The first time Asare expressed interest in me was five years ago. He seemed like a good man who knew what he wanted in life. But the timing was not right for us at that time. I don’t even remember the reason I turned him down but I don’t think it was strong enough to make me cut ties with him. We still talked occasionally. He was usually the one who called and texted to check up on me. This went on until I run into him earlier this year. I don’t know what changed but there was something different about him.

He called me later after we met and we had a deep talk. “So, what have you been up to these past five years?” he asked me. “I am all about work and making money. What about you? What have you been doing?” He said he had also been busy with work. We talked about a couple of failed relationships we had both experienced. And then he asked, “You mean to tell me that you are single? There is no man trying to take you off the market?” I laughed, “Oh, there are a few men who have stepped forward with their intentions, I just haven’t made a choice yet.”

“Then there is hope for me,” he declared, “Seeing you today filled me with nostalgia. And I hoped that you would be single so that I can shoot my shot again. So I am happy to know you are not yet taken.” He went ahead to spill the contents of his heart all into my ears. Something was very different this time, because I was suddenly interested in giving him a shot. I believe the timing felt right. We went out a few times and spent some time together before I finally told him I would give him a chance. He was so happy that you would think his favorite team won the Premier League.

Here is something about me. There are people who think of me as a vain person. This is because I enjoy spending money on expensive clothes, designer bags, shoes, nice perfumes, pretty wigs, and high-brand makeup products. You know how society sees women like us and assume we lack substance or that we live a certain lifestyle to afford the things we have. But that doesn’t matter to me because I know that I work hard and earn my own money. I don’t depend on men to buy myself nice things. I am an independent woman. And this happens to be one of the things Asare loves about me.

He tells me about how he shows my pictures to his friends and brags that I am his woman. He likes how good I always look and smell. And he is proud that I am his. Meanwhile, the only thing this man has ever given me since we started talking again is airtime. I don’t expect him to give me money or foot my bills. I just think that it would be nice for him to occasionally buy me gifts to show how much he appreciates me.

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I remember this one time when my phone fell and I had to fix it. I only mentioned it in a conversation because I wouldn’t be able to text him till I fix my phone. This guy on his own promised to fix the phone for me. I waited longer than I intended to fix the phone but he didn’t send me the money as promised. Another time, I went to buy some toiletries for the house. It casually came up in a conversation when he asked about my day. After I told him I shopped for some supplies for the house he said, “How much did it cost? I will pay you back everything you spent.” That one too, he didn’t bring the money.

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The other day I went to the salon to get my hair done. I didn’t ask him to give me money to fix my hair. The thought didn’t even cross my mind. He was the one who said, “I should pay for your hair, send me the bill.” I even told him he didn’t have to, but he said, “I want to. After all, I am your man. I would be happy to do it.” So I sent him the bill after  I was done. He promised to send me the money but that didn’t happen either. He is working in a big organization and has given me the impression that he makes a lot of money. So I know that it isn’t because he can’t afford these things that he promised to pay for. He just didn’t want to. My problem though, is why he stepped up to make promises he knew he wouldn’t fulfill. So far there have been three promise and fail situations in this relationship.

His actions have made him look unreliable in my eyes. And I am not sure I want to be with a man who cannot keep his word. He is a caring and romantic man but I don’t see myself building a life with a man who builds castles in the air. I am already planning on leaving him. Am I being too rush in my decision?

–Afia

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