Clyde was the only man I wanted. I didn’t care that I had more money than he did. I would have sacrificed everything in my life just to be with him. Everything, but my mother. Clyde was the centre of my world but my mother was my entire world. So as much as I was willing to give up all forms of worldly comfort to be with him, my mother’s threats were enough to send me packing out of his life. She wasn’t so set against us when we first started dating. Maybe because we were so young, she thought we would destroy the relationship with our own hands.
I bet she didn’t like finding out that she was wrong. To be fair, no one else thought we would work out either. They constantly told me, “Look, you are young and beautiful. Your family has money, which gives you connections to meet people of a certain class. So why are you allowing your poor boyfriend to hold you back? Please, drop him and find someone who suits you better.” What my mother and all these people didn’t know is that Clyde suits me best. Better cannot be compared to him. From the moment I met him, I knew we were bound to be together.
I remember how simple things were when we first met at work in 2013. He was young, energetic, and very handsome. I was new at his workplace but he caught my attention immediately after I reported to work. In just a matter of months, we were madly in love. When I say madly in love, I mean we couldn’t stand to be apart from each other so we rented an apartment and moved in together. Our parents were aware of our relationship but they didn’t object to it, not even my mother. Clyde and I were convinced that we would love each other forever. We were sure that even in death, we wouldn’t want to be apart.
What we didn’t anticipate were the problems that would arise after I gained admission to Nursing Training College. I had become a tertiary student while he was an SHS leaver trying his possible best to be enlisted into the military. I saw how hard he tried to make something out of his life but nothing he did worked. I was always the one holding him together with my money. That was when my mother started complaining and objecting to the relationship. She didn’t understand why I was taking care of a man who was old enough to take care of himself. “Bonnie, that guy is not your responsibility. Leave the relationship before it takes everything good from you.” She often said. But I was in love, so everything she said sounded like a noise in my ears. Her disapproval was not strong enough to separate us.
My problem at that time was school. I felt less of a woman when my friends’ boyfriends visited them in their cars. And the girls would tease me saying, “Look at this beautiful girl with a broke boyfriend. You know your life will be easier if you leave him, right?” I had no intention of leaving Clyde. I loved him too much to even consider it. My problem was his poor finances. And he just couldn’t catch a break. Things became so bad for him that he had to relocate to his village. It was difficult to be so far away from him but I took advantage of the opportunity to go and do my clinical in his hometown. I always lied to my parents that I was going to another town, so they didn’t know about it.
In my second year in school, I succumbed to peer pressure and got myself a rich boyfriend. This guy gave me everything I needed in a way Clyde couldn’t. I got enough stuff and money from my rich guy and even sent some to my true love in the village. I was playing the double game smoothly until Clyde moved back to Accra. There was only so much I could get away with while he was closely monitoring me. He put two and two together, did some digging and found out that I had another man on the side. We argued about it and later broke up. I was heartbroken but I knew it was my fault. If I hadn’t allowed money to blind me, things would have been different.
Clyde found out I was cheating and left me but the rich guy didn’t know anything of the sort. And I had grown to like him so I stayed with him until our relationship ran its course. When things ended with him, Clyde and I found our way back into each other’s arms. By then I had completed school and he had started working with a security company. Things were still not good for him but they were better than before. We were happy to finally be together again. We made each other promises, “I will never leave you again,” and “I will love you till eternity,” among others.
Unfortunately for us, my mother found out about us and raised her objections. As usual, I tried to ignore her. But this time around, she was serious. She told me, “I don’t know the kind of spell this guy has cast on you, but I promise you that if you don’t leave him, I will disown you.” The way she made the threat made me realize that she meant it. I didn’t want to see if she would actually do it. So I pretended to break up with Clyde, while I carefully hid the relationship. Things worked out for a while until my mother caught me. She truly wanted to disown me. At that moment I had to choose between the boy who was the centre of my world and the woman who is my entire world. Sadly, I let Clyde go.
READ MORE: My 7-Month-Old Marriage And The Woman Who is 7 Month Pregnant For Me
After six months, I met and married a church boy my mother approved of. Years after my marriage, I ran into Clyde. I had a son by then. He was still single and working for the same security company. He looked very good. Instinctively, I hugged him as if it was the most natural thing to do. I had forgotten that my husband was standing next to me. We spoke briefly before parting ways. Later, I went to look for him on Facebook and we started talking again. “You still look as beautiful as I remember,” he told me. “You also look as handsome as ever,” I responded. We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp.
He told me his job at the security company enabled him to further his education and get a degree. I was so proud of him and the changes he made to his life. He told me about the girls he dated and how it didn’t work out because he was still in love with me. I married a good man so I was okay with my marriage. My only problem is that my husband is the quiet type. He preferred to spend his time working to holding conversations with me. He believes in working for money, rather than showing love to his family. He didn’t know that money doesn’t matter to me as much as care and affection do.
Why Are You Still In This Marriage?–Beads Media
Gradually, Clyde weaved his way back into my heart and filled all the potholes in my life that my husband left unattended. He calls me every day and praises me for the woman I have become. We have been talking on and off but we haven’t gotten intimate. My marriage is six years old, and I now have two children. My Clyde is now a successful man with a job that earns him good money. I am also earning enough money to take care of myself. My mother’s reason for tearing us apart is now void.
Clyde and I are once again in love with each other. He doesn’t mind that I have children. He has promised to marry me if I divorce my husband. That’s my problem now. Apart from my husband being a workaholic, he hasn’t done anything to warrant me divorcing him. I don’t know what to do, or how to handle this situation. It appears the universe is always putting me in a position where I have to choose between Clyde and another person. Years ago, it was my mother, and now it is my husband. It looks like I can never win when it comes to following my heart. Please, I need your advice on what to do.
—Bonnie
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Dear Bonnie, your story is good but please don’t follow passion. Until you leave with someone permanently you will not know what they are made of. Concentrate on your husband and let him know what you are lacking in the marriage. Is there not a course for you to leave your marriage; there is but appreciate what God has given you and let your old bf go and marry. All that glitters is not gold
In reference to your narration, I truly believe there is no decision to make. You are married to a man that you have grown to love and who also makes enough money to cater for you and the children. Your husband satisfy you and your entire world [your mother] at the same time so you have no basis to leave your marriage. If your husband has a weakness, that is working hard to bring money home, you don’t runaway from him. You have a matrimonial responsibility to stand by him and help him out as couples do. You have two children coupled with financially stable marriage and husband,, why do you want to jeopardise the future of your children with a broken home all in an attempt to look for love. The children need both parents to grow into responsible adulthood. There is no problem to solve here. So, please do not create one. Leaving this marriage will affect so many people including you, your mother, husband and the innocent children. There are so much at stake here.
Please, don’t be selfish!!! Be wise dearest!!!
Dear Bonnie,please focuson your marriage and appreciate your family.Take care of your kids and love them.Things would have been different if you were single but now you have kids and is married to.Communicate with your husband and he will definetly change where he fallshort with time.Let Clyde be.
There’s a way that seemeth good in the eyes of men but the end thereof is death, the Scripture says.
What the young man climbing to the tallest mountain will not see, the old man standing on the ground has already seen it.
Don’t dig your grave before it’s time.
Why cry over spoilt milk?
Madam,please don’t be selfish now, you had a choice back then to be with your ex but you chose this wonderful man who has built a family with you. Spend that time with your husband, talk to him,let him know how how the little things mean to you.
I find your story disturbing. Why would you jeopardise all your relationships for this one. After all at some point you were two-timing when he was still your boyfriend, and you also broke up with him. Which means he is not indispensable.
It is possible, that if you left to marry Clyde, the dynamics of your relationship could change, after you start living together. Focus on making your marriage work, and I am sure you will love your husband more than you ever loved anybody.
A bird in hand is worth more than a thousand in the Bush.
You would be enjoying your marriage if your ex had not showed up. Your husband’s “weakness” only became a problem to you because your ex reappeared. There’s a way that fantasy makes a good reality seem like garbage. Cut out Clyde. Restore sense to your head. Enjoy your marriage and give your children the stable home they need to develop in.
Love alone isn’t enough dear,you have a good man as a husband so hold unti him and build a happy home for you and your children.
Allow the past to deal with itself and concentrate on what’s before you and that’s your marriage
Bonnie , as grown as you are you sound soo immature and ungrateful because you still haven’t been able to move on from clyde. You have a wonderful husband who is leading a quiet life , some women are praying for a husband like yours ; no side-chick drama , no domestic abuse and you have the guts to still blame your innocent husband for your emotional cheating . This is soo sickening , you haven’t even communicated with your husband concerning this issue but you have taken action like an immature brat to entertain another man . You have a blessing in disguise but you want to ruin it all for the sake of passion. Let me tell you something, your husband is not the problem , the problem is you , you are the one who aren’t matured enough to know the you need to let go of your feelings for an ex before you enter marriage . If you and clyde get together know these 3 things will happen , you destroyed Clyde’s marriage , you will destroy your own marriage and your mom will definitely disown you . Choose wisely !.