I currently have three men in my life. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m only dating one of them. The other two are just friends in my cycle who want to be with me. Let me start by telling you about my boyfriend, Benson. We connected through a mutual friend in 2020. He is with the armed forces but at the time we started talking, he was pursuing a course in the States.

When he first asked me to be his girlfriend I declined. However, he did not give up easily. We spent time chatting on WhatsApp and getting to know each other. I didn’t stand a chance after I got to know him. My heart fell for him before I could hold myself back. That is how I came to accept his proposal. Things were good despite the fact that we were blindly dating. I thought of him first thing in the morning. And my mind flooded with his sense of humor when I go to bed every night. I was happy.

Nine months into our relationship, Benson visited Ghana in 2021. I was so happy to finally see him. And judging from how excited his joystick was, I knew he was happy to see me as well. This guy’s excitement got the better of him, and he wanted to sleep with me that very day. I told him, “I love you but I can’t give myself to you. I want to wait till we get married.” He smiled sweetly, “It’s okay my dear. I understand. I will wait for you.” I felt lucky to have a man who understood my values.

Shortly after we parted ways Benson texted me, “I am sorry but this relationship won’t work for me.” I was surprised. I was hurt. But I also knew better than to compromise on my values in an attempt to keep a man. So I let him go. Honestly, I felt shattered. I would try to move on but a smell, a song, or a joke would remind me of him. And I would feel pain all over again. For eight months, I did not get involved with anyone. I was still carrying my heavy heart in my chest and begging it to heal.

In my eighth month of grief, Benson came back. He was sorry for how he left things. “I should never have walked away. I want to make things right, please. Give me another chance,” he sounded very sincere. I had not gotten over him, so it was easy to forgive him. We still haven’t had shuperu but things are so good between us. He is back in Ghana now but he lives in another region. The distance between us is quite far but we talk all the time. He also helps me out whenever I need his help.

He told me the other day that he would like to come and see my family to introduce himself to them officially. I love this guy so much, and I know he loves me too. My only problem with him has to do with the recurring dreams I have been having about him. I am a dreamer and most of my dreams come to pass. That’s why my dreams about my boyfriend scare me. One time I had a dream that we were getting married, but it was called off because he didn’t show up.

Another time I had a dream that he gave birth to a baby girl with another woman. Although these are the kinds of dreams I have about him we are doing well in reality. I can always feel how deeply we love each other, but a part of me is convinced that we don’t know each other well enough considering that our relationship has mostly been long-distance. We mostly communicate on the phone and we’ve met in person only twice. I doubt that’s enough to get to know him properly.

Now let’s talk about Paul, my childhood friend. We attended primary school together. We were kids back then but I had a crush on him. However, I didn’t get the chance to find out if he had a crush on me too. He left school when we were in JHS and I never heard from him again until 2014. We reconnected during vacation classes and it was great to catch up. After that, I didn’t hear from him until I had a dream about him in 2017. In the dream, we were married. I didn’t even remember the dream when I woke up until he sent me a WhatsApp message the next morning. I was so surprised but I didn’t think anything of it.

For the next five years, we did not talk but I kept dreaming about marrying him. Earlier this month I had another dream about him. When I woke up I thought, “Another dream about this guy?” I have never given much thought to the dreams but Paul texted me a week ago. He asked if I missed him. I don’t have that kind of relationship with him but I said yes, and we started talking. “There is something I never got the courage to tell you,” he said, “I have always been in love with you.” I chuckled and told him, “Well, if you had said it long ago I would have agreed to be with you.”

His response was simple, “The fact that you are not married means I still have a chance. I will marry you in a heartbeat if you give me the green light.” I didn’t know what to say. So I told him, “Give me some time  to think about it.”As I write this he is waiting for my response. He is a respectable, good-looking, and godly man. He is employed at the national headquarters of one of the most respected churches in the nation. I don’t feel anything for him, but I am confident that I can love him because of the kind of man he is.

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And then there is Owen. He joined my class when we were in primary six. He and I became fast friends, and we remained friends until we graduated from junior high and enrolled in different secondary schools. We stayed in touch since he called frequently to see how I was doing. He asked me to be his girlfriend somewhere in 2014, but I turned him down. The problem is that, although I only want him as a friend and have no feelings for him, this guy does not see it that way. He’s been calling me every time for the past few years to explain that he can’t be with anyone else besides me.

He claims that he has me on his list of plans despite the fact that I have never said yes to him. My father once said that people from my tribe do not marry from his tribe, so I immediately informed him about it in hopes that this knowledge would deter him. However, he took my father’s number and called to confirm the story. My dad confirmed it, but Owen wouldn’t have it. He told my father that if he doesn’t end up with me in the future, his life will be miserable. This is someone I have not agreed to date.

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He asked me yesterday if I would marry him in spite of my tribe and family, and I said no. This guy cried until he hung up. He texted me later saying, “Joyce, I will be miserable no matter how hard I try to move on. Please, give me a chance.” Sometimes I wonder if what he feels for me is true love or infatuation. Can infatuation last for eight years? That’s how long Owen has been on my neck.

I wanted to give him a chance when I was single but I was not sure I could love him. Now, I am just worried about him because he is miserable. He is in his final year in medical school and doing his project. I don’t want my rejection to affect his studies, but I also don’t know how to help him.

I’m sharing this story because I don’t know whom I should give the final green light to. Tell me, which of the three men should I choose? Even though I know some of you may criticize me, I’ll still read your comments and use them as guidance.

— Joyce

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