I felt it on our first date. Each time he drew closer, it hit me like a thunderbolt. I kept withdrawing, creating an artificial distance between us so I could catch my breath. When I moved an inch away, he moved an inch closer, whispering into my nose. True love comes and takes your breath away. Yeah this guy sitting right next to me was indeed taking my breath away, literally.

I didn’t want to act wrong so I bore it all until the date ended. He said a lot of beautiful things but by the time I was leaving, the only thing I remembered was his breath, stale like rotten fresh fish. When everything is right about them except one thing, you don’t judge them on that one wrong thing. You make an exception to the rule; “He has mouth odour but…” Then you talk about the plethora of things you love about him.

I did the same about Randy. “He has mouth odour but he’s kind. He’s also a gentleman. He loves God and talks about him in every sentence. He comes with an aura that says I’m committed and will take you over the line. Let me not concentrate on his bad breath and lose my soul mate. They don’t come all perfect and made up.”

Days later when he proposed to me I nodded my head. He asked, “Is that it? You’re my girlfriend now? You mean I have you all to myself?” I nodded again and he drew closer to kiss me. God, he took my breath away so I ducked to avoid the kiss. He asked, “You won’t kiss me?” I answered, “It’s too soon for a kiss plus I’m not a fan of kissing. Let’s take it slowly.”

When I started visiting his place and spending time with him, the first thing I sent there was a bottle of mouthwash. I placed it where he would easily see it. He picked it up, read what was written on it and said, “Listerine? I won’t try it. The first time I tried was the last time I used it. It set my mouth on fire. Not this time.”

I spent minutes trying to convince him that Listerine is the best thing that could happen to him; “See, this one is not that hot. Try it. It would make your breath fresh all day and bring your confidence to a whole new level. Just finish the bottle and see the difference it will create in your life.” He said, “I’m using a very good toothpaste and it’s been doing the magic for me all these years. I don’t need it.”

Truly he didn’t touch it. I slept at night praying to God, “When I prayed for a man, this is who you gave me. I see your gift when I see it. This one comes from you looking at how he’s been good to me but God you know our problem. It’s bare before your eyes and I know you can solve it. Touch his heart so he will touch the Listerine I gave to him.”

I went to him each day with hopes that I will see a little drop in the level of Listerine I sent him but it didn’t happen. Everything in his bathroom was touched, some were even getting finished but the mouthwash stood there lonely and full while I was dying to kiss him.

The love was new. That was the period lovers shower each other with kisses because new and beautiful things ought to be kissed but each time he drew closer, he took my breath away and I wanted to die.

I gave him a gum one day and it worked. So we had our first kiss and the second one and the third. Damn, he’s a good kisser. I didn’t want to stop but every once in a while, he would breathe heavily on me and the true colours of his breath will show so I’ll disengage and start all over again.

I felt guilty. I felt I wasn’t being fair to him and to myself. “There’s something wrong with the man I love but I can’t tell him and all I do is gossip about him in my head and judge him. That’s not fair. No, I’ll tell him about it. Sweetly. Gently. He loves me so he would understand. He’d get his breath fixed so we can kiss whenever and wherever.”

The relationship was I think five months old when I told him. I made it subtle; “What did you eat today? It’s affecting your breath.” Drink water, your mouth is dry.” “Take your time on the onions. You smell like you just ate some.” Then he’ll say, “I haven’t eaten onions in a long while.” In my mind, I thought he was getting it but he didn’t. I had no option but to tell him, “Randy, you have this odour in your mouth. It’s not friendly at all. Why don’t you see a dentist? There could be some problem somewhere.”

I don’t know how he processed the information but he didn’t react well to it. His demeanour changed. His face fell. He frowned. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the time we were together. I gave him space. People are like that. The truth hurts them at first but when they are left alone, they engage with their conscience and see the truth as they are. And then they work on it.

Three days later, Randy’s mood was still the same. He didn’t call as he used to. When I was with him, he was far away from the man he used to be. I knew what was wrong but I still asked, “Babe, is everything alright?” I asked this question for days before he finally opened up with anger. “I’ve been with you all this while, is it today that you’re telling me I have a mouth odour? When we kissed, I didn’t have mouth odour, right? That was disrespectful and if it was a joke, then it was a bad joke.”

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I saw the level of his anger and thought it wise to apologize to calm him down. It took a few days before he came back to normal and when he did, he still came with his mouth odour.

We’ve done a year already. We’ve spent nights together where I couldn’t sleep soundly. I couldn’t face him and sleep but that was what he wanted. I had to compromise. He had a catarrh once and I could smell his breath from a long distance. It wasn’t easy but I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to see him that angry again. We’ve gone out with friends where I felt embarrassed anytime he opened his mouth to talk. By this time my friends are judging me, saying upon all my too known, my boyfriend has mouth odour. They are disrespecting me in their heads but I can understand.

Randy is everything I want in a man. He looks good. He’s generous. Aside from God, I’m the next thing he’s committed to. He talks about the future a lot and every line he weaves about the future, I’m the central thread. What annoys me the most are his friends and colleagues at work. Even his bosses. They were there before I came into the picture. Why haven’t they been able to draw his attention to his breath? What are they scared of? If they did their work well as friends and colleagues, I wouldn’t be the one to suffer.

At this moment, I know one day the pastor will say, “You may kiss the bride” and I’ll have to duck because eii. But what’s a wedding without ‘you may kiss the bride?’ That’s my fear now. He understands I don’t like kissing so he doesn’t pressure me with it but it’s a lie. I can kiss for Ghana but I have to live a lie all because of a simple thing he could have resolved if he listened to me. I’m happy and sad at the same time. I don’t know what to say or how to go about it the next time looking at how the first one ended. Hmmm.

—Lena

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