I had then completed SSS and was staying with my uncle when I met Frank. He and four other guys used to come around to play with my uncle. And among all of them, he was the only one who looked at me in a desirable way. He didn’t tell me how he felt. He was too afraid of my uncle to do that. So we often stared at each other in awkward silence until one of us breaks eye contact. This was how we communicated until I gained admission to tertiary school and left my uncle’s place.

I didn’t think I would meet Frank again after I left my uncle’s house but fate brought him my path after five years. This time around I was a young woman in my early twenties. There was no uncle to be afraid of. Frank was older and more mature too. He saw what he wanted and he went after it. He was all over me until I agreed to be his girlfriend. We had a good relationship. The only problem was, he was always busy. It was difficult to spend time with him. He had to move things on his calendar before he would squeeze me somewhere between a work meeting and another work meeting.

I wasn’t happy having to always compete with a lot of other things for his time. So I walked away. I had a few unsuccessful relationships after him. It even got to a time when I decided to forget about love and just focus on building my career. Twelve years after my relationship with Frank ended, I was busy pursuing higher education and killing it as a career woman. I was in class one day when I heard my phone ringing. I answered and realized it was Frank. I told him I was in class so I would get back to him later. I never did until he called back in a few days. You know what they say about old firewood.

It didn’t take much for us to rekindle what we once shared. This time around he promised, “I am a grown man now. I have come to understand priorities. In the past, I was so determined to make something out of my life that I treated our relationship as an extracurricular activity. I have learned from those mistakes and I will not repeat them if you give me another chance. You won’t have to compete with anything or anyone for my time.” I loved him once and so it was easy to fall back in love with him.

As soon as I agreed to give him another chance, he started talking about marriage. I was ready for it so why not? We put the necessary things in place to start planning. Frank proposed that we have a traditional ceremony, then court marriage, and a thanksgiving service. He wanted us to keep the marriage to a small gathering and go about things quietly. I didn’t know his reasons, but I wanted a church wedding. I didn’t exactly want a grand ceremony but I didn’t want to get married in secret either. This became an issue we argued over repeatedly. I stood my ground and won in the end.

He told me, “If you want a church wedding then you will pay for it.” I didn’t understand why he would say that to me. We are all financially stable so why won’t he pay for our wedding? I tried to get some answers out of him but he wouldn’t talk. So when I visited him one weekend, I decided to go through his phone to see if I will find any answers for his behaviour. I went to his messages and came across this particular thread from a certain number. They were mostly arguing over money. The other person was clearly a woman. She kept mentioning responsibility for kids.

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My heart skipped a beat when I saw kids. I took the number and saved it on my phone. Based on past experiences, I decided not to ask him anything but to do my own investigation. I started getting scared because preparations for our marriage were far ahead. I confided in one of my God-sisters about it. She asked me to give the number to her and leave her to seek out the truth for me, so I did just that.

After almost a month, she wouldn’t tell me anything. When I asked her she would say, “I am still on it.” She kept at this for a while until she asked me to come and see her. When I got to her shop she couldn’t talk. She quoted scriptures about giving thanks to God in all things. Then she launched into a two-hour sermon about how certain things happen for a reason. I started to get angry, “Doreen, if you won’t tell me why called me here then I am leaving.” “Wait, don’t go” she pleaded.

She started fumbling, “My sister, I don’t know how to break this news to you. Just know that I am here for you.” “How bad is the news?” I pushed. She said, “The man you are planning to marry is already married. He has four children with his wife. They hit a rough patch in their marriage and are currently separated. The message you saw on his phone was from his wife. I am sorry this happened.” The only thing I could say after her talk was, “Eiiiiii!” When I could finally find words, I thanked her and left for the house.

When I got home I texted Frank, “Sorry, I can’t continue with this journey anymore. Please, I will send you the items you bought for our traditional marriage via car first thing tomorrow morning. Don’t ask me any questions, I’m just no longer interested.” Immediately after he received the message he started calling me. I didn’t answer any of his calls. He came with his elder brother to ask me if he has done anything to me. I told them I don’t have anything to tell them.

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I had to give out the drinks we were going to serve at the reception. It’s been seven years now, and I still have the wedding gown in my closet. Anytime I remember what happened, I feel unhappy. But one thing I’m grateful to God for, is the courage and strength he gave me to walk away from that situation. After everything, I haven’t lost hope of finding love. I know one day and very soon I will meet my Prince Charming.

–Adom

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