When my first relationship ended I was pretty banged up. I couldn’t cope with the fact that someone who promised to love me unconditionally would fall out of love with me one day. After I picked up the broken pieces of my heart, I was determined to stay away from men. I didn’t use to shout, “Fear men,” but I was very much afraid of men. I didn’t want to risk giving my heart away for it to be broken again.

For eight years, I was single. One of my friends didn’t like that I was single. She always complained, “How come someone as beautiful as you has shut the door to love? Allow someone to love you.” I would tell her, “I want to be the best version of myself before I ask somebody’s son to love me. That way I won’t bleed onto an innocent person.” This was our back and forth until one day she said, “I have someone for you. He is a good guy. You will like him.”

“My ex was also a good guy but he left me broken. How do I know this one too won’t do the same?” I asked her. She smiled, “Don’t you trust me? Will I give you a bad thing?” My answer was no. So I silenced the voice of scepticism in my head and agreed to meet this guy.

When I finally met him I was still sceptical, but there was something about him that told me I could trust him. We talked and got to know each other. It was fun. I loved everything about him although we belong to different religions.

We know that this whole thing with religion can be problematic but we decided not to focus on that. We were rather determined to know more about each other and allow the future to take care of itself. “We will cross that bridge when we get there,” we both agreed.

This guy was amazing. He helped me with schoolwork and was there for me when I needed someone to talk to. If my head felt too heavy with uncertainties, his shoulder was the place I unburdened my mind. I leaned on him for strength when I felt low. And for courage when the woes of life threatened to drown me. He was everything to me.

The kind of love I felt with him, I have never felt with anyone. I remember thinking, “If this is love, then what did I experience all those times? This guy’s way of showing love and appreciation should be the universally accepted way of loving.” My dear readers, I was in mini paradise every time I was with him.

I woke up with his thoughts on my mind and went through my day thinking only of him. Before I sleep at night, I would have him on my mind. This is what it means to be in love, right? Yes. I loved him so deeply.

Just as he was always there for me, I was also there by his side whenever he needed me. I made it a habit to surprise him with gifts. I pampered him and spoiled him with lots of love and attention.

Unlike the popular opinion that men give and women receive, I am the type who believes that the man should not be the only one giver in a relationship. As his woman, I should give him things that communicate my love for him. And that’s what I did with him. I always told him, “What is mine is equally yours. Just because you are the man doesn’t mean I will burden you with my financial problems. If anything, I want to share your burden with you.”

This aside, I never for once took his love for granted. For the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy. I felt I had finally found my forever home. And I made sure he knew how much I appreciated having him in my life.

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Things were practically a fairytale kind of bliss until I realized a sudden change in his behaviour in February this year. He completely shut down and refused to engage in conversations with me. This is not something he had done before so I was sick with worry. I would call him repeatedly before he would pick up one call. “What’s going on with you?” I would ask. And he would respond, “Nothing. I am fine.” Clearly, nothing was fine but he wouldn’t talk.

To date, all my efforts to get him to open up is not working. I went to his brothers and spoke to them. “Please, talk to your brother for me. Ask him if I have done anything to offend him so that I can apologize. I am not happy that he is not talking to me.” They assured me that they would talk to him, and they did. However, nothing has changed. My man is still completely closed off from me. Currently, our communication is non-existent.

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My heart is breaking. Everything he is doing shows that he is no longer interested in the relationship, but he is unable to tell me. His brother thinks so too. He advised me, “It looks like you are the only one in the relationship now. I have taken you as my sister so your pain is making me miserable. If my brother won’t come around, then forget about him and move on. Don’t let him waste your time in this limbo.” He makes a lot of sense but how do I move on when there is still so much love in my heart for him?

I feel broken. I also feel disrespected that after everything we’ve shared, this is how he chose to end things. This is someone who has shown me that every problem can be resolved with effective communication. So why would he leave me hanging like this? I want to let him know that I deserve better than this ghosting behaviour. How do I approach this? How do I make him understand how much heartache he has caused me? Please, help me.

—Sweetie

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