We started dating years ago when we were very young. We didn’t understand the world the way we do now so we did things the way we thought was good for us. We called it an adventure. We called it happiness. We convinced ourselves that life was supposed to be lived like that. I was a spoilt child and he was a spoilt man so the two of us complemented each other.

We had sex at the beach when others were watching. It was at night. They could see what was happening and were amazed at the way we didn’t care about their presence. We did it again in a pool. A pool that had over thirty people in it. We didn’t care whether they saw us or not. We were on top of the world.

At the time when this was happening, Ben didn’t have a job and I also didn’t have a job. I needed money. I needed someone who’ll take care of me so when Julius came along, I said yes to him. He was a married man. He gave me a lot of things Ben couldn’t afford to give to himself. When I got the money from Julius, I gave some to Ben. He didn’t know it. I told him I was stealing from my parents.

One day he caught me real-handed with the married man. I couldn’t defend myself. Julius was begging him not to do anything silly that would draw attention. I also begged him. He asked for money and Julius gave it to him. He disappeared for a month. He didn’t call me and didn’t pick up my calls. I thought it was over until he reappeared someday to tell me, “I wanted to leave you. You hurt me so bad but I’m back because it’s been empty without you. I’m angry at myself for coming back but it’s you I want. Promise it won’t happen again.”

I promised him and even crossed my heart and told him, “I hope to die if I ever cheat again.” Two months later, he caught me again.

He read my messages while I was asleep. I was dating another married man who was giving me money. That day he slapped me twice and held my neck asking why I keep cheating on him. I thought he was going to kill me. My eyes were popping out and was shivering out of fear. I begged him to spare my life. “It won’t happen again, I swear. Please forgive me. It’s the devil. I’ll go to church. I’ll ask a pastor to pray for me. I’ll change I promised.”

He disappeared again. A few weeks later, he came back. We both had a deep conversation and agreed that joblessness is our enemy and not cheating so we would intensify our job search. A couple of months later, I got a job. I got it through a man who slept with me but he didn’t know. He also took a job that wasn’t paying well. He just wanted to be busy and be seen as serious in life.

He was working but was giving me nothing. The man who got me the job was still lurking around. I was careful not to get caught but Ben had a way. It was like magic. Once another man comes into the frame, he gets it. He caught me again, left and never came back.

I didn’t go looking for him. I didn’t call to beg him. I knew I’d done too much to be forgiven. It was OK. “He should go his way and I’ll also go my way without him catching me at each step of the way.

A year later, a friend came to tell me Ben had travelled outside the country. By that time I’d moved on completely so I didn’t care what happened to him. We were not even talking and I guessed he had moved on too.

The next guy I found was also good for nothing. He didn’t care that I was cheating on him as far as I took care of him. I did it right in his face. I remember we were having shuperu when one of my older men called me. I pushed him off me and took the call. The man was on his way to my place so right after the call, I dressed up and rushed out. I thought he’ll stop me. I thought he’ll exercise some sort of control over me and prove to me that I was indeed his. He didn’t. He watched me leave and sent a message that said, “We’ll continue from where you left tomorrow.”

I left him and concentrated on the married men who had something to give. At a point I had like four of them, they were all paying but they all demanded my time. On a busy night, I’ll move from one to another until I satisfy all of them. I promised myself that when I’m able to buy land I’ll stop. I bought the land but was still doing it. “Oh, when I finish my building’s foundation I’ll stop.” I didn’t stop. There was no way for me to stop because I was getting money.

Three years later I had a call. Guess who it was coming from…Ben. He was back in Ghana and wanted to see me.

We met one hot afternoon and was shocked by what I saw. He was wearing a black shirt with a pastoral collar and looking saintly like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I was like, “What happened to you?” His answer was, “God happened. I travelled to look for a greener pasture but it turned out God is the only pasture that’s evergreen.”

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I sat there looking at him with my mouth open. While he talked about his love for God and eternal life, I was thinking about all the crazy styles this gentleman had ever given me. The crazy places we did it and the kind of things he did with the mouth he was using to call God his green pasture. We had a drink and soon parted ways.

I didn’t want to see him again. There was nothing there to pick but he kept calling me every day asking for another meeting and another drink until he said, “How about another date? A new start for us. I can see you’re still not married. You might have a boyfriend but remember old boyfriends are the best. You can always make a new boyfriend but you can never make an old boyfriend. Let me marry you.”

“Me? Marry a pastor? No, I can’t. It’s you God called. He didn’t call me.”

That was six years ago. This year marked our fifth marriage anniversary and we have two kids. What changed?

Are you asking me what changed?

After playing hide and seek with him for months, he managed to find where I lived and came there one afternoon. He was insistent. I said, “I can’t marry a pastor. If you came as you were, it would have been different but you came in a collar. No, I can’t.”

He said, “Don’t look at the collar and get it wrong ooo. I still have it. Whatever you loved about me is still here. When God called me, he didn’t take my styles away from me. He only put his word in my mouth. I still have parts and pieces of the old me and at the right time, you’ll clap for me.”

And then we laughed. The laughter felt like the old way we used to laugh. He held me and looked into my eyes. I felt it. That old passion I buried when he left me came back. He said, “God is not boring. Things change when he calls you but it doesn’t get boring the way you think. God said, “Try and see and you’ll know I’m God.” Why don’t you try?”

That was it. I believed him and gave him a try.

In The End, I Had To Choose Between Three Men | Beads Media

Now look at us. Old things have passed away. I didn’t even get the urge to speak to those old men again. It became like a filthy rag for me because we prayed a lot and went to places together.

He travelled to find God so he could pull me along. I share our story with the youth of the church and they don’t believe me. They think I’m just saying too much to make God look bigger. They don’t know every saint has a past and our past was a blast of everything sinful than what’s happening in their lives now.

—Naana

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