I took in seed 2015, and  I was scheduled for an induction in August of 2016. I set off to the hospital with excitement and expectation. I imagined what my baby would look like and how it would feel to hold him in my arms and I beamed with smiles. I got to the hospital, only for the nurses to tell me that they cannot feel my little angel’s heartbeat. The midwives did several checks but there was no sign of life in my womb. They called a doctor to come and assess the situation and he came to run his tests. When he finished he told me, “Madam, your baby is not alive.”

I was inconsolable at the hospital that day. To add salt to injury, they put me in the same ward with mothers who had just had their babies. Seeing them holding their bundles of joy to their breasts was unbearable for me, but I endured. These doctors let me stay at the hospital for four days before they got the baby out of me. I was told the delay could have killed me but my God is strong. He preserved my life when the health professionals toyed with it. They even gave me the wrong dose of drugs for the induction, and it almost ruptured my womb. Yet again, God showed himself strong and saved me.

After I was discharged, my partner at that time brought me home to my family and walked away. Thank the heavens that I have a supportive family who took care of me. I don’t know what would have become of me if it hadn’t been for them. I remember how I cried almost every day and night. My partner did not even attempt to comfort me emotionally. I didn’t wait for Jesus to come down and tell me to end the relationship and focus on my healing. I saw the signs for myself and took to my heels.

After three years of waiting, I met someone  who made me believe in the scripture, “When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen.” This wonderful man is a light that shone in my dark moments. We dated for six months and had a beautiful marriage ceremony.

I got pregnant shortly after we got married. Although I was happy, I was also terrified. I discussed my history with my husband, and he was supportive. To avoid my past from repeating itself we decided to attend antenatal visits at the best private hospital we could afford. We did everything right. I ate well, took my vitamins, and monitored my body very well. Despite our best efforts, we lost the pregnancy at thirty-four weeks. My husband and I grieved like there was no tomorrow. Sometimes I would find him in the bathroom, or in his car crying. Things were heavy in our house, but we received comfort from our family and friends.

By and by we believed that heaven will smile on us and give us joy. Friends told us what to do, where to go, and which herbalists or men of God to consult. We listened to everything they said but we chose to trust in God’s timing.

After twenty months, God heard us and I took seed again. Our joy knew no bounds. There were days my husband would ask me, “So we are really pregnant?” And I would smile, “I can’t believe it either. God is amazing, isn’t He?” We adhered to everything they asked us to do. And my husband always made time to take me to antenatal visits. We were sure that things would turn out right this time so we were filled with hope. We even planned that I would deliver the baby at thirty-four weeks through C.S.

Everything was fine until we got to our sixth month. That was when my blood pressure kept fluctuating. We were all concerned but we hoped the pregnancy would make it to thirty-four weeks. At thirty-one weeks, the baby’s movements decreased. My blood pressure continued to go up and down while I struggled with gestational diabetes. Due to this, the hospital became our second home. Our families live far from us so my husband had to juggle cooking, cleaning, and visiting me at the hospital together with his job.

One Sunday morning, my BP started going up while the baby’s heartbeat grew faint. Everything was a blur as the nurses and doctors run around with their machines. When I asked what was going on they told me to be calm. They gave me some drugs that were meant to strengthen the baby’s lungs. I was in a lot of pain, but I endured it all for the sake of my baby.

When my husband saw what was going on, he panicked and requested a C- section for us. The hospital didn’t have incubators so they referred us to the Korlebu Teaching Hospital. We were told Korlebu didn’t also have incubators. My husband made a lot of calls to several hospitals but there were no incubators in any of them. We called my brother and he recommended Nyaho clinic. We both laughed, “Can we afford that place?” But my brother had hope that it would work.

We went to Nyaho only to be told to make a deposit of GHS 37,000. Wow! All the while I was praying and asking God to save my child because I couldn’t feel her much. My brother’s budget was GHS 15,000.00, so we had no other choice but to go to Korlebu.

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Through it all, my brother and husband showed me so much love. At Korlebu, the baby was delivered through C.S. I received a lot of congratulatory messages even when I had not seen my baby’s face. I was overjoyed but I was also restless. I wanted to go see her but there were no wheelchairs to convey me to the Paediatric ICU. When I asked my husband how she was doing he gave me a sad smile and said, “Our baby girl is beautiful. She looks so much like you. She is a fighter.”

On Monday evening, my husband and I made arrangements for me to see my daughter the next morning. When morning came my doctor came to tell me, “Herty, we are sorry but your baby couldn’t make it.” I cried my eyes out. My husband also couldn’t hold back his tears when he saw me. I only believed that my little angel was gone when I saw her lifeless body in the cold room. We named her Nkunim, which means victory. However, it feels like we have been defeated too many times.

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At forty-two, I have lost three babies in a span of seven years. At a point, I even believed that God must be angry with me. It was the only explanation for all the losses I have suffered. However, I am consoling myself in the knowledge that God knows best.

I promised God I will give a testimony when I deliver my baby alive, so here I am giving God his praise. It breaks my heart that my child did not live beyond forty-eight hours but I am still thankful that he preserved my life. I am also thankful that he has given me a husband and a brother who have stood by me through everything. In fact, I am thankful to my entire family. Because of them, I know what it means to be truly loved.

It is my prayer that when I bring an update to this story I will have joyful news to share.

– Herty

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