One of the things I like about him is his kindness. He is not someone who is doing well financially. He is now struggling to find his feet. Yes, we all have jobs but he doesn’t earn as much as I do. He knows this but it doesn’t affect his desire to take care of me. He insists on sharing the little he has with me. This is the kind of attitude that shows me that no matter what life throws at us in the future I can count on him.

I speak of the future because that is what he has shown me. Every decision he makes about his life, he includes me. He discusses his ideas with me and we plan together. It’s really nice to be with someone who factors me into important matters of his life, you know.

He makes me feel very comfortable and at home. Everything about him screams, “This is someone I can get married to.” We have been together for nine months but we haven’t had any major issues until now. This is what happened. When we first started dating, he told me something in passing. He said, “Before I met you I dated someone. Things didn’t work out but she got pregnant. We both weren’t ready to be parents so we terminated the pregnancy. She is no longer in my life but this is something I think you should know.”

That was it. He didn’t say anything more about the subject. It was something that happened in his past so I didn’t push for more information. I was just happy that he trusted me enough to share that part of his past with me.

I noticed that his mood has been a little down for the past month now. He tells me almost everything but whatever was bothering him seemed to be too heavy for his mouth to speak. I am someone who believes in allowing things to play out, so I didn’t aggressively try to coax the information out of him. I just told him, “Whatever the problem is, I hope you know that I am here for you.” He was thankful for my support. And I think that helped him to talk.

He told me the problem had to do with the girl he impregnated in the past. He decided to go into details and share the full story with me. According to him, he and the girl dated and broke up. After that they lost touch. However, she reached out to him three months later asking to get back together with him. By then he was no longer in love with her so he asked her to move on. Through that, they started talking again but only as friends. After a while, they met in person and ended up having sex. They both agreed that it was a mistake that should never have happened. So they kept their distance after that incident.

About two months passed and he didn’t hear from her, only for her to come out of nowhere that she was pregnant with his child. He didn’t deny it but he wasn’t ready for fatherhood either. She also wasn’t ready for motherhood so they planned and got rid of it. After that, they went their separate ways. All these happened before I came into the picture. “But now she is back, and she is telling people that she got rid of a pregnancy for me and it resulted in complications. She said the babies were twins so it ruined her womb. My family has found out and they are asking me questions,” he concluded.

I asked him if the new developments were going to cause problems, and he said, “No, how can something that happened in the past create problems for me now? I won’t allow it.” Again, the matter ended there. Or so we thought.

Our relationship progressed smoothly after he finally told me about the other girl. We were doing well as before. Until another bombshell dropped yesterday. The girl’s mother went to speak to Kweku’s family. She told them; “Because of the blood that my daughter spilt on behalf of your son, her womb is now destroyed. The doctors said she can’t have babies anymore. It’s your son’s fault so he must marry her.” This is the message his parents gave him.

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He is disturbed. I asked him what he wants to do about it. He swears he doesn’t love her anymore so there’s no way he will marry her. I am the one he wants to marry, he is sure of it. “But what about the girl who is now barren because of the choices you both made? What are you going to do about her? What will you tell your families? How do you plan to come out of this without stepping on too many toes?” He answered me in three words, “I don’t know.” Everything I ask, he says he doesn’t know. The only thing he knows is that he will not marry her.

I love him but this whole thing looks messy. As he has said he doesn’t know what to do, when will he know what to do? His family has agreed that he has to marry the girl. So what if he is not able to convince them otherwise? Or what if he refuses to do as they want and they decide not to accept me? I have so many questions but the only answer he gives me is, “I don’t know.”

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I have spoken to two people about the issue, and they think it will be better if I leave him right now to avoid drama in the future. They are worried that he will end up marrying the girl and wasting my time. I understand them. I am also very concerned about all the uncertainties and the drama that is just unfolding. But the issue came up only yesterday. Shouldn’t I give him a little time to figure things out before I make a decision about our future? Or everyone is right but I am too blinded by love to see what’s going on?

This is why I am here today. I need all the advice I can get. What would you have done if you were in my shoes? Will you leave right now? Or you will wait for a while to see how things go?

—Yaa

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