Currently, I have five men in my life. They are not in my life as mentors or people who help steady the ship of my life. They are my boyfriends. If you see the kind of woman I am and I tell you I have five boyfriends, it will marvel you. I’m very small and unassuming, a leader in the prayer ministry of our church and the girl your mom will advise you to copy her lifestyle because she doesn’t know my root. The roots are mostly covered. We see a beautiful plant and think all is well. All might not be well. The root of the plant might be under attack but you might not know.

Kobby is the first of the five boyfriends. When his friends realized he was dating me, they made fun of him. They were laughing at his choice; “Ahh but you why? Among all the women in this world is this girl you chose? What do you see in her that we don’t see?” 

According to them, I was too ugly to be chosen by Kobby. They were right. I’m not the kind of girl you’ll call beautiful. You’ll call me prayerful, kind, well mannered and all but beauty won’t come to your mind when you’re asked to describe me. I’m the girl you think about when you talk about inner beauty. Kobby told his friends, “Don’t mind the body ooo, mind what’s inside of her.” 

What do I have inside of me? A heart that pumps blood, intestines, liver and all those organs that make a human. I get the metaphor when he said “Mind what’s inside of her” but life isn’t about metaphors and that’s not what I want to be known for. I want to be respected. I want to be treated as worthy of love. I want it all in life because I’m a child of God and deserve the goodies of life. 

Kobby didn’t tell me all that. I found it through chats he had with his friends. Some even laughed at him for leaving his beautiful ex only to settle with me. Ato told him; “W’ama Abogyewaa ɛya yɛn paaa. She’ll laugh at us when she sees this. We pushed you to leave her only to settle with this one?” So Kobby treated me like an unwanted object in the presence of his friends. He pretended I didn’t exist so he won’t feel guilty about having me as his girlfriend. I continued staying with him because if I left him, I wouldn’t get another man or a man like him again. 

Joe came along. Joe was a very good friend of mine I dashed sex to. After sex, he proposed to me and I said yes. I thought he wanted me because I could give him sex but as time went on I realized a different kind of dedication and commitment in his actions and thought to myself, “Wow, he’s really into this. Maybe it’s because it’s new. As we age, the love or whatever it is will fade and he’ll leave me alone. We are in our second year but he’s still on the same level of dedication and commitment. 

He loves me because I’m strong in the church. He calls me God-fearing and thinks a woman like me won’t cheat on him. You should see the things he does during shuperu, that alone will tell you his mindset. He thinks he’s the only one who goes there so whenever he gets me, he goes all out on me, reserving nothing because, to him, I’m his all. We’ve done two years alongside Kobby and he has never had a clue about him. It’s not that I’m good at hiding ooo. I’m not the kind of person you’ll think I’m hiding something. 

There’s James and there’s Jay. These two guys confuse me with their names. One day I called James Jay and he asked, “Who’s Jay?” I told him, “Isn’t Jay the short form of James?” He had no clue so he accepted my answer. I call both of them Jay to avoid messing up with their names. They too are dating me. I don’t see anything great about our relationship but they are there. Jay for instance can go three days without talking to me and appear one day and take it from where he left off. I don’t complain and that’s one thing he loves about me, that I don’t complain. “A woman your type is rare. You don’t give me pressure and that’s what I love about you,” he tells me often.

James is three years younger than me. He loves me because I’m mature. That’s all the definition of his love for me. He’s always present because of what he gets. I take care of him. He’s currently unemployed so I give him money and buy him gifts and he submits to my will. I find some peace in his submission because it’s not easy to find a man who submits willingly to a woman. 

And there’s Bo. The last on the list of men. We were paired to pray for a sick woman in our church. We were charged to seek good health for the woman within the shortest time possible. We gave ourselves a week to restore good health to the woman. We met in the park at night to pray. He called at dawn for us to pray. We did video calls often to intercede for the woman. The woman didn’t get well in a week but we had sex in a week. 

After park prayers, he proposed to me. I liked him too and he looked too genuine to be lied to so I told him, “I have a boyfriend.” He answered, “He’s your boyfriend and not your husband. I’m here with you. I’m the one who will marry you and keep you here. Think about that.”

I said yes and a day later, we had sex when the woman placed in our care was still suffering afflictions. We placed our orgasm ahead of her healing but God is still merciful so he gave the woman her healing. He gave to her not because we prayed. Who are we to catch the busy ears of God? He did it because he makes all things beautiful in his time not because two sinners asked him to. 

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This is the roll call of men in my life. They all bring different things to my life, some trouble, some love, some care, some affection and sometimes I’m taken for granted but it’s all good. Kobby is the oldest. He hates to love me but genuinely he loves me. He’s still here because at some point he realized he was losing me and he fought back to win my love.

Five men. A tiny woman who’s full of inner beauty. They all think they are the only ones in my life, well, except Bo who thinks he’s competing with one man. 

We fight and they stay away from my life for a while. I hardly miss their presence when they are gone because there are others who fill the space they leave behind. It makes me think, “Oh so that’s how it feels like for men to have different shades of women?” It’s such a good feeling, especially for a girl people think my looks shouldn’t deserve a man. 

But recently, I’ve had a serious thought about it and want all of them gone. Currently, they are like a collection of shiny ornaments on my table. They could fall and break and all I’ll say is “Oh!” And then take the broom and sweep them away. They mean something only because they are here. But once they are gone I don’t think I’ll miss a thing. But where do I start? Who do I let go first? How do I start all over again once they are gone? Can I learn to love another man genuinely once they are gone? Can I be faithful? 

My Husband Looks Like Someone Who Will Cheat | Beads Media

I’m not stupid, I know these guys may also have other women I don’t know of. In the end, it’s all a game but how do we bring this game to a close when there’s no referee to whistle for the end of the game? 

This is my story. It’s a battle I brought upon myself due to the feeling of inadequacy I felt as a woman. There are no lessons to learn here. I’m putting it here so that one day when it’s all over, I’ll come back to it and remember who I used to be and how far God has brought me. It’s a childhood photo I’m pasting here. One day, I’ll do a throwback and see the changes in my life. 

–Sika

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