I warned her not to take money from him again but she is not able to tell him that. Her attitude is making me suspect that she has something to do with her ex. I haven’t seen anything to prove that she is cheating but how difficult can it be to tell your ex, “My husband doesn’t want you to send our daughter money for special occasions anymore.”? It is exactly this kind of drama that made me stay away from single mums in the past. The father of their child will keep coming up in your relationship.
Yes, I never thought I would get involved with single mothers until I met Gifty. By then she was living with her baby daddy’s family. She told me her baby daddy had traveled outside the country. Her family wanted nothing to do with her because she had a child out of wedlock, and she was not financially stable enough to get her own place. That’s why she couldn’t leave her baby daddy’s house even when his parents used her as a maid.
She told me, “I am the first to wake up in that house, and the last person to go to bed. I cook all their meals yet everybody has to eat before I eat.” I felt so bad for her. Nobody deserved to be treated that way. And to make matters worse, the father of her child told her to move on with her life. She said, “He just called me out of the blue and told me he no longer wants me. He asked me to find another man and settle down with that person. I know it is his mother who has poisoned him against me. But it’s fine.” Their child was two years at the time this happened.
Gifty wept for weeks but eventually, she pulled herself together and moved on. That was when she met me. Her story touched me and awakened the protector in me. I wanted more than anything to save her from her oppressors. So I rented an apartment for her. She packed out of the house with her daughter and moved in the place I got for them. She didn’t have a job then so their upkeep became my responsibility.
I sent the little girl to school and took on the role of a father in her life. In return, Gifty treated me like a king and made me feel like I am her number one man. This made me discard all my reservations about marrying a single mother. I was also impressed by her amazing home management skills. She is what we describe as a wife material.
As time went on, she got pregnant and delivered a beautiful baby boy for me. After she weaned the baby she got pregnant for a second time. When this happened, an evangelist I respected called and spoke to me. “A woman like Gifty is hard to find. She is hardworking, humble, and very respectful. Don’t let her give birth to another child out of wedlock. Go and see her family and perform her marriage rites before the baby arrives,” he advised.
I did exactly as the Evangelist said, and we got married in 2015. All this while, I never asked for a pesewa from Gifty’s baby daddy to take care of his daughter. I bore all the responsibilities as a father should. However, a time came when the little girl had to celebrate her birthday, but I was very broke. I asked my wife to loan me GHC100 to get a few things for the birthday celebration, and she told me she didn’t have money. Later that day I was in our room when I heard her phone ringing. She was cooking outside so I went to take the phone to her to receive the call. But the call disconnected when I touched the phone. Just then, a message notification popped up on the screen.
I usually don’t go through her phone but something pushed me to open it that day. I was surprised to see that her baby daddy had sent her money for their daughter’s birthday celebration. I was hurt but I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t show it in my countenance either. I waited to see if she would bring up the money but she never did. So I acted like it never happened. What I rather did was monitor her phone to see if he would send money again. He didn’t send any money until December of that year. He sent GHC500 for Christmas.
That one too she didn’t say anything to me about it. I started to wonder how many times she received money from him and never told me about it. The thought filled me with suspicions and anger. I didn’t want to confront her while I was so angry so I held myself together until I was in a better state of mind. When I asked her she said, “I am sorry, but I didn’t know how to tell you.” I warned her, “Don’t ever let me see that he has sent you money again. If he wants to take care of his child then he should assume full responsibility. He should pay school fees and send pocket money. He shouldn’t just sit there and send GHC500 on certain occasions. It’s an insult to me.”
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She put a password on her phone after we had that conversation. She tried her best to cover her tracks but I noticed during last year’s Christmas holidays that the man sent her GHC500 again. I complained bitterly about it and told her to put a stop to it. Why would a father not provide for his child’s needs but send money for celebrations? If I am able to provide her basic needs, then what makes him think I can’t provide for her birthday and Christmas needs?
This is what my wife is struggling to understand. Neither is she able to tell the guy’s family about my concerns. This is why I suspect that something is going on between her and the guy. I’ve lost trust in her, and I am beginning to regret marrying a single mother. I’ve informed her brother to talk to her so she would stop being secretive but nothing has changed. Are my suspicions right? Or I am just overreacting? Please I need your thoughts on this.
— Johnny
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#SB
You may or may not be over-reacting.
However, I do not see the need to send 500gh for b’days and Christmas when he doesn’t pay school fees and other bills.
You’ve to be firm on your wife but not in an aggressive way. Whiles being firm, play the “fools” role and u will chance on the truth with ease.
Best of luck
Humans hate restrictions. The more you restrict them the more they find ways of doing what you spoke against. So If I were you I let her do her thing . You do yours as well . Don’t let this destroy your marriage. But also be smart as well . For the mean time lay low unordered to see more things than someone who is not laying low. Suspicion doesn’t solve any thing so why don’t you get an evidence to prove your suspicion. Women like money ,so your wife will take money from her ex because he is the giving her the money. She won’t tell him no. The fact that she does that does not mean she is cheating on you .Don’t act impulsively, act swifly but with more intelligence. Always think ahead. Don’t let your emotions lead but rather your brains.
Just ask your wife to let her ex take full responsility for the daughter. It is never your responsility in the first place. A conversation on that level could awaken your wife to appreciate your efforts more.
There is something about mentality of women and their entitlement to money especially if their baby daddy is abroad.
You will get yourself hurt when the ex demands later to take custody of the daughter. Be flexible on communication between your wife and her ex as it pertained to their daughter. It is their rights. You also have the rights to demand from your wife that she should be open and truthful about their communications to you.
Disabuse your mind about flirtatious suspicion since the man is not resident here. Love your wife and guide her without threats.
I don’t get the part where you suspect that your wife is having an affair with her ex. Did you see any message suggesting such when you went through her phone? If not then let that part rest but the monetary issue is infuriating. She is compounding issues for single parents.
Give her a choice between receiving the occasional remittance from her ex or you will stop paying fees for the little girl and other expenses, this may wake her up. Make sure you are going to see through that. It hurts when you are not fully appreciated. All the best.
Chris has said it all, infact tell your wife to tell the baby daddy to take full responsibility as a father not give what he wish when he so desire and that settles it. And if I say responsibility, I mean sole responsibility ranging from housekeeping to school feeding to school fees and wears. If u don’t take this precautions and u take responsibility as a father, he will still come and take her away from u and u will feel hurt. Love her as much as u can and pls be gentle with your wife.