I’ve been with John for about a year and a few months now. When we were in the talking stage he was all about me. He was affectionate and always told me how he felt. However, the moment I accepted his proposal to be his girlfriend, he became laid back. He wouldn’t show me affection. He doesn’t say, “I miss you” or “I love you” anymore. He is just in the relationship as if those things are not necessary. He wouldn’t even hug me when we see each other, it’s that bad. I am sure someone would be wondering why I am still with a man like that. Well, that is why I am sharing this story.

Naturally, I am an overthinker. So when he stopped showing me affection I started to overanalyze the whole relationship in my head. I came up with possible reasons for why he was behaving like that. My first thought was, “He is cheating on me. He probably met a more beautiful girl or someone who is more interesting than me.” My second thought was, “This guy doesn’t love me. He only pretended to love me so I would date him.” So I decided to stop doing certain things just to see how he would behave.

When he doesn’t call me, I wouldn’t also call him. I would tell myself that two can play this game. Sometimes I would pick fights with him because of this. What even hurt me more than anything was, there were men out there who were all over me with their love and affection. So I didn’t understand how men out there showed how much they wanted me, yet the man I wanted couldn’t even be bothered to try. I decided that I would peacefully walk out of the relationship for my sanity’s sake.

However, before I could leave I had an epiphany. I realized that though John wouldn’t voice out his feelings for me, he had always been a reliable partner. He has never hurt a hair on my head. He wouldn’t even hurt a fly if it invaded his personal space. He is always ready to drop everything and help me when I need his help. When I didn’t have a job and my rent was due, he rented a place for me and handled all the costs. When I got a job and had to work on reports on tight deadlines, he would stay up with me till midnight, supporting me however I needed him to.

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I am the breadwinner of my family, and he knows this. So he is always searching for better job opportunities for me. I know that he wants the best for me even if he won’t say it. He does not say, “I love you” but he has shown me genuine love throughout the relationship. In all his life, I am his first girlfriend. I believe that is why he does not how to vocally express his feelings for me. He has introduced me to his family, and they treat me like I am one of theirs. His mother, gosh, that woman is a force of nature. Unlike her son, she is unable to hide how much she loves me. She would call me, “Cecilia, when are you coming to see me? I miss you.” It always warms my heart to hear her say that. I love her very much.

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When it came to John, I started initiating things for us to do together as a couple, and he always went with the flow. So I learned that it wasn’t that he was unwilling to be affectionate. He just did not know how to do it. And all he needed was a little push to get things done. I am glad that I didn’t miss out on an amazing man, but rather I steered the wheel of our relationship and now it is heading in a beautiful direction.

I’ve grown to understand that we are all different people, thus we express emotions differently. He may not easily say, “Babe, I love you” or “When am I seeing you? I miss you.” He may not open his arms for me to hug him until I walk up to him and hug him, but I am happy with him. He has shown me in many ways how much he values me, and that is enough for me. A strong gesture of affection is way better than empty words backed with no actions. I no longer wait for him to check on me first. I call when he hasn’t and I text him when his thoughts cross my mind. I even feel sorry for all the times I nagged him and gave him attitude for not showing me love in the way I expected to be shown.

Now, that I understand who he is, my love for him has grown deeper, and I am praying that our love keeps growing stronger, and someday I will come back to share a beautiful story of our journey and our becoming.

–Cecelia

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