I was twenty-three and in my final year in the university while Nana was twenty-six and unemployed. Our love story was birthed on Facebook. It started with a simple “Hi” and a month later we were smitten with each other. We were so taken with each other’s personalities that we did not meet in person before we started dating.

I lived in Sunyani while he lived in Accra but Nana was crazy about me. Everything he did and said was evidence of his love. I too was madly in love with him. Well, I still am madly in love with him. We lived so far apart but our love was the bride that made the distance so short. What I mean is, he visited me in Sunyani so often that you would think it was just an hour’s drive.

They say no relationship is perfect but ours defied the odds. He made time to see me, and the communication was good. My only problem with him was his unemployment. I understand that it is difficult to get a decent job in this country. Nonetheless, does it mean we should not try at all? Because Nana refused to try. The only sign that he was looking for a job was when he would use his mouth to announce, “I am searching for a job.” That’s it. He didn’t even have a CV. And he never wrote letters or applied for any jobs.

“How are you supposed to find a job without putting in any effort to do so?” I would ask him. He would just shrug, “The universe will bring me an opportunity worthy of me.” I didn’t like his attitude but I couldn’t blame him much. His mother who was living abroad used to send him monthly stipends. So he never lacked anything. I am sure if he didn’t have any money to rely on he would have been moved to desperately search for a source of income. Too much comfort never brings about change.

While he was comfortable doing nothing for himself, I was not pleased. I have always wanted a financially independent man. So I advised him, “Nana, you have a huge following on social media. Why don’t you take advantage of the platform and start an online business?” My man just brushed me off. The only thing he used his platform for was to gain enough popularity to flirt with other girls. He tried to cover his tracks but I knew. I just didn’t mind him. I guess I was too concerned about our financial future to worry about his flirtatious behavior.

Even when I completed university, Nana was still unemployed. I finished my national service and he still made no attempts to get his act together. I got a great job right after my national service, and my man was not quickened to sit up. I wanted us to start building our future together but how could we do that when my man was depending on his mother for upkeep? No matter how much I spoke to him and encouraged him, he wouldn’t budge.

It got to a point where I couldn’t wait around for him anymore, so I ended the relationship. He was devastated. “Please don’t leave me,” he begged, “I promise you that I will get a job.” I was still in love with him but I just couldn’t put my life on hold for him any longer, so I moved on. Not only were we lovers but we were best friends as well. So leaving him felt like cutting off a part of myself. I missed him every day and it took me a lot of restraint not to crawl back to him.

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After him, I met someone who was striving to achieve his potential. I gave him a chance and we started dating. I stopped calling Nana but I kept tabs on him through social media. I just wanted to know if he was doing alright. Nana on the other hand texted me from time to time to check up on me. But each time he got in touch, I pushed him away. I wanted my new relationship to work at all costs, you know.

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One time I was on his page when I noticed that he is in the judicial service and he has started some side businesses. I must say, I am very happy for him. It happened that somewhere last year, my relationship ended. It lasted for seven years but we never made it to the altar. After healing, I met someone new. Things are going well but I keep thinking about Nana.

I was so overwhelmed with emotions one time that I gave him a call. After the call, we started chatting on WhatsApp. I can’t seem to focus on my new boo, because Nana has claimed all my thoughts. He makes certain comments when we chat that make me feel he still wants me. My feelings for him are killing me softly. I wish I could tell him that I still love him but I don’t know how he will react. What do you suggest I do?

— Eleanor

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