I was going through the biggest heartbreak of my life when Nat came along. I didn’t want to waste his time so I told him; “I’m not in the right frame of mind to think about you. You chose a bad time to propose. I’m in the process of healing and all I want at this stage is space.” He asked what the issue was and I answered, “He broke up with me after four years of being together.” 

He thought he could help me mend so he stuck around, inviting me on a series of dates that I declined. “You have to give yourself the opportunity to heal. If you keep to yourself, the pain won’t go away. It will pitch camp with you and eventually bring you down. Step out and allow some light into your darkness. That’s the fastest way to heal.”

The idea wasn’t about healing the fastest way. I wanted to go through the pain fully so that when I heal in the end, I will be sure that it is true healing but he wanted to hold my hand and pull me out of my misery. I said no oftentimes until one day, I followed him around. I sat next to him while he drove around town. It felt good to be out there watching the nightlife. We didn’t say much. He allowed me to be quiet when I wanted to. It felt good so the next time when he asked again I followed him around. It became a ritual. Every Friday evening, he’ll come for me and we will go somewhere. It could be a live band. It could be a party nearby. All he wanted was for us to be in a happy place.

One day he repeated his proposal and I accepted it. He asked what I wanted from the relationship and I told him, “You know my story. I’ve told you everything about him and how it all ended. I just don’t want a repeat of that. If there’s something you don’t like, let’s talk about it. It’s better than pulling surprises.” 

Two months after accepting his proposal, my ex started an agenda to come back into my life. He started apologizing for things he should have apologized for years ago. I told him I didn’t want him again. I made it clear that I’d moved on. He persisted and I said no. I told Nat about it and he asked me, “Do you still love him?” I answered, “I have you so there’s no space for anyone else.” He asked, “So why are you entertaining him?”

He asked that question with a tint of jealousy in his voice. I answered, “Why would you say that to me? You think I will tell you if I was the one entertaining him? I don’t tell him to call. I don’t tell him to text. He does that willingly so why am I the one you’ll blame?” 

We had a little argument over that. I felt attacked. He felt I was in love with my ex and it was the reason I still talk to him. “If you don’t like him around you, you won’t pick up his calls. You’ll even block him. You haven’t done any of these so what shows you don’t love him?”

I picked up my phone, went to Whatsapp and blocked my ex. I showed it to him and asked, “Happy?” He answered, “This is what you should have done long ago.” 

We had a tense moment that day but we grew over it as the day aged. Honestly, after that day, my ex didn’t try to contact me again. I figured he had seen the block and had advised himself. 

One night, I was out with Nat, having fun in a restaurant. His birthday was on Tuesday so we couldn’t do anything. On Saturday, he decided to take me out to celebrate it. My phone was on the table while both of us ate. My phone rang and our eyes met on my phone’s screen. Guess who was calling, my ex. Nat came to look at my face. I picked up the phone and cut the call. He called again. Nat said, “And I was here thinking you’ve blocked him.” 

“Nat, I blocked him on Whatsapp but forgot to block his calls. He hadn’t called since the block so I don’t know why he’s calling now.” He said, “Pick up the call and put it on a loudspeaker. I want to hear what he has to say.” I didn’t do it so he angrily got up and stormed out of the restaurant without paying the bills. I didn’t want to create a scene so I sat still in my seat hoping he’ll come back. He never did. I called his phone severally and he didn’t pick up. 

When the waitress brought the bill, I looked into my purse and the money I had couldn’t pay for everything. I called my friends to send me MoMo and all I had were excuses. I told the waitress, “The money I have here can’t pay. Is there a way I can go to the next ATM and come back to pay?” She didn’t believe me. She thought I will go and not come back. She took me to her supervisor. Her supervisor also said, “It’s only my boss who can sanction that” So we went to meet his boss.

“It’s not that I won’t pay. One of them can follow me to the next ATM and I’ll give them the money.”

The boss was surprisingly calm. A man my age who looked like he didn’t like talking. He asked what the problem was and I narrated the story of my night to him. He told me, “I can imagine what you’re going through now. I’m so sorry for the experience. It’s very late looking at the time. You don’t have to come back. Just go home and rest. When you want to pay, just pay through this number.” He wrote down a number on a piece of paper and pushed it to me. I said thank you and I left.

On my way home, I called Nat. I sent him messages. I was pleading with him to understand me. I was telling him the truth but all he said was, “I’m going to do what you should have done to your ex long ago. This is how exes are to be treated.” After that message, he blocked me. He blocked me on Whatsapp and blocked my line. My pleading heart shifted to anger. “He left me there and also blocked me? I will never forgive him for that.” 

The following day, I sent the money I owed to the restaurant and called the number to confirm payment. I thought it was a business line but when I called it was the manager who picked up. “This is Robertson speaking. How are you?” I responded, “I paid the money and want to know if you’ve received it.” He answered, “Thank you for keeping to your word. Many people don’t pay back but you did.” 

He asked if I resolved the issue with my boyfriend. I gave him the update and he said, “Give him time. He’ll thaw.” The conversation lingered on for several minutes. By the time I realized we were texting each other. He’ll ask about my day and I’ll tell him. He’ll tease, “I can’t wait to host you and your guy here again. Next time, I’ll personally serve you so come.” 

A week after the event, I realized he had unblocked me so I blocked him. He called with another number blaming me for giving up easily on him. “I know how far you went just to get your ex back but because you didn’t love me that much, you didn’t even care to come around when you realized I’d blocked you. You simply didn’t love me, accept it.” I answered, “I accept. I didn’t love you. Now what?”

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He didn’t show any remorse or even apologize for what happened that night. I’d been through a lot to allow another man to take me through the gutters so I cut him off immediately. He made several attempts to sneak back but I was stronger. I treated him the way he wanted exes treated and I was glad I learned that from him. 

The conversation between me and Rob was on and off. We could go weeks without talking but once we got on the phone, it was a party. One day he posted an event being organized at his restaurant on his status. I jovially asked, “Am I invited?” Minutes later he called me. “I’m calling to officially invite you to the event. This is not one of our jokes. The dress code is dinner wear. If you don’t come, your seat would be empty.”

I was there. I didn’t know what the event was about but I dressed up and turned up. He met me at the entrance and walked me in. He teased, “Don’t worry. I won’t walk away and leave you to pay the bills.” We both giggled. It had been over four months but he had a way of teasing me about it. After the event, we spent time sitting and talking about life in general. We talked about work. We talked about dreams and then he asked, “So who’s on the bill now? Are you seeing someone else?”

A week after that question, he became the one on the bill. A year later, a pastor declared us a husband and a wife in the presence of family, friends and God. We got married without wasting time talking about what could be and what could not. I must admit, I didn’t believe his intentions at first. I liked him but I thought he knew my story and was trying to take advantage of it. But each day in our lives brought different evidence that what he had for me was pure. It was easy to see the future with him because he was always clear about it. 

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We haven’t gone too far in our marital journey but so far so good. I learn new things about him every day and he does the same too. We adjust to accommodate each other’s flaws while hoping that things will work out for our good because we believed in love and all the good things it brings. The bad days of my life connected me to the better days and now I understand why they say we should be grateful for all things even the bad days. 

–Adobea

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