I met Nana in 2017 when he came to do his national service in one of the banks in my hometown. I had completed SHS and was helping my mother with her food business when a friend of mine who was also Nana’s friend told me, “Do you know that Accra boy who is working at the bank? He says he likes you.” “Why are you telling me this when you know I have a boyfriend?” I asked my friend. I didn’t pay attention to Nana after that. I had never trusted any Accra boy who came to my hometown to work. And Nana was definitely no exception.
During the COVID-19 era in 2020, Nana reached out to me. “The bank I came to do my national service a few years ago has employed me so I am back in town. I came to buy food from your mother’s shop and run into your friend. He told me that you broke up with your boyfriend so you are single now. Will you consider my proposal to be your boyfriend?” I had done a lot of growing up over the years and I had reviewed my perception of Accra boys. I figured if Nana still wanted me after three years, then he must be genuine. So I agreed to be his girlfriend.
Shortly after we started dating, I gained admission to one of the public universities. So I had to leave my small town for the big city. It was a big change but I tried my best to hold on to the things that mattered to me, the first of which was my relationship with Nana. We saw each other whenever we could, and we kept our communication flowing when we were apart. It was not easy to be separated from him but it had to be done.
During my second semester vacation, I was at his place playing some games on his phone when a message popped up from his colleague at work. The two of them are very close so I was curious about their chat. I opened the message and read their previous chats. The guy asked about Nana’s girlfriend, and my boyfriend responded, “My serious girlfriend is in Accra.” I was surprised because I wasn’t in Accra, not even for school. I confronted him about the message and he told me, “Oh, you don’t need to be worried about her. Things are very complicated between us. We haven’t even spoken in years. I only tell people she is my girlfriend so that they won’t interfere in my business here.”
In retrospect, I should have done my own research and not just accepted whatever he told me. Gosh! I was so dumb. Nana kept messing up after that but I overlooked it because he made me feel so special. He gave me the attention, support and care I needed. He was more than just a boyfriend to me, he was also my best friend. So I built my dreams and whole life around him. I had high hopes for our future so I helped this guy in little ways. I did not demand money from him because I knew he was taking care of his younger sister. I was the one who went out of my way to perform wifely duties for him. I cooked his meals, did his laundry and other chores, and then had shuperu with him. Sometimes I even gave him money although he was working and I wasn’t.
I am not saying that I was a perfect girlfriend, I also made mistakes. When I started suspecting that Nana was cheating on me, I started flirting with other guys. Once, I even left his place to meet a guy, and he found out. It became a huge issue but we resolved it. We agreed to be transparent with each other and focus on building a healthy relationship. While I was adhering to our new terms, my boyfriend was out there sowing his wild oats. Then in November last year, I came home from school and found out that the girlfriend he claimed he hadn’t spoken to in years was someone he had been with for five years, and they were getting married soon.
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When I asked this guy about it, he denied everything and accused me of making up things just to start trouble. “You don’t like the fact that things are peaceful between us. So you are imagining things and convincing yourself that it’s true. Please, I can give the lady’s number if you want. Call her and ask her if everything you just accused me of is true.” I felt he was bluffing so I called his bluff. I took the lady’s number and called her right in front of him. When I spoke to her, she confirmed that they were getting married soon. Everyone in their families was involved in their relationship. After everything, Nana rather said that I disgraced him by calling the lady and asking her questions about him.
He said, “I am not the first guy to date two women and since I am not married to anyone of you, I can do as I please.” Nana isn’t my first boyfriend but he is the first man I fell so deeply in love with. My mother didn’t like him from the beginning but eventually, she accepted him and started liking him. Only for him to turn around and mess me up this way. God bless the lady he was cheating on with me. Despite everything that happened, she calls to check up on me and advises me to move on and have faith that God will bring someone better my way. She is a very special human being.
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I, on the other hand, am not as strong as her. It hurts so much to move on that I sometimes go back to Nana and beg him to take me back. He doesn’t bother paying attention to me but that’s okay. Someday, I hope to move on and be happy. I know I must wish him well but I don’t. I pray he gets paid back in his own coin for every pain he has caused me and the tears I’m still shedding because of him. Because of him, I wonder if I will ever be enough for someone. I wonder if true love is a myth. I also wonder if he treated me this way because he is an Accra boy and I am from a small town. I should have stuck to my guns and never gotten involved with him.
Today, I decided to share my story here in hope that opening up to other people will enable me to unburden myself of this pain. I hope that you give me words of encouragement that will propel me in my healing journey.
–Abena
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A poem for the your healing ❤️🩹 process.
He was forever my lover,
So failed to see him as a rover,
Landing one and gone sooner.
He really broke my heart 💔,
Came, and gone, like a loud fart,
But he also played his part.
It’s not left me offended,
rather grown & places mended,
In ways I used to be bended,
And thought it was all about you.
Even skipped my call to the Loo,
So we could talk, whiles you Poo.
But as I sit down and muse,
Your acts was all a ruse,
Telltale signs hearts refuse,
when one is blinded by love.
A raven can look like a dove,
As big lies pass through reason’s cove.
But I have learnt my lesson,
To always chose me as a person,
Not anyone’s so-called “cousin”
Hmm, it seems your heading was wrong. You were the side ckick. The lady he married was his main/serious girlfriend. And why would you give money to a man who’s working, whilst you were not, and you were a student. He seems to have been an opportunist, just taking advantage of you.
That being said, please forget about this guy, and move on. You deserve better. Believe in yourself. Don’t let another human, especially a boyfriend, be your source of happiness. Develop yourself, your career, and other interests, so that you can be self sufficient. If you’re a Christian, Develop your relationship with God.
And try not to habitually perform wifely duties when you’re not a wife. Once in a while, maybe, just to help out, if he’s sick or something, and also to demonstrate that you have the ability. But not always. You will be taken for granted!
All the best.
I think you did the right thing by giving him all you had as a woman. You thought it’s for good but later turned bad.
Keep your faith alive and never stop trying, at least, you know the truth and also, the lady has been nice to you.
Just appreciate yourself and get principles for yourself which you can stick to but next time, do a proper check before getting into any relationship because, most men can spend a lot on any lady even when they don’t have good intentions