case.

It was after we got married that he changed completely. He barely paid me attention. He became very complacent. It was as if he didn’t care that he could lose me. I started having suspicions again that he was involved with other women, but once again I didn’t see anything concrete to confirm this haunch.

With all the problems we faced, money was never a part of them. The only thing that bothered me was the environment we were raising our kids in. The external influences there were bad. And it worried me that our kids would grow up and copy the deviant behaviours around. So I suggested that we move to Accra and find a good neighbourhood with a good school for the children.

He said, “I will stay behind and run the business so I can support you while you are in Accra. And try and visit as often as possible so I don’t get too lonely.” It was a good arrangement, I thought.

I moved to Accra with the kids, enrolled them in good schools, and even got a job. My husband also honoured his end of the bargain and sent us money regularly. The kids and I visited him anytime we got the chance.

This arrangement worked perfectly until he called me one day and said he had been arrested so I should come and bail him out. I panicked, “How? What did you do?” He just answered, “I will give you all the details when you get here.” My boss refused to give me permission to make the trip, but I went anyway. This is my marriage we are talking about, you know.

When I got there, I was disappointed to find that he wasn’t the one they arrested. It was one of our workers. Apparently, she got into a fight with someone over money and they locked her up. I was angry too. Because I dropped everything and travelled to Sefwi, thinking my husband was in trouble. Only to find out that he lied. I didn’t even understand why he made me show up because of his worker.

Our kids were in Accra so I went back. My boss fired me because of the way I left. I tried to get another job but it was difficult. So I moved back to Sefwi to help my husband with the business. When I got there I realized that one of our workers was hostile toward me. Her name is Abi, she is the one who got arrested. I started asking questions. That was when a few people told me she was having an affair with my husband. There were two of them. The other lady was also our worker. But it seemed Abi was his favourite.

I went to confront Abi and she slapped me. That day I didn’t spare her. I beat her till she ran to the police station. She tried to get me arrested with my husband’s support but the police dismissed them. After that, I looked into our finances and realized that we had no money in our savings account. Kojo had given the money to his girlfriends. I was livid. All our sweat and blood had amounted to nothing.

After I caught him he started cheating openly. He would take nude photos of his conquests and keep them on his phone. At that point, I started backing out of the marriage. Before I could completely leave him, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. It wasn’t easy for me at all. Abi insulted me miserably. She said I was a prostitute for getting pregnant with a man who didn’t love me. Just to be clear, the man in question is my husband, not hers.

Once again, I moved to Accra to get health care in Korlebu. The entire time I was here, this man didn’t even send me ten pesewas for child care. I had to sell second-hand clothes to take care of the pregnancy and the two children. By the time I delivered, the food business collapsed. Things were hard so I moved to my family’s home in Nkawkaw. My husband called me and apologized for everything he did. He was even crying. He said he didn’t know what came over him.

He claimed he had no money and nowhere to go so I should help him. I was selling clothes at Nkawkaw so I took him in. That was my biggest mistake.

Could you believe that this man brought Abi along with him? He rented a place for her in the next town. This is a man who said he had nothing. It was our son who saw Abi and told me what was going on.

I reported the issue to our pastor. I told them I didn’t want him anymore but they advised that I stay and make it work. Just around that time, Kojo got a job in Qatar and travelled. After he got there, he started posting photos of a little boy on Facebook. The child looks exactly like my children. So I asked him, “Is that your son?” He boldly told me, “Yes, Abi has a child for me.” I was so shocked.

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As I am writing this, he has completely abandoned me and our three children. He doesn’t talk to us, let alone send us money. He has told our pastor that I am witch who brings him bad luck so he doesn’t want me anymore. He says Abi is his good luck charm.

Our firstborn has completed SHS. The second one is now in SHS. And the baby I had recently is currently four years old. I left Nkawkaw and I am back in Accra to hustle and take care of my children.

We Agreed To Be Friends With Benefit | Silent Beads

We haven’t had it easy. I don’t even have a place to stay so we are perching with someone. I have used all my savings and any money I made in the past to take care of my children. But I still need to make more money. I find it difficult to work for someone because of my youngest child. I don’t have anyone to take care of him in my absence. The best thing I can do to help myself is to start selling something.

That’s why I am here today. I am not necessarily asking for money. I am good at selling second-hand clothes so that’s what I want to do. If I could get someone here who would supply me with clothes to sell, I would owe them my life. Because at this point I am very tired. I am not old but my struggles have given me wrinkles and grey hair. I just need someone to extend a helping hand to me so I can start something. Whatever help I receive will help my family in ways I cannot express with words. Please if you can, help me out. 

—Ruth