In 2020 during the peak of the lockdown, a man approached me at my mother’s store. I didn’t want to entertain him in the beginning but he kept coming around. One time, he asked permission from my mum for me to go and help him do something in his house. He is one of my mother’s top buyers so she asked me to go and help him out. I was twenty-two then, and still very much under my parents’ thumb. So I did as my mother instructed me.
I followed this man into his car but he did not take me home. Instead, he just asked me a few questions about myself; “What is your name?” “How old are you?” “What tribe are you?” “What do you do for a living?” After I answered all his questions, he drove around for a while and dropped me off at my place. He told me, “I will call you later to come and do the thing for me.” I waited for hours but he didn’t call. So I texted him, “Don’t you need my help anymore?” He responded, “Don’t worry. The thing has been taken care of. But I will call you to meet me this evening so we talk.”
That evening, he took me to his building site and then to town to meet his friend. I did not like him so I found his company a bore. I decided there and then that I would no longer entertain him so he wouldn’t get any ideas about me. On our way back to my house he told me, When you get together with me, it will bring you a lot of opportunities.” I was confused because I couldn’t tell if that was his way of asking me to be his girlfriend.
When I got home my mum asked me, “What does that man want with you?” Before I could give her an answer she said, “If he proposes to you accept it. You know we are not doing well financially. If you want to further your education, your father and I will not be able to pay the fees. But maybe this man will take care of your education. Don’t miss your chance.” I was surprised she said this because a guy from my church had already come home to ask for my hand in marriage. We all said yes, but I told the guy to wait for me to get a career before we get married. I want to be a midwife but I couldn’t go to school because I kept failing my core maths. However, my betrothed was still in the picture. So how could my mother ask me to date someone else?
I knew if I didn’t take my mother’s advice I wouldn’t have a chance at the career I wanted so badly, so I couldn’t cut off this new man. His name is Agyemang. Everyone wants a soft life, isn’t it? I’m not a bad girl but I chose to give in to the demands of a man I did not desire, in hopes of getting benefits from him. When we first got together I did not know he was married. I only put two and two together when he kept saying things like, “Your rival is calling me. I need to answer it so she doesn’t get angry.” I didn’t need to be a genius to know that the rival he was referring to was his wife. I could have walked away then but I thought, “What’s the point? I have already done everything with him. I am even beginning to fall in love with him. Besides, I am not interested in snatching him from his wife. I just want some favors from him.”
He gave me money occasionally, and it sustained me while I was searching for a decent job. At some point, I had to stop looking for a job because Agyemang did not want me to work. “What if I need to have you urgently but you are at work? Who then should I turn to?” He complained. After I asked him what he suggests I do with my free time he said, “With your height, you will do well in the security service. So register for Nov/Dec and better your maths so I help you join any one of the services.” I agreed to that but when the time came for registration, he did not give me the money I needed. I had to borrow money to pay for the exams.
I enrolled in a remedial school, and this man gave me only GHC100 when I was moving to a hostel. My mum had to plead with the director to let me start so we pay later. The director too, the moment he saw my face and noticed my irresistible beauty, he listened to my mother’s pleas. After I settled into the hostel he started making advances at me. I am not one to juggle many men so I turned him down. In spite of everything Agyemang had done, I could not cheat on him. So when my director’s pressure became too much for me to withstand I left the hostel and went home.
Because of this same Agyemang, I withdrew from my betrothed until he left me. I remained faithful to him although he had a wife, yet this man had the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him. Sometimes I would let him go through my phone just to shut him up. Later, I found out that he was having problems with his wife. But that was not my business so I never bothered myself with it. I focused my energy on getting ready for the exams. When the time was approaching, the director of the remedial school sacked me for not paying the full fees. I had no option but to go to Agyemang and cry. That was when he gave me GHC400 to go and settle my debts.
When the results for the exams were released, I passed all the subjects except core maths. My future looked very bleak at that moment but Agyemang encouraged me not to lose hope. My next course of action was to travel to the Northern part of the country and register for WASSCE. The school I enrolled in was expensive. So I worked and saved money, and my sister also gave me money, but my man gave me nothing.
Somewhere in April 2021, he divorced his wife. I thought that would make me the main chick but this man had other plans. He told me, “Look, I care about you but you are too young to be my wife. There is a twenty-year age gap between us. That’s too much. I don’t want to lose you but I can’t marry you either. I hope you understand.” I did not understand. I was hurt because I had fallen in love with him. But I told him I understood.
He started dating a weird-looking lady while I was taking care of his home, his kids, and warming his bed. He told me the lady is an old friend of his. He said she was fit to be his next wife. I endured having to share him with this woman while I went to school and wrote my WASSCE in October 2021. Shortly after I wrote my exams, he broke up with his new woman. And I became the only woman in his life. He asked me to have a baby for him but I refused. I told him, “I need to have a career before I start a family.”
As time went on I met a man on an online dating site who helped me set up a business. Agyemang did not contribute a penny to my business yet he always complained, “Because of this business you don’t have time for me anymore.” I wanted to make him happy so I would close my shop every time he needed me. Soon enough, the business collapsed because of my inconsistency. Fortunately, I had saved enough money to pay for nursing school admission fees. But unfortunately, I couldn’t get into nursing school with my good grades and impressive performance at the interview.
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While I was trying desperately to gain admission to school, Agyemang made up with his ex-fiancee. I was very hurt when I found out but I did not say anything. All this while, he invites me to come and cook at his church events. So I can say that I tick all the boxes of a marriage material. I know how to cook, I take care of his children and attend to his needs. Yet he uses our age difference as an excuse to sleep with other women in his quest for finding a wife. One of these women is a member of his church.
So he is dating me, the ex-fiancee he made up with, and the lady from his church. I am now in my mid-twenties but I am still not old enough to be his wife. I am looking at the number of men I drove away for his sake and I feel so betrayed and used. I want to send him to court, or Aunty Naa or Mama Efe and take compensation for the three years I wasted with him. Please will I be right to that? I feel so miserable.
–Yaa Yaa
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You will be a bigger fool more than you are now to demand compensation. You want a compensation as consenting to be a side chick to a married man. Has it ever crossed your mind what you caused the wife in the marriage. The gospel truth is that the law and the court does not give remedy to girlfriends when the relationship is no more. Besides you feel cheated and wants to leave he has not left. You better wise up and pick up the pieces. Remember no where cool, you wanted to cheat karma to have a nice life without toiling or building a future. Karma is teaching you a lesson, learn from it and start afresh. Relationship is not a guarantee to happiness bit what you fight for defines you. Good luck
You have said everything…I concur…she’s not serious
Please move on you are young. As long as you realise your mistake and make up for it you are good to go. You are a fool if you still give him your time and allow him to sleep with you. He is just using you be wise my dear. Those who give excuses are not truthful and reliable. Block any contact with him. He is meant for you will not use you. Sometimes the advice we get from our parents are not always right, you as an adult must think about it over again before you do it .Good advice never complicates your life but bad council ruins you. Leave him for good cause he is no good, he has nothing to give you.
This is a response to Akua Danso I am shocked at your so called advice. In her circumstance all you did was to add salt to her bruise. I believe you may not have gone through desperate situations in your life before. If you have you had I would believe your first inclination would be to empathize with her. Did you read that she was 22 by then? Did you read she influence by her mum who was supposed to be her advisor? Just because you heard the man was married, you thought she had committed an abomination. You have not face desperate situations before so continue to Judge her.
Contrary to what Akua Danso said “The gospel truth is that the law and the courts” does give remedy for breach of promise to marry. Even though he may have not verbalized it this can be inferred from his conduct, i. e. getting you to take care of his home including his bed. I encourage more and more women to resort to this remedy to deter men from exploiting women and dumping them when it suits them. You may approach a lawyer to assess your chances at a successful outcome. All the best!
Then you will continue to feel miserable when you still leave in your misery’s. Don’t act blindfolded or else you will wast your time with his shadow…
Symbiosis, do you see the lady as a home breaker? She wreaked havoc on another woman. Her mother did not help her much but she should have used her head to stick to her church member who wanted to marry her. Why didn’t she stuck with the man she met on line who helped her set up the business which leaves to go and be with Agyemang till she ruined the business? No one is judging her. She should move on, after all the harm has been done.
Yaa Yaa …. don’t forget u are not legally married to the man… henceforth if u take him to court u are the one gonna loose…. …Don’t forget the law-court is like a *SPIDER WEB* ….think about this!