My First Relationship Failed Because My ‘Yinky’ Failed To Rise Up Where It Mattered Most

We were in JHS two but it looked like every boy around me had a girl they called their own. Not only that, every boy or girl around me had experienced sex in one way or the other and they were vocal about it. I saw myself as a boy growing up to be a responsible person. I was always the class prefect of my class until I got to JHS two. I was young but I was more interested in leadership than relationships so I never gave any headspace to things of the heart until my friends started coming at me.

Every conversation had sex in it. It could be us discussing religious and moral education but these my friends will find a way to bring in the discussion of women. I always switched off when it got to that because I had no contribution to make.

Duke was my closest friend then. One day, we were seated outside and talking when Rita came to pass. He tapped me and said, “This girl will be sweet ooo. Why don’t you try and see? Maybe she’ll have feelings for you too.”

I got up and started leaving. He laughed at me. He called me fearoo. He said, “You’re a fine boy but you’re scared of women. Then what’s the use of that fine face you have? You’re wasting it. Taste it ooo or else you’ll be gyimigyimii.”

I don’t know the English word that can explain gyimigyimii better but an idiot is close yet far from the meaning. Gyimigyimii is a severe kind of idiot. That’s what was associated with the lack of sex.

I had a maths problem and went to see Sule right before the exams. I was in JHS three. I knew I would write my final exams soon so I didn’t want to leave room for any weakness in maths. Sule was the guy. That proverbial guy who points out mistakes in the teacher’s maths solution after the whole class has responded ‘yes’ to “Do you all understand?”

I went to see him with a past question and immediately he saw the question he started laughing at me. He said, “You say you won’t taste a woman’s fountain, how can you have the sense to solve a problem like this? Ask our grandfather Adam, he’ll tell you. He was able to name all the animals in the Garden of Eden after he chopped Eve. You’re here running from girls.”

I was hurt but I felt the pressure. We had learned about peer pressure in school but when it was time for me to make the decision, I didn’t think about the disadvantages of peer pressure. I felt I was missing out on something everyone else knew about. I felt like I was wasting away my childhood so I spoke to Duke; “Charley, now I’m serious. If I get some, I’ll chop but I’m scared to propose. What if she says no and goes ahead to spread it?”

Duke assured me that he would help me. He even asked me to choose one of the girls so he would do the connection for me. I chose Benedicta. He said, “Nooo, Eric has chopped before so I won’t advise it.” I chose Rose. He slapped my thighs and said, “Don’t you know how to cut your coat according to your size? Come down the ladder. Sir Aboagye dey use. That’s not the meat for your milk teeth.”

Finally, we settled on Gina. True to his words, he helped me. One day he told me, “She’s ready for you. Go and pour venom. Don’t disappoint me.”

I spoke to Gina for the first time about my feelings. He wasn’t sure about me but I stuck around her often to strike home the point. She said yes. I said, “I’ll love you till I die. You’re my first but I know you’ll be my last too. We’ll stay in love until we grow up and marry.”

It was Duke who gave me those forking lines. She fell for it and I fell for the beauty of her body.

We were young and under the feet of our parents. I didn’t have a room of my own. I shared a mat with two other siblings of mine. We remove the centre table at night and spread our mat there to sleep. I had space in my heart for love but I didn’t have the physical space to put expressions to the love I had for Gina. We were left standing by the street and the corners of dark places to express what was in our thoughts. We imagined it on our mats at night and lived it in the corners of dark places.

I was a virgin. Gina wasn’t. She knew where to touch and if there was a place she wanted me to touch, she led my hand there. Honestly, I was scared each time we got to that. I would be shivering, thinking someone was coming, an adult who’ll catch us and beat us.

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One Saturday afternoon, we discovered an uncompleted building and went in. She was wearing a skirt so she lifted it and asked me to do the do fast before someone comes around. I was shaking. My knees were wobbly. The fear affected my yinky so it couldn’t rise up. I was forcing it to arise and shine but the fear was so great my yinky didn’t respond to the motivation.

Gina turned around and asked what the problem was. She looked down and got her answer. She got to it, doing everything to rescue the perishing. We were both scared so we threw our eyes around ceaselessly so we see the danger before it happens. She tried her best but my yinky remained wilted. She got up and left while I remained in there buckling my belt.

I went to school on Monday and rumor had it that I was impotent. I mean how?

Gina told a friend and that friend told a friend and the friend also told a friend until it became a well-spread joke. I was the joke. Duke made things worse. Sule added his voice. These two had the clout in our class. The teasing was massive. I would pass by two people and they’ll stop whatever they are saying and use one minute to laugh at me. I was scared it would get to the teachers. I was scared my parents would get to know. I went to Gina to beg her to tell people that it was all lies. She even laughed at me.

I didn’t go to school for two days, thinking that would make them forget. The day I went back to school, one girl looked at me and asked, “Did you go to your home town to see a herbalist?” Everyone laughed. I blamed Gina. I hated her for what she had done to my reputation so I broke up with her. She said, “See who’s breaking up with someone. Do you think I’m in a relationship with you? I was even considering you.”

She chuckled while walking away.

I will never forget the embarrassment. Behind the embarrassment was also the fear that my yinky won’t rise when it gets to what matters the most. Their jokes got to me. I believed them. I was worried each time I saw my flaccid yinky. It made me anxious and eager to try again and see if would work.

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Right after BECE, I got a new girlfriend in my area. During the day, my parents went to work and my siblings went to school so I had the whole house to myself. My new girlfriend came around often. We were in a safer space. I was no longer scared. We did it once and indeed it was sweet. I got my mojo back. We did it again the following day and then the following day. Duke had traveled out of town so I had no one to share the news with. I spoke to myself; “Gina was the problem and not me. See the skills I can do with this one?”

I walked around smiling a lot, parting myself at the back for good work done but ultimately, I was happy the fear was gone and I was relieved I could see myself as a full man.

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