When I completed university my boyfriend at the time dumped me. My heart was so broken that I went about talking about my predicament with anyone who cared to listen. I just didn’t know how to handle that kind of pain. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I lost a lot of weight. I also had suicidal thoughts. It was really bad. The painful part was that the boy who broke my heart was going on with his life as if he didn’t just wreck another human being. He was carefree, while I had to carry my heavy heart around. We were together for ten years, and he just got up one day and ended things.
While I was going through this, Kwame heard about my pain and called to talk to me. He and I were work colleagues but we were not close friends. We just used to check up on each other from time to time. He called to tell me to hang in there and that everything would be alright. Of all the people who tried to help, he was the most tender and gentle with his words. Everyone else said, “It’s heartbreak. It’s normal. Get over it.” Kwame on the other hand sympathized with me, listened to me vent, and said, “I am here for you if you need anything.” It felt comforting. From that day onward, I called him whenever I needed to talk. He also called when he didn’t hear from me. That was what brought us close together.
For three months, Kwame nursed me back to health. When I started to feel better he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had grown attached to him by then. I believed what I felt for him was love. So I said yes to his proposal. If I thought our friendship was beautiful, then our relationship was otherwordly. I experienced a kind of happiness that erased all the pain I ever felt. That’s why I didn’t see it coming when Kwame told me one month into our relationship that he was involved with someone else. He said he was already with her before we got together.
I was more broken than I was when my ten-year-old relationship ended. I suppose this one hurt more because Kwame saw how much of a mess I was and helped me back on my feet. He saw how miserable I was when I got my heart broken so why did he also set me up on that path? When I asked him why he did that he said, “Don’t worry, I don’t intend to leave you. I love you too much to do that. I just wanted you to know that someone else is in the picture. Give me some time to let her go.” A month after he broke the news to me I received a call from a lady warning me to stay away from her boyfriend.
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“Who is your boyfriend?” I asked her. “You know I am talking about Kwame. If you know what’s good for you, you will stop following him.” After she said that, she hung up. I knew it wasn’t right to be with Kwame when I knew he had another woman, but hey, I lost my ex because of another woman. So I endured her phone calls which always carried insults and threats, all with the hope that Kwame would choose me over her. I know it was messed up but then again, Kwame was the one taking care of my financial needs. I was yet to be posted for work so I had no money to survive on. And Kwame stepped up to provide for me until I am able to stand on my feet. So there was no way I would walk away from that.
However, after a week of harassment from the other girl, Kwame came to my house looking unhappy. He said, “After everything you’ve been through, I shouldn’t have put you in this position. You don’t deserve the phone calls and insults. It hurts me to do this but I have to let you go. You deserve better.” I cried but I accepted the breakup. I was trying to move on when he came back to me after three weeks. We started talking and rekindled what we left behind. I didn’t ask him about the other lady. I was just glad to have him back. I chose my happiness over rational thinking.
He was there for me and supported me to take care of my needs without complaining. He was God sent. How could I regret what we have? When I finally got posted to work, he helped me to relocate both physically and financially. We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months now. Every moment of our time together has been worth it for me. Just last month I raised the topic of our future and he said, “You are a good person and if I was ready to settle down, I would choose you in a heartbeat. But for now, I am not ready. If you can’t wait you can find another man who is ready to give you what you want. If you choose to wait too, don’t be desperate. I will continue to support you however you need except marriage.”
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I cried upon hearing his answer. He is probably still dating the other lady. I saw the signs but I was selfish and blinded by love. As I write this, he still provides for me financially as if nothing has happened. To save myself from further heartache, I want to move on. However, I am worried that I would be betraying him if I go in for another man because of the way he has been taking care of my needs. I also keep thinking of the fact that he gave me the go-ahead to go for someone else. That’s what I am conflicted about. Will I be a terrible person if I leave him for someone who is ready to give me the future I want?
–Ama
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He has made it known to you indirectly that he is still with the other woman why do you stay whiles he said you can have another man .please for the love of God move away from him by the way this is not betrayal if not you will loose someone better because you have made it known to those around you that you with him and my dear at the end of the day he will marry her and leave you. I Don’t want you to live with regret someday.
Girl, you continue to hang around him to your own detriment. Certainly his future plans doesn’t include you so you better detach yourself from him and begin to look elsewhere, period!
Ah madam, this one too make them tell you. please do the needful
Hi dear
That guy never loved you. He just saw your broken heart and vulnerability at that time as opportunity to have his bite. Then one month later, he felt guilty (or accomplished) and decided to stop. But either he missed you or had issues with his girl, so he came back again and you accepted.
Supporting you financially could be out of guilt, or pity for you or to buy you. He doesn’t have you in his future plans, nor does he see you as someone he could spend life with. So out of guilt and pity, he is advising you to move on.
You stay at your own risk, because he will waste your years, make you miss opportunities, delay your marriage and finally break your heart. And when you complain, he would say “I told you to move on. You were the one clinging to me”.
My advice for you is to accept his advice and move on. Now that you are working, stop accepting money from him so that you can completely detach from him. (If you continue taking his money, he will come in and out of your life/pant as an when he wants). Then pray for God to send your own man.
Hope this helps you