I went to school with one goal in mind. The goal was to get a degree so I could make something out of my life. I had no interest in any other thing. So I kept my head down and kept my nose buried in my books. But you know how love is. It finds you when you are hiding your heart. Just one touch of a lover, and you could easily forget your mother’s middle name. That was how love found me and wrecked me. When I say it wrecked me, I don’t mean metaphorically. The relationship I found myself in was so toxic that my self-esteem was mangled by the time it was over.

One question I kept asking myself was, “How did I go from keeping my head down to getting my heart broken? I am done with love and men. Going forward I will keep my heart locked up so it doesn’t get me in trouble anymore.” I was in my final year when I made this resolution. The funny thing is, I was very convinced that I could harden my heart to love when it comes knocking on my door again.

Shortly after I made my resolution, my entire world changed. Oh, I did not get into trouble or anything. I just had a little fall. I fell in love again. It was so unexpected that it hit me like a truck. I had no way of blocking it. I tried to harden my heart to it but even frozen meat thaws when you expose it to heat. The kind of fire Derek brought into my life burned away all my cynicism and turned me into a hopeless romantic.

The moment I met him my heart whispered, “This is him. He is the one we are meant to be with.” “That’s what you said the last time, but I ended up getting hurt,” I said to my heart. Although I had already fallen for Derek, I did not jump into his arms the moment he expressed interest in me. I took my time and observed him for myself. I saw that he was sweet, calm, and very loving.

My friendship with him was the kick I needed to work on repairing my broken self-esteem. I spent a lot of time with him, and as I did, I began to forget about all the aches I suffered when my previous relationship went sour. My hardened and frozen heart thawed ounce by ounce at the sight of his smiles. When I was convinced that he truly was the right man for me, I said yes to his love proposal.

Our love grew strong and firm for three years. We had not had any hurdles or unnecessary squabbles along the way. Everything had been as smooth as butter. We made plans to get married and I never had a shred of doubt about marrying him. Everything about him is perfect for me. Even when the wedding date was approaching, I didn’t get cold feet or pre-wedding jitters.

While I was calm and composed, my fiance became moody. “Is everything okay?” I asked him. “Yes. I have never been better,” he responded. He insisted he was fine but everything about him showed he wasn’t. He was often distracted and seemed disinterested in anything concerning our wedding. I thought he would eventually snap out of it so I gave him space and quietly observed him.

A week to our wedding, Derek was still brooding over whatever seemed to be eating him up. I asked him, “Be honest with me, are you having doubts about us getting married? That seems to be the only explanation for your mood swings.” He shook his head vigorously, “Not at all, babe. I love you and nothing will make me happier than marrying you. I only seem moody because of all the money we are spending on the wedding. My finances are suffering because of it.” It seemed like a reasonable explanation so I left it there.

However, I received a call from my dad six days before the wedding. His message was cryptic, “I want to meet you and Derek urgently.” My dad is not one to call for meetings unless there is fire on the mountain. So I was very uneasy. I kept going through my memory in hopes of recalling what could have gone wrong. I thought deeply but nothing came to mind. So I called my fiance and we went to see him.

When we got there, I gauged my father’s mood, to try and decipher the purpose of the meeting. He looked shocked, angry, and disappointed. This heightened my anxiety. “Is he angry at me?” I wondered. Luckily, he stated the purpose of the meeting before I could drive myself crazy with worry. Long story short, a lady had reported Derek to my father. She said she is in a relationship with my man. They started not long ago but she got pregnant for him and they got rid of it.

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You can imagine my shock when my father finished narrating the story. How could my sweet, calm, and loving boyfriend do such a thing? “Maybe it’s a prank,” I comforted myself, “It just can’t be true. Derek will never look at another woman longingly, let alone impregnate one.” I stood firm in my conviction that my Derek did not do everything they said he did. But he burst my bubble when he said, “I am so sorry you had to find out like this, but this is what has been troubling me. I did all of it.”

Even after his confession, I couldn’t believe that he had the mind to cheat on me when we had sent out invitations for our wedding. “I don’t know why I did it. I think I panicked at the thought of getting married. I don’t even understand my own actions. Please forgive me.” This is how he has been apologizing nonstop since the truth came out.

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My family is waiting for him to settle whatever he has to settle with the lady and make things right with her family. As for our wedding, my father called it off. He is very angry and wants me to have nothing to do with Derek anymore. But what is love without forgiveness? He has messed up, but who hasn’t? Today he is down, but it might be me tomorrow. So I have chosen to forgive him and trust that he won’t do anything like this again. I love him very much, and I still believe that he is the one for me.

When he resolves his problems with the other woman I will give him a second chance. We will fix whatever is broken in our relationship and make it to the altar. Please wish us luck.

–Afia

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