First, there was Margaret. I met her through a friend. I fell so deeply in love with her that I moved from Kumasi to Accra so I could be near her. I was a student at the time but I was paying her school fees through the Ghana Institute of Languages. I didn’t want her to think that I was taking care of her for sex so there was no shuperu in the relationship.

I thought we were on the same page until I caught her sleeping with another man. It was her friend who tipped me off. I didn’t believe it at first until I saw it for myself. When I confronted her she said, “Babe, I am sorry. I did it because vj you don’t give it to me.” I was hurt but I felt responsible for her behavior. If only I had gotten intimate with her, she wouldn’t find a reason to cheat. So I started giving her shuperu. Plenty of it. But the relationship still didn’t work out.

After a few months, I met Afia who is a nurse. She was my senior in school. I was a mess when we met. I was smoking weed and drinking heavily. She took one look at me and said, “You are a good guy who is wasting away. But don’t worry, I will fix you.” She tried to change me but I was too attached to my “escape from reality” substances to give them up. So she also started smoking and drinking to make me feel bad. All through that time we were sleeping together, and I liked her very much.

I didn’t want her to keep smoking so I quit. She saw that I had completely stopped so she also quit. After that, she told me, “I am done with my assignment. I just wanted to make you a better person and now you are, so I am moving on. You too move on.” I was so surprised but not as surprised as I was when she sent me her wedding invite one month later.

She told me that she came clean to her boyfriend and he forgave her for cheating with me. I even spoke to the guy and apologized for what happened, even though I didn’t know that he was in the picture. He forgave me as well, and they went ahead and got married. They have two kids now.

After her, I met Yaa. Yaa is also a nurse. I fell in love with her the very moment I saw her. We were okay, I believed. When she is on night shifts, she would spend her daytime at my end and go to work at night. It was an arrangement that allowed us to spend a lot of time together. I liked it. I even got an opportunity to travel to Germany, and she told me not to go. She said she would be lonely. I didn’t want that to happen so I gave up the opportunity.

One day I was there when she introduced a guy to me as a family friend. Unbeknownst to me, the guy was her ex who was still sleeping with her. She would bring him to my apartment when I am away at work. So one of my co-tenants tipped me off. He called me when they were at it and I came home from work to find her moaning under her supposed family friend. That was the end of the relationship.

My next relationship was with Adjoa. She is a doctor who works in a big hospital in Accra. Although she was earning more than I did, I supported her financially. One day I was in a bind and I asked her for a loan. She told me she was broke. I didn’t mind until I found out she had gone to buy land that was worth GHC80,000. I was shocked that she couldn’t give me a loan of GHC2000 when I needed it. After all that, I still supported her. She would take money from me and use it to work on the land. I did it willingly thinking our relationship would work out. By and by, she built a house with her money and mine.

She furnished the house with some of my money too. All this while she pretended it was her mother’s house. But I already knew it was hers. Eventually, I confronted her about what she did. She told me, “Do you remember that time I asked you for money to pay for my rent? You said your sister got robbed in school so you gave her the money to buy a new laptop and other items to study for exams. This made me feel you will always choose your family over me. That’s why I kept you out of my property.” I was surprised she would hold something like this against me after all the times I put her needs above mine. Needless to say that the relationship fell apart after that conversation.

In January last year, I met Akosua at work and we started talking. It wasn’t a relationship, it was just friendship. Then she got the opportunity to travel abroad. We were so close so she proposed that we travel together as husband and wife. I didn’t want it to seem like I was taking advantage of her but she insisted. We were already emotionally attached, so I thought why not? We met each other’s families and a marriage date was set.

We got married even though we were not fully in love, but after we consummated the marriage, we started developing feelings for each other. Shortly after the wedding, she traveled. A week later, I joined her. I thought I was going to start my life in a new country with my new wife. I thought that I had finally found a woman I can call home. Love has finally found me, or so I thought. I didn’t know that I was in for a rude awakening.

After I settled in, my wife told me I was too soft for her. She said we were not compatible for marriage. She proposed an open marriage. “We are already great friends so let’s treat things as though we are friends with benefits. You can go out and have fun with whomever you want. If I meet someone I feel is the one, I will move on with that person.” I wasn’t comfortable with that arrangement but her mind was made up.

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So I confided in her friend. I hoped her friend would help me talk to her so she would reconsider her decision. However, I made things worse. She got upset that I involved her friend in our marital affairs. Prior to that, I had lied to her about something. So she combined it with my involvement of her friend in our marriage. And she said our marriage doesn’t stand a chance of working out. I was devastated that I ruined something that could have worked with my own mouth. If I hadn’t lied, and if I had kept what she wanted from the marriage between us, maybe I would have had a shot at winning her heart.

I have currently moved to another State but we are still married. She will grant me a divorce anytime one of us has found someone and is ready to settle down. She calls me and we talk as friends but there is no love or romance between us. We don’t meet to have shuperu either. Besides, we are very far from each other so I haven’t seen her in a really long time.

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Our marriage lasted barely three months. I wish I knew that getting married doesn’t necessarily mean forever. They tell us to marry our friends. Well, I married my friend but here we are. Before I married her, I didn’t know she was the type who would want to share me with other people, but I found that out after marriage. I also wish I knew to keep our marital affairs in the marriage, and not involve a third party. I shouldn’t have lied to her either. Now the thought of it keeps haunting me. I keep thinking about everything I suffered in my past only to meet another sad ending. I wonder what would have happened if I had been more patient with my wife.

Anyway, what’s done is done. I am back on the market looking for love. I hope this time around when it finds me, it will stay forever.

#ThingsIWishIKnewBeforeGettingMarried

—Amponsah

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